Reality Check

I was worried about stepping on the scales after the feeding frenzy that was Christmas. I actually considered not weighing myself until I was back at work and back to my regular routine, but then I decided that I needed the reality check.

Two days ago, I weighed in at 169-something. Yesterday, I was up to 171.8 (yikes!). Today, I'm back down to 170.6. Still, it's about 5 pounds from my All Time Low a few weeks ago of 166. But somehow I think that those 5 pounds will be relatively easy to lose since it is "new" weight.

I don't know why I think that "new" weight is easier to lose than "old" weight - because I've never read anything to suggest there's a difference between the two - but it's just a perception that I have.

Each day, I start with the intention of eating well (meaning: not mindlessly snacking). Yesterday and today I started out well with my bowl of Mini Wheats (still left over from my Gingerbread house). I really have to go grocery shopping as I've run out of virtually everything. Yesterday I ate pretty well until I got to the pub after my run and chowed down on nachos and chicken wings. And beer. I just couldn't resist.

Creeky (my bro) left yesterday and P (my mum) leaves this morning. My life is now relatively back to normal as I can follow my own routine. Until the weekend, that is, when there are more parties and more food. I'll just have to PLAN to be good.

And when I say "good", what I really mean is that I will avoid mindless eating, which is my biggest downfall. I've realized that it's not what I eat so much as how I eat it that's the problem. I've also not journalled my food AT ALL since Wednesday before Christmas! Which, I'm sure, is part of the reason for the weight gain.

But I did keep up with my running over the holidays (including an 18K run on Christmas Eve) and exercised every second day. That's less than I usually work out, but I don't mind taking a bit of down time now because things are going to really heat up training-wise starting next week.

I think I'll start with what's known as Mega Training Day a week from Saturday, which will be a good way to jump start my training. It's about $50 for the day, but it's led by an Olympic triathlon coach, so it's well worth the money. If it's as in years past, it will be a 3-hour bike trainer workout followed by 90 minutes of core conditioning and then 90 minutes of swimming.

I'm going to do my "long" run on Friday this week because I have a 9K race on New Year's Day (Sunday) and I still don't like to run on back-to-back days. I think we'll run about 12K on Friday.

For New Year's Eve I'm getting together with friends for a dinner party followed by a house party at another friend's new house. The guest list for the house party is over 150 people, so it could end up being quite the shindig! I'm going to wear my best party dress. Speaking of which, I finally got a copy of some photos taken of me in The Dress from the event in November (I've cropped out the photos of my friends).

Excess

Oy, when will the feeding frenzy end??

I know, I know... it's all within my control - nobody is forcing the food into my mouth. But still... somehow I have a hard time restraining myself from mindless snacking at this time of year.

Here's the recap of my week:

Thursday evening: Met H, N and her friend K for dinner/drinks on Thursday night. Had a mediocre braised lamb shank for dinner. An OK bottle of wine (Ontario Pinot Noir) and a pint of Kilkenny.

Friday: I threw the Skor bar pieces into the garbage so that I wouldn't continue to munch on them. Rode my bike trainer for an hour.

Saturday: I ran 18K in just over 2 hours with my friends. No time for a post-run breakfast as I had to pick up the turkey from the butcher then go home and make pastry and tourtiere for dinner. Went to my aunt's and only had 1 1/2 platefuls of food (and the half-plateful was mostly salad). Since I was driving, I only had one glass of wine and some gingerale.

Sunday: No exercise. Opened presents at the BC's then made breakfast (pancakes). Not sure how many I ate. Went home and cooked some more(made stuffing and an onion tart) then back to the BC's to put the turkey in the oven. Snacked on lots of things, including chocolates.

Monday: Ran for 40 minutes. Didn't eat much - had Mini-Wheats before my run and a latte with a low-fat blueberry muffin afterwards. Except for one chocolate bar that made it's way from my Christmas stocking into my mouth (damn you, Santa!), didn't eat again until dinner (spaghetti and meatballs, one glass of wine). There was a power failure at home (more on that later).

And now it's Tuesday. I'm on my way out to meet P and the BC for pedicures! Yea!

Christmas is here...

... let the eating begin!

Goodness, this is NOT going to be easy. There's an event every night, which means food, candy and alcohol. Sigh. I know I'll make it through and I'll be able to lose anything I gain over the next week, but I really wish I could stop myself before things got out of hand. It doesn't help that my period started yesterday, so I have this urge to eat everything in sight.

The only bright spot in all of this is that I still have the time (and desire) to exercise. I walked a ton today with Creeky as we were doing last minute shopping. I hope to get a bit of time on my bike this afternoon before I go out to meet my friends for drinks this evening.

I just HAVE to stop eating the chocolate Skor bar pieces that are in my freezer!!

And why do I have a bag of Skor bar pieces in my freezer? They are left over from the Gingerbread House I made last weekend.



Only the front door is made of Skor bar, so I had LOTS left over.

Only 2 More Sleeps!

Until I'm on Christmas break! Woo!

P and Creek come on Wednesday around noon, so the BC is going to meet us at the train station and we'll all go to lunch together - just the family! It will be lovely before all the craziness of the rest of the holidays starts.

I posted a small gain this morning, likely because I overate this weekend. I had gotten down to 166.0 the other day, which is a total new low for me. I'm back up to 169 now, which is a bit of a drag, but I'm not too worried as I'll surely be able to get back on track. I've come this far and I'm not going to blow it just so that I can indulge in holiday treats - short-term gratification just isn't worth the long-term pain of having to work it off.

I also missed my bike ride on Saturday because I had stuff to do. I did run 15K yesterday, though.

Yesterday afternoon I got together with H &PQ to make gingerbread houses. The only "rule" was that everything had to be edible and you had to use the basic pre-fab kit. It's amazing how the three of us came up with completely different houses from the same basic kit! It was great - we dranks some wine, ate lots of candy, noshed on leftover nibblies - everything a Sunday afternoon should be.

Today is my rest day, which means that I also can't overeat today as I haven't earned any extra calories. That said, I'm on my way out to exchange gifts with KH and CL and there will be wine/food involved, so I'm sure I'll be over calories again today (not to mention some of the leftover candy I nibbled on while tidying up the kitchen this evening). I did get a bit of walking in today as my streetcar didn't come in time and I ended up having to walk home in the freezing cold from the stop down the street (rather than being dropped off right across from my apartment).

I'm also out every other night this week, so I better be getting in my workouts so that I won't have to worry about what and how much I am eating.

Time to go!

Earn it, don't Burn it.

I got an e-mail newsletter this week that planted this idea in my brain: Instead of exercising to work of (or burn) the excess of calories I might have consumed, "earn" your calories by exercising beforehand.

Sorry if I didn't express that very eloquently, but what I'm trying to say is that I am often more successful in my eating/exercising if I "earn" my daily calories rather than worrying about burning them off after I have over-consumed.

So, today I hit the gym at 6:15 and ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill (5-min walk to coold down - total 3.23 miles). I then did some strength training (lower and upper 2x10-12 reps) and back/abs. While doing my second set of crunches on the inclined bench I totally bonked! I almost fell off the bench! Note to self: eat or drink something in the morning before you work out.

I'm off to meet CL for a swim. I reeeeeeeeally don't want to swim tonight, but I know it will be good for me. I'll probably make a little deal with myself once I get in there and as long as I manage to get in 1,000m I'll be happy.

Gotta get ready to go! Ciao!

The Year in Review

Yes, it's that time of year. It also happens to coincide with my birthday, so I like to reminisce around now. Here's what my year looked like:

December:
· Celebrated my BD with the BC, H and P with dinner at Verveine (yum).
· Joined a gym before Christmas so that I could start right away when I got back from Montréal.
· Celebrated NYE with the Tri Gang at NW’s place.

January:
· Ran the Hair of the Dog (9K) on New Year’s Day, then went for my first-ever Polar Bear Dip in Lake Ontario. Little did I know that I’d be swimming in the lake quite a bit later that year…
· Weighed in at 185-ish (182 on my old, faulty scale). Started working out with a personal trainer.
· Hired a personal trainer for the first time. She was a bit of a dud – I could have done all that on my own.

