Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Back on track... sorta

Well, after yesterday's lack of working out, I certainly made up for it today. It was my running clinic night and I knew that hills were on the menu, but I never really know how far we'll go in total. Tonight, we did five hills but our total mileage was just over 10K because we had a long run to get to/from the hills. I didn't push things too hard because I know that I have another tough workout tomorrow night.

This running on back-to-back nights thing has been a big experiment for me, because I normally don't like to (or rather, my body doesn't like me to). And it's been especially challenging because every second week I have back-to-back hard run nights with hills and/or speed those two days. So far, I've held up OK. After my race at the end of March, I'll go back to running only twice a week and increase my cycling to three times a week.

I'm scheduled to run 20K (12.5 miles) this Sunday, which is the longest distance I've done since my half marathon in November.

My training stats for this month are pretty impressive (well, the running stats are):

Running: 136.1K (84.6 miles)
Cycling: 221K (137 miles) - all of this on my trainer
Swimming: 3,250 meters (pathetic)

I also did some cross training in the form of:

Elliptical: 14.5K (9 miles)
Strength/Pilates: 2 hours, 20 minutes

Today's food was pretty good (I didn't log it, though). I had my normal breakfast, some yogurt for a snack, Lean Cuisine for lunch and some toast with natural peanut butter and some chocolate soy milk for a snack before my run. I had some leftover w/w pasta with pesto sauce after my run. And the last 1/3 of the carton of B&J's so it's now completely gone. Oh, and a glass of wine.

I'm reading this Carmichael book on nutrition for athletes and I may have to start increasing my calories. I haven't finished reading the book, but he seems to be suggesting keeping your intake of calories consistent on a daily basis during the four phases of your training year, regarless of the amount of activity you do each day. I find that a little weird, but I'm willing to give it a try. Right now, I take in the appropriate number of calories on a daily basis, depending on how many calories I expend through BMR and exercise, less 500 calories.

So, if I take the total amount of calories I burn in a week, subtract 3,500 (for a 1-lb weight-loss) and then divide the rest by seven, that should be what I eat daily. And he has a formula for how to calculate those calories based more on how many grams of carb and protein you need based on your body weight. I think I need to finish reading the book before I make any drastic changes to my diet, though.

But he did have two interesting points:

1) When you change your diet drastically, it takes your body a while to adapt to the changes as it isn't getting the food it expects to be getting. He suggests changing just one meal a day (i.e., breakfast) for a week before then changing your lunches for a week, then finally your dinners the following week.

2) Our bodies don't work on a 24-hour clock that re-sets at midnight as far as calorie consumtion and expenditure are concerned, so tracking things on a weekly basis might make more sense than daily. That way you can cut yourself some slack for those days where you go over calories because as long as it all balances out over the week (or, in my case, comes under), then you'll be fine.

Food for thought (sorry, bad pun).

Monday, January 30, 2006

No Workout = No Ice Cream

Argh! I bailed on all my workout options today. Instead of having some B&J I opted for chocolate soy pudding with strawberries marinated in balsamic vinegar. mmmmm.

Now, there is still a remote chance that I might drag my bike out into the middle of the living room, thereby requiring me to actually ride it while watching TV. But I haven't 100% committed to that.

I have two hard workouts coming up tomorrow and Wednesday, so I'm resting up for that. Right... I'm resting up for that.

Actually, my sciatica is acting up today - it has been all weekend - so I'm not particularly motivated to exercise right now. Although it hurts more to sit than to actually ride my bike.

Today was an OK food day, but yesterday was kind of crappy, so I'm still trying to do damage control.

***

There was a bit of a situation happening on my on-line running club discussion board. Someone posted a "date report" (kind of the way people would post a "race report" had they just completed a race) and as these things go, the conversation quickly morphed into something different. I also added fuel to the fire by starting a post asking the other single people what they'd be doing for Valentine's day. Well, that thread also got majorly hijacked and went down a road that I didn't want it to go. Some of the awkwardness was because there are a few people on the board who have recently ended long-term relationships and marriages (involving children), and two of them actually hooked up with each other, which is what actually precipitated the breakups of their marriages. Although it's not entirely public knowledge on the board, there are a few of us who know (and with varying levels of support vs. contempt for the parties involved), whereas the rest are in the dark. I'm sure all will be revealed to everyone else as early as tomorrow, though.

I know that whole paragraph was pretty cryptic and you're probably saying to yourself, "So?" It's just that sometimes it's hard to separate your on-line life and friends from your "real" life and friends. And in the case of this club, I actually do know some of them personally "off-line".

And, I kind of got caught up in the mix as one of the newly-separated guys in the club (whom I've met once in person) started publicly flirting with me. He only just revealed to all of us today that his marriage has just ended, so it was news to all of us.

The trouble with flirting (for me) is that I have a hard time differentiating between flirting with intent and flirting without intent. My normal (fat girl) perception is that guys are never flirting with intent with me. And the times when I think there might actually be intent, I'm often embarassed to find out that there isn't.

