Message to GUS

[For the record, GUS stands for Great Universal Spirit, which to this non-religious person is the closest thing to “god” I believe in.]

Dear GUS,

We haven’t spoken officially in a while, meaning that I have not come to you expressing my intentions. I know how much you reward those who do express their intentions in an honest and forthright fashion, so here goes. I also know that you know better than I do in these things, so I have to defer to your judgment and accept that whatever you provide to me is exactly what I need, and at the exact time that I need it.

Intention #1:

I’ve chosen to lead a healthy life. I engage in deliberate exercise and monitor what I eat and drink. My intention is to have a healthy body and a healthy body weight. My goal is to use food as fuel and not as medication to suppress my feelings or deal with stress. I’m asking that you continue to help me achieve my goals in this area.

Intention #2:

I’ve chosen to be independent and self-sufficient. I am financially responsible and live within my means. It wasn’t always this way, but I’ve made great strides in this area over the last few years. I also take pride in the fact that I am resourceful and can fend for myself most of the time. I do struggle with the times when I have to ask for help as I’m not very good at that. It’s difficult for me to show my vulnerability for fear that I will be judged negatively or, worse: be taken advantage of. Because of that, I have closed myself off from people, especially men. I no longer want to live my life in this closed-off manner and I ask that you provide me with the opportunities to practice “letting go” in a safe way so that I can build my confidence and ultimately allow myself to open up. As much as I am happy being self-sufficient, no man is an island and I think I’m ready to start sharing my life with someone now.

Oh, and not like I’m trying to tell you how to do your job or anything, but some results on the scales and a date with a man would be really nice right about now!

Aside: OK, OK, I PROMISE that I will not weigh myself again until after my race next weekend. I did weigh myself this morning (again) and was relieved to see that yesterday's two-pound weight gain was just a fluke (I'm back down to 170.2). But I'll go on a "scale diet" for the next 10 days. Gulp.