February:
· Lost 10 pounds since the start of the year.
· Went tubing for the first time. Nearly froze to death, but had a good time nonetheless.
· Spent yet another Valentine’s Day alone. Went for a swim with my friend IC instead.

March:
· Reached my lowest weight of 168 (on my old scale), which represented a 15-pound loss.

April:
· Went to NYC for the first time (loved it!) with a group of girlfriends to run a half-marathon in Central Park. We walked more than 8K (5 miles) the next day from our hotel in Mid-town all the way down to Soho and Greenwich. It was awesome! Wished I could have stayed an extra day.

May:
· Ran a half marathon with the BC and Jill. It was a great day!
· Ran a PB of 2:10:01 at the Ottawa half marathon with H as my pace bunny

June:
· Had an outstanding workout month, not missing a single scheduled workout.

July:
· Went on a couple of camping trips: Kingston at the beginning of the month and Lake Placid at the end.
· Won my category (Athena 40+) in a Sprint Tri. It poured rain like the dickens that day, but I had a smoking’ fast 7.5K run of 40:42 (5:25/km). The swim and bike were a bit disappointing.
· Smashed the rear window of my car while backing up into a tree with bikes on the back (Doh!).

August:
· Had a PB of 4:24 at the K-Town Tri (took 18 minutes off my time from 2002 and avenged my DNF from 2005).
· Took a road trip on my own to BC to watch IM and sign up for next year. Flew to YVR then drove from there to Kelowna and Penticton. Camped out on my own, even though I pitched my tent on a slight angle the first night (Doh!).

September:
· Had a PB of 38 minutes in the 2K half IM swim. Bonked on the bike, but improved my half-IM run time to 2:20.

October:
· Took a swimming stroke improvement class, which was very beneficial.

November:
· Set a new half marathon PB of 2:09:14 on a hilly, windy course at Angus Glen.
· Bought an outstanding new party dress and stunned a bunch of former colleagues by how good I looked after 12 years.
· Picked the finishes for my new condo (weeee!)
· Recorded my new lowest weight ever (to that point) on November 12: 167.8 lbs. Total lost since January: 17 lbs.
· Bought my new baby, Vroom Hilda!

Yeah, it's been a pretty good year!

Speedo Run - Photo

Here we are, post-run. I'm the one in the middle with the red knee socks. I don't have any action shots yet.

What a liberating experience!

Yesterday, about 55 other maniacs and I decided to run through downtown in our Speedos with nothing else on but a Santa Hat and our running shoes.

Now, I don't know if you know what it's like in Toronto in December, but it's a little on the chilly side. When I woke up Saturday morning it was -6C (21F) with a wind chill of -15C (5F). Brrrrr! Thankfully, it warmed up to around the freezing mark by the time the run started at 1:30PM.

To be honest, the temperature was not the thing I was most worried about. I was more concerned with being exposed in a bathing suit in front of friends and total strangers. I mean, honestly, most people don't even like wearing bathing suits to swim where they'll be covered by water, let alone run around in one in public! So, I'm no different than anyone else when I say that I've never felt comfortable wearing a bathing suit in public.

I was a little nervous taking off my clothes in public and standing there with all my flaws for people to see. But I did take comfort in the fact that everyone else's flaws were also on display - strength in numbers, so to speak. Once the run started and the throng (no, not "thong"!) of Speedo-clad runners started to make its way through the downtown streets, all thoughts of "How do I look?" went out of my head. Most of the people out Christmas shopping clapped and smiled in approval. They even moved aside to let us pass (some even took photos on their camera phones) and cars honked in support of our efforts.

But I guess the most enlightening (and liberating) thing of all was how I was probably less self-conscious of how I looked running around in my bathing suit than my 30-year-old, size-8 running partner who could not stop freaking out about how horrible she looked in a bathing suit. And I guess the reason why I got so pissed at her whining is because I know that by judging herself so harshly meant that she was likely judging everyone else there (including me), too.

I wanted to say to her, "Lookit... you have nothing to be embarassed about. You have a great body - heck, a body that any woman would be happy to have. Nobody is judging you other than yourself. Nobody is probably looking at you at all! So shut the fuck up and run!"

And then I realized that I could have very likely said those same words to myself.

So, for that reason, I feel liberated. I slayed a huge dragon yesterday and feel like I have turned the corner in improving my body image. I mean, if I can don a bathing suit and run semi-naked through the streets of THE ritziest shopping district in Toronto on THE busiest shopping day of the year, then clearly I have nothing left to be embarrassed about.

***********

Friday's dinner and party afterwards was outstanding. I haven't danced that much in YEARS! I almost feel like with each passing birthday I become more and more what I am meant to be and come into myself all that much more. Although lubricated with some lovely Pinot Noir at dinner and some beer at the party afterwards, I just let my hair down and danced like nobody was watching.

I also had two more lovely surpises this weekend: Friday's Birthday Weigh-in was 167.2 and Saturday's was 167.0! Woo!! Forgot to weigh in this morning, but I will tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath to still be in the 167s, though.

???

Anyone know why my sidebar is so far down the right side of the page?? And I also noticed that I no longer have the ability to edit the time of my post before I post it. Confused!!

Week in Review

I can't believe I haven't updated since Sunday! Baaaaad, blogger! I was reading everyone else's blogs, but for some reason never thought to post an update myself.

Monday: Didn't get to yoga because H wasn't able to go. Plan B was to swim - I even brought my swim gear to work because I suspected that yoga wasn't going to happen and I wanted to be sure I had my gear with me. In the end, I also bailed on the swim. I had to lug my knapsack plus my computer, a projector, flip charts and my purse on the streetcar. I was almost home when I realized that I had left my keys in the lock of my desk drawer! Normally, I lock up my laptop in my desk, take the keys and head home. But since I took my computer with me, I totally forgot them. I knew that H was at home because I had just talked to her, so I called her and asked her to meet me at my place with my spare keys. In the end it all worked out.

Tuesday: I was working off site (hence the need for the laptop, projector and flip charts) for the day. Class was uneventful. That evening, we played our final floor hockey game and lost a very close and hard-fought game. I got wacked on the big toe with a stick, so I was hobbling a bit. Didn't get to bed until midnight (yawn).

Wednesday: Day two of training. Again, uneventful. My toe was ACHING, though. I had to wear my flattest, most comfortable shoes because the pressure under my big toenail was excrutiatingly painful. I was worried that I might not be able to run that evening. But by the time I got to the store the pressure had eased a bit. Besides, the toe box in my running shoes is quite large, so there were no issues. I had an OUTSTANDING run that night. We did a 6K run (1K warm-up, 3K tempo, 2K cool-down). I ran the 3K tempo in 16 minutes, which means a 5:20/km pace - very fast for me. Normally that's the pace I can run for a mile, not 3K. So, very happy with that all around.

Today: I had a lovely surprise on the scales this morning: 167.8! It'd been a while since I had seen that number, so I was quite happy. Not that I should allow my mood to be dictated by some arbitrary number, but that's where I am right now. I kind of goofed off at work today. I had a meeting in the morning and I did do some work, but not as much as I should have. After work, we had a charity poker tournament to raise money for our United Way campaign. It was $20 but since there were only 10 of us, the pot to the winner was only $50 (with $30 for 2nd and $20 for 3rd). I ended up in the final four, which doesn't add up to anything. But it was fun. I also took today as my "off" day from exercise, which means NO EXCUSES for getting to the gym tomorrow.

I probably won't get a chance to post another entry until some time on Saturday afternoon as it's going to be a busy couple of days. Tomorrow is my birthday (42 years young) and I'm going out for dinner with some friends and then to a Christmas party for my running club.

