Square One

I'm having a feeling of deja vu. Here I am, another race season behind me and September in front of me and I'm STILL at virtually the EXACT. SAME. WEIGHT. I was last year. Grrr.

I hate having to get back on the weight-loss bandwagon every fall. Every fall I tell myself that this year will be different. And to be honest, I did pretty well last fall, managing to shed a fair amount of weight, getting down to a new alltime low of 164 pounds.

But after another season of training for/racing triathlon, I'm right back where I was this time last year: 172 pounds. [sigh]

That said, I do know that my body composition has changed somewhat and that I am "thinner" than I was this time last year - I can see it in my face. And to be honest, I'm actually about 3-4 pounds lighter than I was this time last year. Not a major difference, but lighter none the less.

In the scheme of things, I'm not entirely unhappy with the way my body is right now. But that doesn't mean that I'm not still motivated to make some changes.

I've cut out a lot of junk food this week (except that I caved today and had an ice cream bar at break because our department was celebrating the achievements of some of the staff). But I'm still really, really hungry all the time as my body is still recovering from my race and is craving certain things and wants more volume of food. I know that if I just hold tight for a week or two things will be back to normal in no time.

I started back running again this week. Actually, I went for a 20-min run last Friday, followed by a 70-min run on Sunday and another 38 minutes last night. And I made an appearance at the gym on Tuesday for some elliptical and weights. I'm feeling pretty good (except for the fact that my biceps, shoulders and abs are BURNING IN PAIN now). I've signed up for another race in November (half marathon) so that will give me something to train for and look forward to. I just hope I've recovered enough to start back into training.

The Big Weight-Loss Lie

I've come to the realization that the scales lie and that burning more calories than you consume does not necessarily result in weight loss. Also, that if you see a 1-pound loss on the scales that it does not necessarily mean that you burned 3,500 more calories than you consumed. I've discovered this, you see, as I've seen my body weight fluctuate from 169 to 174 within a 2- to 3-day period. There is NO WAY that my calorie intake/expenditure has manifested itself in such rapid (and random) body weight fluctuations. And I don't blame it on the scales or on variations in the time of day that I weigh myself. I weigh myself unclothed daily and can sometimes see fluctuations of two pounds from one day to the next. So what gives?

The conclusion I've come to is that there are far more things going on in our bodies on a daily basis that affects how much we actually "weigh". And I'm trying not to stress myself out over those fluctuations. Likely, it's nothing more than water retention/expulsion that is causing the fluctuations. What I'm looking for now is a downward trend as opposed to a lower weight day after day. For people who are also increasing their level of physical activity, they're also building muscle mass and bone density, which can sometimes appear as a weight gain (even though they may be losing fat).

So, I'm still journalling my food (to keep me honest so that junk food and poor snack choices are more the exception than the rule) and weighing myself daily, but I'm not going to stress myself out over every little fluctuation in body weight. The key word here is: "trend". That's what I'm looking for, a downward trend. And smaller clothing sizes.

The other part of this lie is that the rate at which we burn calories does not stay constant. Calculating (or even estimating) calorie expediture is nearly impossible, even with expensive testing. The thing is, I know from personal experience that when I am training for a distance event like a marathon or long-distance triathlon that I have no chance at all of losing weight. I believe that my metabolism goes into conservation mode and holds onto all its fat, rather than using it as fuel. I think cortisol (the stress hormone) might have a role to play in that, but I have to research that a bit further.

I really wish that someone could tell me exactly how much I should eat and in what fat/pro/carb ratio so that I can lose my excess fat weight and keep it off. It's not that I'm not willing to exercise and eat well - it's just that everything I know how to do doesn't seem to be yielding results, so something must be off.

Bah! Enough about food and weight loss! I wanna just live my life and have some fun. Things I'm looking forward to this fall:

- Getting my condo in shape and building storage and an office space so that I'm not surrounded by boxes upstairs anymore.

- Socializing with friends and drinking some really good wine and hosting dinner parties at my place.

- Maybe even going on a date (or two or three), although I'm not holding my breath on that one.

[Actually, I should explain: I'm still really close friends with the guy I was seeing back in the spring, but we both decided that we wanted different things (meaning: I wanted an exclusive relationship and he did not) so we ended that aspect of our relationship. But I honestly think we are closer than ever and care very deeply about each other. He's the last person I talk to before bed every night. It's going to be hard for me to date anyone else so long as the two of us are still such close friends, but I guess we'll deal with that if and when the time comes. One of the most positive things that came out of our brief encounter was the fact that I am now more optimistic than ever about my prospects of finding the partnership/relationship that I want.]

I'm tired now, so I'm going to end this. Night, all.