On Saturday, I'll probably ride my bike in the morning (on my trainer) and then I have this crazy run to do in the afternoon. My friends and I are doing the Santa Speedo Run, which means that we are going to don our finest swimsuits, running shoes and Santa hats and run through one of the most chi-chi shopping areas in the city! Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into! I'll probably still be hung over from Friday night, so that will help. I'm getting together with the BC in the evening to celebrate my BD since she's not getting back into town until late in the day on Friday.

That's the plan for now. Have a lovely weekend, all!

Thanks to Flo for this link. My friends and I used to try to figure out what kind of dog we were. I used to tell KH that she was like a Border Collie because she was so industrious and CL is like a Jack Russell because she can't sit still and talks before she thinks. J thinks that I have the temperament of a Huskie, but that one wasn't on the list (maybe Malamut is a close relative). Turns out I'm a Lab! It was the most popular, actually, representing about 30% of respondents.


What Common Breed of Dog Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

So, that's it then.

I had a decent run this morning (12K). My legs were feeling like lead when I first started out, but then I felt better as I got warmed up. I've fallen off the food journalling wagon a bit lately. I was down to 168.8 on Friday, but I ate a fair bit this weekend, so I don't know what things will look like on Monday. Oh well, we'll see. I'd like to not GAIN weight between now and January.

I had a pretty good weekend. Friday was drinks with coworkers right after work then a social with one of my running clubs. It was great to meet some people in person whom I've only ever "met" on-line.

On Saturday I did laundry and then met up with CL and KL for a swim (1600m). I went shopping (for myself) in the afternoon and then raced home to do a quick workout on my (old) bike before heading out to meet some other friends for dinner to celebrate our birthdays (there are a bunch of us with BDs in December). Drank lychee martinis - yum! Phew. Busy day!

After today's run and breakfast I did a bit of shopping (two more Christmas gifts) and bought the supplies I need to make shortbread cookies. Batch #1 (66 cookies, minus 2 I've eaten - needed to make sure they were edible before I give them away) is done. I'll make another batch later in the week for the BC to take to a cookie exchange next weekend. These cookies are awesome and keep beautifully as long as they're in a tin, so I can make them ahead. But I also have to get them out of my house ASAP or I will seriously eat them all!

The Life I Wanted

When I was in university I had a friend who, at the time, I thought had the perfect life. B's life was like a beer commercial: tons of friends, party weekends at the cottage, and just a generally full life. I used to sit back in envy of her life and wish that I had a life like that.

I wasted most of my twenties sitting on the sidelines, feeling "less than" and eating away the pain of an unfulfilled existence.

Flash forward to yesterday... I was grabbing my keys as I was heading out the door to meet my friends for a run. All of a sudden the fullness of my life flashed in front of me. Earlier in the day I had been mildly stressing about all the social events I have to go to over the next two weekends. I also made a list of all the birthday cards I have to buy in the next couple of days for all the friends who are having birthdays within the next three to four weeks (about a dozen).

But in that moment as I rushed out the door it came to me: I have the life I always wanted. And it turned up without me even noticing it.

*******

Well, I think I might have found my exercise mojo. I don't know if I've found the whole thing, but I've found part of it. I had an outstanding run last night. I had planned to go out with a group that was doing a 5K tempo run, but when I got there I didn't really care for the route they were doing, so I opted for an easier run with a couple of other friends. Once we got out there, the pace was pretty quick for me, but it felt good. Just as I was about to turn off and head back to where we'd started (about 30-min in), my friend SM convinced me to go just a little further. Next thing I knew, I had run just over 8K in about 50 minutes. I felt sooooooo good when it was over (not that it was over, but just great for having done it).

I got off work a little early today, so I was able to pick my new bike up from the store. It still doesn't have any pedals (they're on order), so I can't ride it just yet. Man, it's just KILLING ME to see her sitting there in the hallway next to her sisters and I can't even put her on the trainer for a ride. This evening, I got on the old Queen Bee for what will likely be her farewell tour over the next week or so. I'm going to keep her, but I'll be spending more and more time on Vroom Hilda in the coming months.

Workout stats for November:

Running: 97 km
Cycling: 149.10 km
Swimming: 1.80 km
Yoga: 1:30
Floor Hockey: 4x55-minute games
Strength: 1hr, 50min
Elliptical Trainer: 9.09 km

Year-to-date stats:

Total run in 2005 (to date): 858.69km
Total cycled in 2005 (to date): 2,673.05km

Total weight lost since Jan: approx. 15 pounds

Bailing

No yoga tonight. H bailed as she wasn't feeling well. I was also feeling kind of crappy today (grumbling in my tummy that wouldn't go away), so I'm not goin on my own.

I still have time to go swimming (starts at 8:30), but I have some work to do this evening to prepare for my class tomorrow. Besides, I don't really want to go swimming.

Ack... just not feeling like doing all that much. Party season starts on Friday, so I have to rest up for that. Ha! I seem to have lost my workout mojo. Not sure where it went... have you seen it?

Weigh-in today was 169.4lbs. Not much else to say.

Another Sunday

Why do the weekends have to go by so quickly??

Today was a normal Sunday: met the group for a 15K run this morning, followed by breakfast. Last week, I had French Toast and bacon for my post-run breakfast; this week it was scrambled eggs, rye toast and fresh fruit. I think I made a better choice this week.

It's very easy to get lulled into overeating when you're as active as I am, and I think that's probably what happened to me last week. That's why I find journalling to be so helpful - it really helps to keep me on track. My run this morning (105 minutes) earned me an extra 1100 calories! I'll probably end up well under that today as I still have about 1,000 calories left to consume and there's no way I'm going to get all that in before the end of the day today. That's fine, though, because I'm not really that hungry.

I've had a bit of a headache since my run this morning. I think it might be related to dehydration, so I should probably have some water. Hold on, I'll be right back [talk amongst yourselves]...

I'm back.

I'm watching TV getting ready for the Grey Cup to start (that's the Canadian equivalent of the Super Bowl). The Montreal Alouettes (my hometown team) are playing the Edmonton Eskimos. Go, Als!!

I'm teaching off site this week, which means I have to travel to the middle of nowhere for three days (North York, for those of you who know TO). I hate braving rush hour traffic when I have to drive through the middle of the city. Blech!

I think H and I are going to try to make it to yoga tomorrow night since she was away for the last two weeks and I didn't go. Tuesday is floor hockey (first game of the playoffs - we're in last place) and picking up my bike. Wednesday is run club. Beyond that, I don't have a lot of plans.

Next weekend is going to be busy as the holiday party season is starting.

Oh, and I'm also doing a crazy charity run on Saturday, December 10th. It's a "Santa Speedo Run", which means that everyone (men and women) will be running through the streets of downtown in our Speedos and Santa caps. The run starts at 1:30PM and it's in a very ritzy/trendy shopping district, so all the holiday shoppers are sure to be in for a treat! Ha!

New Ride!

Ooooooo, I bought a new bike today!! I have to go in on Tuesday to be fit and I'll bring her home then. I'm soooooo happy!!

Here she is:

She's a Cervelo Dual with DuraAce components (a big step up from my current ride). I've named her "Vroom" because that's how it feels to ride her. You can't see it in the photo, but there is some small lettering on the frame that says "Vroomen White Design", so that's where the idea for the name Vroom came from.

I was trying to decide between two bikes, the other one being a beautiful blue Cannondale, but her name just wasn't coming to me. And that's weird because I'm riding a Cannondale now. The other reason I bought this one is because it literally had my name on it. They had to ship it up from their downtown store for me to try so it had a little tag that said: Sold on one side and my name on the other. How could I argue with the tag!

Shedding

I'm shedding hair like mad! It's EVERYWHERE! I can't stand stray hairs, they bug me. I'm finding them everywhere and it's getting annoying.

I have to say that my hair is one of my best features. I've never coloured it -- never really thought about it -- but now the colour is starting to fade and I'm sad about it. I've developed quite a bit of gray underneath at the temples. It really shows when I pull my hair back.

I managed to drag my ass out of bed this morning and get to the gym. I only had time to do 18 minutes on the elliptical before my 30-minute Gravity class started. I hardly feel like I worked out at all.

Today's weigh-in was depressing. Last Friday I weighed in at 167.8, which was a new low. On Monday, it had crept back up to 169.8 but I had just started my period, so that was to be expected. Today, I weighed in again and I'm up yet ANOTHER pound to 170.8, effectively negating the three pounds I thought I had just lost. Grrrrrr.

So, what am I going to do about it? With Christmas coming in a mere 30 days (not to mention that the "holiday season" will actually start for me next weekend with two parties on Friday and two on Saturday), I want to make sure that I don't gain any more weight because I certainly won't be able to lose any for that three-week feeding frenzy known as the Christmas holidays!

Any suggestions on what I can do to kick things up a notch?

Tired

I think there's a "tired" bug going around. I don't know anyone who isn't feeling tired right now. For the record, I'm not the one who started the epidemic, so don't go blaming me!

Just like Monday when I had planned to swim, I packed and hauled my knapsack to work, with the intention of going to the gym, either at lunch or after work. Well, I had a meeting that didn't get out until noon and I was starving at that point, so I bailed on the gym in favour of lunch. Then 4:30 came around and I really didn't feel like going.

I made a deal with myself: if I got my computer shut down and got to the streetcar stop in time to catch my 4:45 streetcar, then I could go home and ride my bike or something. If not, then I would go to the gym (since it would be 15 minutes before the next one came and it beats standing around). Well, I caught the 4:45 streetcar, so no gym. And as soon as I walked into my apartment I changed right into my jammies (so, no bike ride tonight).

I WILL go to the gym tomorrow morning. I WILL, I WILL , I WILL!! Promise.

Without my planned exercise, I'll probably end up going over on calories today. I'll just cut back a bit tomorrow.

It's been snowing off and on here all day. Not much accumulation, but just enough to mess up the roads and sidewalks. And it's insanely windy out, too.

I didn't make it to run club last night as I had to pick the BC up at the airport. She had a bit of a customs nightmare, so she didn't come out until about 90 minutes after her plane landed. It was soooooo great to see her, though! When I got home, I didn't even stop long enough to think about it and just got into my running clothes right away. I ran up the street then turned around and ran back down, for a total of 5.6K. Not a major workout, but I was going at a pretty good clip and the first half was entirely uphill.

So, I guess my message for today is: no guilt. No guilt over not working out. No guilt over too many calories. Tomorrow is another day.

Flashback...

I'm giving myself a good chuckle reading some of my old journal entries. This is from WAY BEFORE I started on-line journalling.

Here's an exerpt from November 22, 1996:

I don't know how many days it's been since I started, but it's been a little over a month. So far, I feel great. I've fallen off the wagon a bit with the food and water parts. It's hard to fit everything into a day. The best part is that working out in the morning gets me started on the right foot. [...] I made the Great Attenders board at the fitness centre. I worked out 11 days in October. I think that's pretty good since I only started part way through the month.

December 9, 1996:

I went for a jog/walk yesterday. I tried to set short running goals for myself and it wasn't too bad. An article I read in Cosmo said that the first 5-10 minutes of running is harder than the second. What a joke - I couldn't run for 5 minutes straight if my life depended on it! That's a bad analogy, but you get the picture. My legs are really sore today, too.

January 13, 1997:

Had a good workout this morning. I ran for 7 minutes and I actually felt like I broke through the pain after 5 minutes. I'm going to try for 8 minutes tomorrow morning.

January 14, 1997:

I did it!! I was #1 on the Great Attenders Board for December! I won with 20 workouts in December. There were four people who went 19 times. Coming in those Saturdays really paid off. I ran for 8 minutes today - the longest ever! It really does wipe me out, though.

Oh, how far I've come since then... It encourages me during times now when I don't think I'll ever reach my goals.

The other thing that really struck me about my entries is how my behaviour towards men hasn't changed one single bit since then. I am still just as obsessed about guys who have no interest in me. I still read into things they say and do and think that there's "meaning" in them. I and still lack any kind of confidence in myself where my interactions with men are concerned. Have I learned nothing in the last 9 years?? Clearly not. [sigh] I was totally hung up on a guy back then who had no interest in me beyond friendship, yet for some reason I could not see that, despite all the evidence. And the same thing is true today, except that it's a different guy. Let him go, La. Let him go.

Swimming... NOT!

Oh, I had intentions. Good ones. I packed my bag to take to the office this morning. At 3PM I printed off a workout and even put it in a little plastic page holder so that it wouldn't get wet.

And then 4:30 came along and I had absolutely NO interest in walking over to the pool. I picked up my knapsack, zipped up my jacket and walked to the streetcar stop instead of to the pool. No second thoughts.

But on the 30-min ride home, I started to feel the little pangs of guilt. Mostly because I had allowed myself to have a chocolate bar this afternoon to satisfy a craving I'd been having for a while. And without that workout I was going to be over on my calories for the day.

So, I put my dinner in the microwave on a delay timer and jumped on my bike for 30+ minutes. My guilt assuaged, I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner and have now hunkered down for an evening of channel and internet surfing.

I was up a couple of of pounds this morning (back up to 169.8) , but that's to be expected considering today was day two of my period. It also explains the chocolate cravings.

Tomorrow: I WILL get up and go to the gym in the morning. I promise! There's a 6:30 Gravity class that I quite like, so I'm planning to go to that. I can probably also squeeze in a quick cardio workout after that as I don't have any early meetings tomorrow. We have our final regular-season floor hockey game tomorrow night (then two weeks of playoffs). We're in last place, but we could move up a place depending on how the team ahead of us does.

The BC comes home from her month-long pilgrimage on Wednesday and I'm going to the airport to pick her up in the afternoon. What a star! Walking 700km in 30 days! It boggles the mind. I can't wait to hear all about it.

Oh, forgot to mention about yesterday's run. We did 14.4K in 1:35, which is a pretty good pace for me for a long run (6:35 per km). We were a pretty good-sized group, too, and it was a perfect day for running (sunny and cool).

So close I can taste it!

I went bike shopping today.

My local multi-sport store was having its open house today (and tomorrow), so after I did my 60-minute jaunt on my trainer I got showered, caffeinated and drove up to the store.

It was a madhouse! I just kind of wandered around and said Hi to a few people I knew (and smiled at other acquaintances across the store).

While I was talking to one of my tri club board members a guy came up and asked us if we needed help with anything. I said that I was looking for a bike and the first words out of his mouth were, "Well then you definitely need a carbon bike..." and went into this whole schpeel about the advantages of carbon fibre, blah, blah, blah. First, I told him that I didn't think carbon would be appropriate for me being a larger person, to which he said, "You're about 120, there's no problem with carbon."

120?? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Yeah, OK buddy, I know you want a sale but let's get real here. Again, he just kept going on and on about these bikes without really asking me anything about myself (yawn).

Just then, the owner of the store came over and asked how I was doing. He's another acquaintance of mine (I've taught a triathlon clinic at his store in my neighbourhood). He basically told the other guy to get lost and that he'd help me out (sweet!). Now this guy knows how to sell bikes! He was asking me about myself and my riding style and what I like/don't like about my current bike, etc. Then he took some measurements to see what size frame I should be in. Turns out I have a long torso - who knew??!! Anyway, we've narrowed it down based on price range and I'm going to go back next weekend to try out a few different models. Yea!

The big decision will be road geometry vs. tri geometry. Right now I'm on road, but I'm not sure that this is really the best for me. I always have a sore butt and lower back when I ride, so I just want to be comfortable on my bike, regardless of which setup ends up being better for me.

Although in the back of my mind I KNEW that I wasn't coming home with a bike today, I really wish I could have. Oh well, next weekend. Patience has never been my forte.

Tech talk: The two tri bikes I'm considering are the Cervelo Dual and the Cannondale Ironman 800. The Cervelo is a bit more expensive, but not so much so. And it's a slightly better bike. I think I'm looking at Ultegra components (can't really afford DurAce), but with a compact crank to make up for the fact that I need a little extra help getting up the big hills. Both bikes are very pretty (cuz that's equally important). The Cervelo is silver (not my first choice) and the Cannondale is acqua blue with these really cool flame graphics on it. There's a pretty yellow Cervelo, but it won't be available until May, which is too late for me (whaaa!). Last year's Cervelo may also be available in blue/black/white. The only thing about that design I don't like is that it's very common as most of their bikes have that design.

It's a beautiful, sunny, cool day here. I had thoughts of housecleaning, but I just cant bring myself to do it. So I think I'll head downtown and go drink some wine instead (at the Wine Show).

Underground

One of the benefits of working downtown is the incredible underground path that links all the major office towers for many, many blocks. There are literally MILES of underground paths that link downtown together underground.

Normally, I walk outside. As convenient as it is, I prefer the fresh air and it's actually faster to get around as it's more direct.

But today, the wind was howling and I was just not prepared for the cold, so I walked the block-and-a-half outside to *bucks and then went underground the rest of the way.

I'm not ready for it to be cold. Brrr.

I had a good workout at the gym this morning. I only had time for a quick warm-up on the elliptical before my Gravity class started, but I did that one at a higher intensity level, so it was a good challenge.

Food was OK today. Stayed within calories, but probably didn't make all the best choices. It was what it was.

Did laundry after work. Just chillin' tonight.

Tomorrow, I'm going to ride on my trainer in the morning then go on a little shopping spree for MYSELF! Yes, I'm in the market for a new bike and two of the local shops are having their open houses / sales this weekend. I also want to go to the wine show at the convention centre. I'll end up having to go on my own as nobody else seems to be interested in going.

Sunday is long run day. Probably about 14K or so.

That's about it. Happy weekend!!

We won!! We won!!

Oh, the sweet smell of victory! We FINALLY won our first floor hockey game of the season. Yes, it was only our second-to-last game, but we won none the less. Final score: 6-3. I didn't score (sniff), but we played really well against a team that hacks and bullies and is just generally nasty to play against. But we beat them - woo!

Basking in the glory of a hard fought victory! Yea!

I showed that darned scale.. ha!

Oh miracle of miracles: 167.8lbs! That's my lowest weight EVAH! That's a three-pound loss since last Monday's weigh-in, but it's not all "net new" weight loss. My previous low had been 169.something. Still, it's a whole new breakthrough for me.

FINALLY, all my hard work over the last few weeks has paid off. Since I didn't weigh myself right after my vacation and since I bought a new scale, I don't have an actual "official" weight-loss number for this phase. The closest I can figure is 6-7 pounds over a 9-week period. It's not exactly what I had hoped for, wishing that I could drop 1.5-2 pounds per week, but I'll take it.

I've updated my stats on the right. Lowest weight to date: 167.8 recorded on Monday, November 12, 2005.

Since the "Miracle on the Scales", I haven't eaten particularly well, but I have stayed within my daily calorie allowance. I just probably shouldn't have had the skin on the rotisserie chicken on Monday, nor the five little Lindor chocolates I consumed over the last two days (three yesterday, two today). Thankfully they're gone now. I'll do better, I swear. Right now, I'm blaming it on PMS.

I have to leave for floor hockey soon (we are still winless - whaaa!). It's nasty outside - wind, rain, blech!! I'd much rather be tucked in nice and cozy under my down duvet. But the team calls...

Condo update

I met the RE agent today to pick out my finishes for the condo. I took my friend CL with me just to have a second pair of eyes and ears in case I forgot anything.

I was very happy to see that the colours/style I had envisioned for my kitchen were available. It's a shaker-style cabinet in kind of teak colour (medium orangey-brown) with brushes "stainless" knobs. I ugraded the cabinets to solid wood because it wasn't that expensive. I also bit the bullet and upgraded to the stainless steel appliance package. The countertops are laminate (I just don't have the budget for granite), but they are simulated slate, so it's got some of the warm brown of the cabinets, plus some darker/lighter brown, green and rust.

But then he says that the only colour option for the kitchen floor tiles is WHITE! White?? That's just wrong! He suggested that he was going to ask the builder if we could buy our own tiles and have them install them for us. I want a slate-looking floor, so I really would prefer to buy them myself. I hope he goes for it. I also hope he goes for the proposition of allowing us to include the upgrades in the purchase price and not have to pay cash for them.

On the way home, CL and I went by the site to check the place out since I wasn't able to get pictures yesterday because the crew was working. There was a gap in the gate, so we walked right onto the site and took pictures close up. As we were leaving, I spotted a door open. Hmmm, that was just so tempting, so despite the large "No Tresspassing" sign outside, we went in. I could faintly hear voices inside, but I forged ahead anyway. I walked into the unit that would be right below mine to get a feeling for it. It looked AMAZING! The floors and walls are still concrete and there's nothing in there yet, but it was great to just get a feeling for the space.

As we were walking out I spotted a staircase going up. I couldn't resists, so we climbed the stairs to my level to scope that out. Again, we could hear voices, but we figured if someone sees us they could just ask us to leave - no harm done. I went into my own unit and took a bunch of photos. I even went upstairs and checked out the loft space.

This is going to be SO COOL!!! Although I'm disappointed that I won't be in for Cripsmas, I'm still getting really excited about it and looking forward to moving in.

*****

In other news, I did something yesterday that I haven't done in weeks: I went swimming!! I haven't been to the pool since my clinic a few weeks ago and it felt really good. I was the fastest person in the fast lane, which is always a good ego-boost (yet a pain in the ass when I have to keep passing people). I swam 1800m in 36 minutes. Not a record-setting time, but I did do some kicking drills, which are very slow. My 400m set was 7:50, so I was very happy with that!

I also rode my bike on Saturday morning for about an hour while watching the Ironman World Championships from last year. This year's race was on TV in the afternoon, so I was just watching last year's race as a warm-up. I really shouldn't watch those shows when I have PMS because I just bawl like a baby from all the human interest stories (and there were plenty this year, too). If you've never seen it, it's quite amazing and inspiring.

Today, I went for a run with Run Club and we did 12K in 1:20. It was pretty warm (10-12C) and the rain held off, which was great. My hamstrings are a bit sore still from the race last week so I didn't do so well on the uphills (owie!).

Searching for normal

After reading Trish's post about being "normal", I started to think about what "normal" really means. And, more importantly, what "normal" means to me.

To some degree, I have been striving to be normal for the last 28 years. My first feeling of not being normal was after my father died. I really think I struggled with trying to be normal ever since. It hardly mattered what I did or who I was friends with, I never really felt normal.

Certainly, when I was at a maximum weight of 235 pounds I was anything BUT normal. But everything I did (even before trying to lose weight) was motivated by trying to be normal and fit in.

Where some people would say, "When I lose the weight, I'll...", I would say to myself, "When I'm normal, I'll...". The excess weight was just the external evidence of how non-normal I felt inside. As an extension of that, I always felt like I would not be loved (or worthy of love) until I was normal.

So now, 65 pounds later, do I feel normal? Hmmmm... not yet. What will it take? Somehow I don't think it will be found in lost poundage, though.

Good news, bad news

[sigh]

The good news is that I get to pick the finishes for my new condo this weekend!! I called the Real Estate Agent and he arranged the appointment for this coming Sunday. I don't really know what I have to choose from, but I definitely have a picure in my mind of what I want.

Yes, I'm getting into nesting mode again.

The bad news? Well, he also informed me that the occupancy date has been delayed and it likely won't be ready until mid-January (whaaa!). I had all kinds of plans for Christmas (oops, Cripsmas, sorry J) in my new place, so now we'll have to figure something else out.

Here's the artist's concept of what the building looks like from the exterior. It pretty much does look like that (except that where the trees are on the right is an old house next door):













Here's a photo of what it looked like a couple of months ago:





















I need to get some new shots because it's looking pretty swanky now that all the windows are in. Here's the layout. I's a two-storey loft, the left is the lower level and the right is the upper. For some reason the images aren't of even scale. The whole place is about 780 square feet (total):






















That's it! Pretty cool, eh? La's gonna be a HOMEOWNER!! Woo!

Supposed to be a rest day... HA!

Normally, the day after a race is a rest day. But this evening I decided to go to Yoga. And it's not the easy relaxing yoga - it's hot, strength building yoga. My hamstrings and quads were screaming at me! But in the end it felt great to move and stretch and keep my muscles moving.

After yoga H and I went to Lick's for a burger as I was FAMISHED! We had turkey burgers. And to my surprise, they are actually listed on Nutr1diary! So the burger itself was only 183 calories, however the bun was almost 300!! I was still well within my daily calorie limit, though.

I'm taking a little mini-break from my regular exercise this week while my legs heal up and recover from the beating I gave them yesterday. I'm playing floor hockey tomorrow night, so I'll have to run around the gym a bit (so much for rest!). I was going to swim on Wednesday, but now I've learned that I have a work social event that night, so no swimming. Friday is a holiday in the bank for Remeberance Day, so maybe I can go for a swim then.

Less exercise also means less eating! Yikes! That should be interesing!

But to be honest, nothing else seems to be having an effect on my weight, so maybe this will do it. I can only hope!

A New Personal Best!

Well, the day did not start off as I had hoped. I weighed in at 170.0 lbs. Essentially, no change since my last weigh-in 10 days ago. Grrrr!

Anyway, I brushed that off and headed out to my race: the Angus Glen Half Marathon (21.1K or 13.1 miles).

I didn't really go into this race trying for a personal best (PB). I had been doing my long runs, some speed work, but not much else than that. I just wanted to have a good run and see how it goes. I drove up in convoy with CL, KL and KH. We parked in the big muddy field and then made our way to the clubhouse at the golf course where the race was starting.

It was PACKED by the time we got there and bathroom lineups (which I had to stand in twice) were pretty long. The horn from the fire truck went off just after 10AM and we began our run. It was a bit slow going on the run out of the club because of the narrow path and the number of runners, but CL and I were able to pick up the pace on the slight downhill after that. We hit the 1K mark in just over 6 minutes and CL was worried that we had gone out too fast. I said that we were fine and that our pace would slow down once we started the walk breaks (heh, heh, heh).

Running through the neighbourhood was quite nice. It was great that some families came out to cheer us on. And there were NO issues with traffic or road closures, that I could see. I didn't take my split times, but we hit the 5K mark in just over 30 minutes. Yes, a little faster than planned, but there was still a lot of race to go.

The "hill" leading up to the 6K marker that we had heard about beforehand wasn't really an issue. As we were climbing we saw the 2:15 pace bunny ahead of us. I was determined to get past her and picked up the pace a bit since there was a big crowd around her and I don't like running in a pack like that. Just then, someone decided to start singing and that was the LAST thing I wanted to hear, so to CL's dismay (yet again), I picked up the pace to get away from the singer.

The rolling hills started around the 6K point and lasted all the way until the 18K mark (with one flat but windy section from about 14-16K). Hills are not my strength (unless they're of the "down" persuasion), which is part of the reason why I hadn't set my heart on a PB as this was not a flat and fast course. We hit the 10K at 1:01 and the half-way point at 1:04-something, so we knew that we were both on pace for a PB if we could maintain that pace. The rolling section from 11K-15K was a non-issue. But when we made the turn south just before the 15K mark... WHAM! There was the wind! At CL's suggestion, we took turns leading and drafting to save energy. Another woman tried to tuck in behind us, but I think we eventually ended up dropping her.

The best part was hitting the 16K marker in 1:38 and knowing that if we could run the final 5K in 30:00, we'd both have PBs. However, this is also where my hamstrings started to sing (and their singing was WAY off key!). I asked myself, "How bad do you want this?" and decided to keep pushing the pace to the best of my ability. Our friend E was waiting for us at the next corner, just as we turned out of the wind. It was great to have company on the last bit of the run. In fact, when we made the final turn into the massive headwind at about the 18.5K mark, she took the lead and we drafted behind her. CL decided to take her final walk break and I wanted to forge ahead, so E ran with me until we hit the crest of the final hill and then she went back to run with CL.

I love running downhill, but it was totally spoiled today by that nasty headwind. It was a nice treat to see some friends from my on-line running club on the final approach to the entrance to the golf club. I knew at that point that I was going to have a PB on the day and pointed to my watch as I passed them. That was the last time I had looked at my watch, so instead I keyed off the couple running ahead of me. I passed them in the last few hundred meters. I saw KH and KL near the finish line. I was totally stoked to see the time on the clock was 2:09-something, which meant an official PB for me on the day. My official finishing time was 2:09:14, which is 47 seconds faster than my previous PB that I set in Ottawa this past May.

Almost as soon as I got my medal, I could feel my hamstrings cramping up. I'll have to take it easy this week, that's for sure.

The post-race food was good, but the space seemed a bit small for the number of people. They cut off registration at 1,000 runners, which was a good call as it would have been insane with any more than that.

For the rest of the day I simply vegged on the couch and tried not to think about my sore hamstrings. I'll be feeling them tomorrow, that's for sure! Maybe I should book myself a massage...

Speaking of food, I didn't even bother to track my calories consumed today. I'd have no clue on how to tabulate the calories from my post-race meal. Today's run burned close to 1,800 additional calories, so I'm not too worried about going over.

Pre-Race Routine

I'm not a particularly superstitious person. I can be anal about some things, but I'm not one of those OC people who have to have things lined up a certain way or have to put their right sock on before their left or are germ-o-phobic or anything like that (quite the opposite, actually).

My pre-race routine really consists of having as much information as possible. And I want that information to be extremely accurate. I don't like going into situations blindly; I like to know the 411. I get comfort from knowing, even if none of the things are within my control.

Case in point: last weekend I organized a group training run up on part of the race course so that I could get a bit of a preview. Today, I drove up to get my race registration sorted out and decided to drive the part of the course that I had not seen last weekend. The course is what it is (a few hills, but I can deal with that) and I can't do anything to change it, but I get great comfort in knowing what I'll be up against on race day.

And I guess I'm kind of like that in life in general. I don't like surprises. I don't generally like the unknown, yet I also have confidence in myself that I can adapt to any situation that's presented to me once I'm in it. I think it's more that I don't want to be embarassed or humiliated or ridiculed for being naive or ignorant. I don't want to mess up, so I like to be prepared for things ahead of time.

Having said that, it's not like I won't go to new places or do new things. In fact, I do all kinds of things on my own that many other people wouldn't do (like go to a party by myself, even if I don't know many people there). But I still like to get the lay of the land as much as possible beforehand. I guess it's about having some tiny bit of control when everything else is outside of my control.

That could also be why I am so obsessed by maps and directions. Before I go anywhere new I always map out the route and review it several times so that I know where I'm going at all times. I find maps very comforting. And I'm totally stoked about this new G00gle mapping application that someone developed that allows me to map out my running route and distances anywhere in North America (maybe even in the world, although I've never tried)! It's very cool.

So, I'm going into tomorrow's race with as much information about the course as possible. I have either run or driven the entire course and I've mapped it out so I know where all the kilometer markers are, too.

If only the other areas of my life were like that.

Frrrrrriday!

Oh, I just love Fridays! I like them even better when I have something exciting to do on Friday night. Alas, tonight I do not.

I did laundry after work (yawn) and then came home and nuked something for dinner. I went over on my calories today, but only by about 80 calories (and that's with trying for a 500-calorie deficit). But the whole thing is really moot because I don't know for sure what my BMR is, what my additional calories burned in a day are, and I also don't know exactly the calorie count of some of the foods I ate today. So there.

I took the day off from exercise, too, because I'm racing on Sunday. I like to take the day-before-the-day-before my race off. Tomorrow, I'll do some light spinning on my bike in the morning and then I have to drive up to pick up my race kit so that I don't have to worry about it on race morning. I'm also going to meet J and her mum for lunch, I think.

My pre-race plan is to hydrate and eat well, but my favourite pre-race ritual is to have a beer the night before the race, so I'll do that tomorrow. Just one, mind you. And it'll be a nice hearty one (Kilkenny) not some sappy domestic-water-for-beer. Blech!

I have several goals for Sunday's race. Ideally, I'd like to be able to finish in under 2:15. If the stars align, I'd love to break my previous PB of 2:10:01. This spring, I ran the NYC Half Marathon in 2:14, which was quite hilly and I hadn't really done much training, so I think it's possible to do sub-2:15 as I've actually trained for this race. We'll see. Full report to follow on Sunday.

NSVs

Well, considering I am on a hiatus from the scales this week (only 3 more days until I can weigh in again!), I can only report NSVs. I am happy to say that I had TWO this week! Oh, and one little hiccup in my plan.

NSV#1: Like a High School Reunion – only better!

Tuesday night I went to a reunion. It wasn’t for High School or even College. It was a reunion of people who used to work together in the 80s and 90s. I worked there from 1991 until 1994. Shortly after I left, the company was sold to a bank (coincidentally, the bank for which I now work) and the principals of the company left to pursue other ventures. But in the years we all worked there, we worked hard and played even harder. There was an incredible entrepreneurial spirit among those who worked there and everyone agreed that it was the people and the culture that kept us there when the volume of work was so insanely high.

As the years have gone by, many people have left, yet some still remain with the old company (now owned by the bank) and they lament that “things aren’t as good as they used to be.” Those of us who left before things got really corporate remember our time there fondly.

But the reason this reunion was so good was more personal for me. You see, when I worked there I was at least 50 if not 60 pounds heavier than I am now. In fact, many people didn’t even recognize me. Those who did commented on how great I looked. I was a little bit nervous before I met up with my friend JR to go over to the party. I hadn’t seen many of these people in more than 10 years. But when I walked in and saw how old (and in many cases, fat) people had gotten, I took small comfort in the fact that I was one of the few (if only) people who actually looked BETTER today than we did back then. And I got a huge confidence boost from that.

Just like in High School, there were people whose best days were clearly behind them. And I realized that I am currently in my “best days”, yet I still feel that I have many more to come.

Oh, and the dress? It was PERFECT! There was a photographer on hand so hopefully I’ll be able to post a photo.

NSV#2: Pants!

Yesterday, I wore these pants that I have had for a while. Maybe they’re 18 months old. I really quite like them but it was starting to become evident that they are just too freaking big for me now. They were almost literally falling off me yesterday. They are a size 15, so I went to the little shop downstairs to see if I could find something that would fit properly. I was pretty sure that the 13s would fit just fine considering how big the 15s were on me. Well, not only did the 13s fit, but they were actually LOOSE on me! Not so loose that I’d be able to fit into the 11s, but loose enough that I only bought one pair because I’m likely to grow out of them again pretty soon (if you call losing weight “growing out of”). Woo!

Hiccup: Food!

Food mistake #1: Last night I went to the gym after work and ran on the treadmill. I had to kill time before meeting my friends at 7PM uptown. I grabbed a blueberry bagel to eat in the car as I knew I wouldn’t be able to wait until after 7PM to eat dinner. I’m always ravenous after a workout, so I needed something to tie me over. When I got to the restaurant, everyone was ordering their famous chicken wings. Who was I to stray from the other seven people at the table were ordering! I showed great restraint and only ordered 10 wings (everyone else ordered 20) and I didn’t order fries or anything. I actually had to struggle through the last two wings as I was already quite full (hmmm, should have stopped at eight, really). When I got home I logged my wings into Nutr1diary and found that [GASP!] those wings could have been anywhere between 650 and 1,100 calories, depending on which restaurant they were from!!! Of course, the restaurant I went to was not on the list, so I kind of split the difference and logged it at around 750 calories (there wasn't any sweet sauce on them). Depending on what the actual calorie count was, I might have been over on my calories for the day.

Food mistake #2 came today. We were having a going away party for a colleague, which usually means cake or cookies or something like that. I ate one oatmeal raisin cookie (about 2.5 inches in diameter), which according to Nutr1diary is probably about 150 calories. But did I leave it at just one? Nooooooo, I had to have a second cookie – chocolate chip this time (about 155 calories). Grrr.

Good thing I rode my bike to work today to work off some of those extra calories… And I guess that as long as I account for the calories and don’t go over in a day then it’s not all that bad.

I'm just hoping it wasn't a little self-sabotage.

Back on the Iron Horse

Ever since my crash five weeks ago I haven't been on my commuter bike (the Iron Horse). Some of it was due to cold wet weather. Some of it was due to my work schedule. But some of it also had to do with the fact that I was a bit gun shy about riding in the city.

I had to take my car into the shop and instead of trying to do it first thing tomorrow morning, I opted to drop it off late this afternoon. The mechanic is just up the road from me (about 3.5K), so I decided to put the Iron Horse on my bike rack, drive up there, leave my car and then ride my bike back home. I tried to get there before sundown (damn that Standard time change!), but it was starting to get dark on my ride home (which was entirely downhill - whoo!). I had my lights and reflective gear on, but I kept looking over my shoulder to watch for cars trying to pass me too closely. I made it home safe and sound and the plan is to ride to the gym and work tomorrow.

I had a lovely run this morning. The weather was GORGEOUS! Sunny, crisp and clear. I met up with some friends (some of whom I "met" on-line before I actually met them in person) and we ran a 12.5K-loop to preview the half-marathon race course we'll be doing next week. It looks to be a bit hilly, so I'm not expecting any kind of personal best time. I'll be happy with anything under 2:15. I kind of vegged on the couch for most of the afternoon until I went out for a walk to pick up some veggies for dinner.

Nutr1diary was down for two days this weekend (Fri/Sat). I didn't bother going back and trying to re-log the food I ate those two days, so I'll have to hope that I stayed within my daily calories. I just finished logging today's calories and it looks like I'm still about 400 calories under plan. I'm not really hungry, though, so I don't see the point in eating more just to get the extra calories in.

I am under-hydrated today, though. I need to get some more water into me as I went for that run (1:20) and only took in 500mL of fluid. I had a large coffee afterwards and a Limonata (Italian lemon soda) later in the afternoon, but that's about it. I actually feel thirsty, which means that I'm already dehydrated.

Tomorrow would normally be a weigh-in day, but I am abstaining this week under advice of, oh, EVERYONE! I'm anxious to weigh in, but I'll wait until next Sunday as I have committed. Everyone I see has commented on how much thinner they think I look. I can't really see it myself (except when I wear my HOT NEW DRESS!).

The one good thing about the time change is that it will be easier to get up to go to the gym tomorrow morning. I think I'm also going to Yoga tomorrow night (I made plans with H last week). I haven't been in months, so that should be interesting!

Ahh, Saturday!

I love Saturday.

I got up around 7:30 and was on my bike by 8:00 (in my living room, watching CSI that I taped the other night). I rode for an hour (just over 25K).

After my ride I walked down to meet my friends for breakfast. It's a gorgeous day outside today! Sunny and crisp! I love it! After breakfast I bought some make-up for tonight and a small beaded handbag for my party on Tuesday.

I have intentions of cleaning my apartment today. Intentions are good. We'll see how much I actually get done. I'm burning my new favourite candle, so my whole apartment smells lovely. And I'm sipping on my Comfort Tea. Yummmmm!

OK, OK, FINE! I'll go do some housework (blech!).

Update:

OK, I tried the dress on again but this time with the pantyhose and shoes I'll be wearing and I just have to say: I LOOK TOTALLY HOT!! I love love love love my new dress! And love love love how I look in it. And that was without my hair done and no makeup on. Yea! Who cares what freakin' size it is!

And, I also managed to make my Halloween costume and it turned out really well. My sewing maching held out for the one seam I had to sew and the rest didn't need any sewing. It's going to be really cool!

Got a Dress!

Score another half-point for me! I'll tell you why: I found a dress for the party I'm going to on Tuesday. In fact, it was the same dress I tried on Friday evening that didn't fit. I found it in another location of the same store in a size 14. I'm happy that I found a dress, but sad that I had to get the 14 (which is why I'm only "scoring" a half-point for that).

It kind of has a Jackie-O look to it. It's about knee-length, sleveless, fairly high in front and cut into a V in the back. It's very fitted in the body and kind of flares out below the waist with a bit of fullness to it without being fussy. It's black and has a bit of a texture (kind of like tone-on-tone brocade). It's very "me" and I think I'm going to look very good in it. I have a pair of black patent leather sling backs that I'll wear with it.

The process to actually aquire this dress was quite painful. I had to go to two malls (I hate malls) and countless stores before I found it. I actually ended up in $ears, of all places, where I tried on five or six dresses. I did find one that was suitable, but again, the 12 was just that little bit too tight. And do you think I could find a 14 in ANYTHING?? Lots of 12s and 16s, but no 14s in sight! Grrr. And that seemed to be a theme in every store I went into.

I have also decided that bias-cut dresses are evil. Honestly, does ANYONE without a perfect body look good in a bias-cut dress or skirt? I don't think so! Every one I tried on accentuated every little lump and bump in my lower body (and there are many). I'm hoping that the proper undergarments will solve this problem with the dress I currently have (because NO dress can hide all a girl's flaws).

I left home at 8:30 this morning and didn't get back until after 3PM. Sigh. Shopping is tough work! And they're doing construction at the mall I was at so the place smelled like tar (blech!). It was actually giving me a headache. As I was leaving I spotted Av3da (my fave store). The scent drew me in. I wasn't in the store 60 seconds when the salesperson offered me some tea. Ahhhh! I love their tea! I just basked in the aroma while I sipped on my Comfort Tea. I bought myself a candle ($40!! Yikes!) and a box of the tea (they have it in bags now, not just loose), which was my little splurge on myself and reward for a hard day of shopping.

When I got home I decided to go out for a run. I didn't really have a planned route, but I just wanted to go out and get some fresh air. I planned to run for 30 minutes and I think it ended up being 29 minutes, so that was good.

I have to work on my halloween costume tonight. I bought a wig and some material this morning and I'm going as the Mona Lisa. I have a blank picture frame that I'm going to take with me to complete the outfit. I don't think my sewing machine is working, so I might have to sew the whole thing by hand. Yikes! I'll let you know how it turns out.

I did it!

Or rather, DIDN'T do it: step on the scales this morning.

My normal routine when I get up is to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, shower, dry off and then weigh myself. Today, as I was in the bathroom, I deliberately told myself not to weigh in. But when it came time to get dressed, weighing in had completely slipped my mind, even though the scale was right there in plain sight.

I think I'll be able to resist the temptation for the next week or so.

The thing is, until I got this new scale I wasn't really tempted to weigh myself daily. It's just because it's new and so fancy with its body fat measurement and everything. And how it stores the data from your last weigh-in is really cool, too!

Anyway, I'm confident that I've made peace with it, if only temporarily. Next weigh-in date will be Sunday, November 5. Normally, I would weigh myself on a Monday, but since I am racing that day, I want to weigh myself before my race because your body weight can be all out of whack the day after a race due to over- or under-hydration.

I'm taking tomorrow off work (yea!). I just needed a little break and I have a lot of stuff to do over the next few days, so that's what I'm going to do. The sad thing is that I'll probably have to make a "to do" list for my day off since I have so many things "to do". Sigh.

I have two parties to go to on Saturday and one of them is a costume party, so I have to go in search of a costume tomorrow. Next Tuesday I have a cocktail party to go to and need a dress to wear, so I have to go in search of that this weekend, too. I did try on a few dresses after work today, but couldn't find the right one. One dress was quite nice, but it was just a tad tight and I didn't want to worry about having to suck in my gut all night. But it was a size 12, which was very cool!! I'm very close to being able to wear a 12 for real. I suspect that a 14 (which they didn't have in stock) would have been a little too big (so there!). Score half a point for me!

Message to GUS

[For the record, GUS stands for Great Universal Spirit, which to this non-religious person is the closest thing to “god” I believe in.]

Dear GUS,

We haven’t spoken officially in a while, meaning that I have not come to you expressing my intentions. I know how much you reward those who do express their intentions in an honest and forthright fashion, so here goes. I also know that you know better than I do in these things, so I have to defer to your judgment and accept that whatever you provide to me is exactly what I need, and at the exact time that I need it.

Intention #1:

I’ve chosen to lead a healthy life. I engage in deliberate exercise and monitor what I eat and drink. My intention is to have a healthy body and a healthy body weight. My goal is to use food as fuel and not as medication to suppress my feelings or deal with stress. I’m asking that you continue to help me achieve my goals in this area.

Intention #2:

I’ve chosen to be independent and self-sufficient. I am financially responsible and live within my means. It wasn’t always this way, but I’ve made great strides in this area over the last few years. I also take pride in the fact that I am resourceful and can fend for myself most of the time. I do struggle with the times when I have to ask for help as I’m not very good at that. It’s difficult for me to show my vulnerability for fear that I will be judged negatively or, worse: be taken advantage of. Because of that, I have closed myself off from people, especially men. I no longer want to live my life in this closed-off manner and I ask that you provide me with the opportunities to practice “letting go” in a safe way so that I can build my confidence and ultimately allow myself to open up. As much as I am happy being self-sufficient, no man is an island and I think I’m ready to start sharing my life with someone now.

Oh, and not like I’m trying to tell you how to do your job or anything, but some results on the scales and a date with a man would be really nice right about now!

Aside: OK, OK, I PROMISE that I will not weigh myself again until after my race next weekend. I did weigh myself this morning (again) and was relieved to see that yesterday's two-pound weight gain was just a fluke (I'm back down to 170.2). But I'll go on a "scale diet" for the next 10 days. Gulp.

The Scale Sucks

172.2 - what the fuck??

AAAARRGH!

I hate my scale.

Jammies

I slept like a rock last night. I was falling asleep on the couch watching TV, so I just called it a night and went to bed at 10:30. I was also a bit cold, so I wore my flannel jammies to bed. When I woke up this morning I was almost disoriented and kind of staggered to the bathroom. The first thing I thought when I got up was, "I can't WAIT to go back to bed this evening."

So, when I got home from work this evening (around 5:15), the first thing I did was put on my jammies before making dinner. Dinner is on the stove right now (brown rice & beans, chicken and veggies) and I'm nice and toasty in my jammies. It doesn't get much better than that!

I had to laugh as I was leaving work today. There is a homeless man who squats on the corner of King & Bay where I work. This is the heart of the financial district with all the major banks' head offices parked on that corner. He usually squats on the corner where the TD bank is (which is where I catch the streetcar to go home). He also has a dog: a beautiful German Sheppard who just sits there with him, sometimes barking at the odd passer-by (although usually egged on by his owner). Anyway, today I was walking to the streetcar stop when I looked over to where the man and his dog normally are. Today, all the man's stuff was there, but the dog was sitting there by itself. What made me laugh out loud, though, was that the dog was sitting there with a sheepskin hat on its head. You know, the kind with the flap in front that flips up and the flaps on the side that flip down to cover your ears. The dog was just sitting there, wearing this hat and I just burst out laughing. It made my day. I wish I had had a camera!

The scale news was not as happy today. I am up a pound from the one I lost earlier in the week. I just don't get it. The only thing I can figure is that nutridiary is overestimating my daily calorie requirements so that I am inadvertently eating too much. I forgot to weigh in on Sunday, so I'm not sure if the one-pound gain was overnight or over two days. Oh, and the first time I got on it showed 171.something, which I REFUSED to accept, so I got back on and it settled into 170.6, which is more like it (although still not a number I want to be seeing).

Grrrr.