All this flirting/inuendo was happening in full view of all the other members of the forum. I played along as best I could, but then I started to get uncomfortable with the responses, especially because it appeared that a few of the members were encouraging us to hook up. And this guy is really nice and sweet, so I wouldn't want to do anything to embarass him (or myself) publicly with anything I might say. I was just trying to keep the mood light and witty, without revealing my actual feelings in a public forum.

And it's not because I don't like him or wouldn't consider him someone I would date, because that's not the case. It's just that he's very newly out of a marriage with two kids and self-admittedly still has some issues to deal with and therefore not in any position to be dating just yet. Assuming that he was even flirting with intent, which I am still not clear on.

Anyway, there's a big group of us getting together on Saturday night, so we'll see where the conversation takes us. It's always a lot easier to get your point across and read people's true intentions in person as opposed to on-line.

The other thing that I'm dealing with is trying to move past an attachment to someone else that isn't very healthy for me at the moment. Well, actually it hasn't been healthy for me for a very long time, I just wasn't ready to let it go. I'm working on it, though. I'm just having a hard time switching off my feelings, but if I can work on switching off my overactive imagination/brain, then that will likely help. But it's a slow process. The "easy" solution would be to just replace my feelings for him with feelings for another, but that doesn't really solve my problem, it simply defers it and, admittedly, will likely compound it. What you resist, persists, right?

Anyway, as a result of an interesting and revealing dream I had on Friday night (Saturday morning, actually), the pieces have finally started to come together, so I'm trying hard to work through that.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Blonde?



So, how do you think I look as a blonde? Ha ha - it's just a wig.

I got together with some friends today to film a video for a friend of ours who is in the hospital. First, we filmed a "sock puppet" play of the day she had a bike accident and slammed into a tree (a stalk of broccoli substituted for the tree). Then, we filmed a scene from an episode of Seinfe1d that she likes (the one with the black and white cookie). To do the scene, we had people off-camera who were reading the lines while the people on-camera were acting it out. We had this black wig for Elaine and we kept switching the person who was playing Elaine (and the wig along with it) in each mini-scene. There were five of us altogether who played the role of Elaine (the same guy played Jerry throughout). It was pretty funny and lots of fun to do.

I made a pretty decent dinner tonight, although it looked like a bomb went off in my tiny kitchen afterwards. I'm not the best at cleaning up after dinner - usually the TV or my computer are calling my name and I neglect to clean up right away. But then I end up with a mound of dishes to do at a later time, which is no fun.

I also remembered that my friends (enemies?) B&J were in the freezer, so I made a bargain with myself: no Ice Cream until I had fully cleaned up the kitchen. I know, I know... food shouldn't be a reward, but I was going to have it anyway, so I had to make a deal with myself to ensure that at least something good came out of it.

In the end, I did all the dishes and portioned out another 1/4 of the carton. The other half-carton is still sitting in the freezer. I will "earn" my next portion by swimming after work tomorrow.

This is a Test… This is Only a Test

Buoyed by my newfound self-confidence and self-control where food is concerned, I decided to test myself on Thursday. I bought a carton of ice cream. Zoiks!

Now, let me just say that ice cream (which, in my mind is personalized to be referred to as “Ice Cream”) is one of my biggest weaknesses. I cannot have it in my apartment as I do not know when to say, “Stop” or, “Enough is enough.” In fact, there probably isn’t such a thing as “enough” where Ice Cream is concerned.

It almost doesn’t even matter what flavour, although I do have my faves, which basically includes anything with chocolate, coffee, caramel, toffee, marshmallow, almonds, pecans or cashews. If someone made an ice cream with ALL of those ingredients, I would be a slave to its goodness.

The urge to buy the Ice Cream – which I had successfully controlled for longer than I can remember – was spurred on by a discussion on my running forum about ice cream. I mentioned that I had not been able to find my fave flavour – B&J’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch – as they ever only had the vanilla variety whenever I went into the store. Also, I’ve been very good about not buying Ice Cream and taking it home, rather indulging in a scoop here and there in a shop or restaurant.

Then, Thursday evening I was in the grocery store and my gaze was drawn to the freezer cabinet where the Ice Cream was. Normally, I spend my time in the Lean Cuisine section of the frozen foods aisle, then fixing my gaze straight ahead without a sideways glance into the frozen treats section. But all that talk of Ice Cream earlier in the day made me look.

And then I saw it: B&J’s Coffee Toffee Crunch! My fave flavour had been RENAMED! But it was still my beloved! I guess the name change is because we don’t have Heath Bar here (the closest thing is called Skor). I was in heaven!

It was $6.49 (CAD$) for the 500mL carton. Without guilt, I picked it out of the freezer and popped it into my cart, right next to my fresh produce.

I never got a chance to have an afternoon snack, so I hadn’t eaten since 1:30PM. I did laundry after work and then grocery shopping, so by the time I got into the car to go home around 7PM I was ravenous. I find I get something akin to “low blood sugar rage”, which is that I start to get very angry and agitated when my blood sugar drops too low.

I managed to get some food into me relatively soon thereafter and then I went in for the kill… B&J’s Coffee Toffee Crunch has 300 calories per 125mL (1/2 cup) serving. That’s ¼ of the container. OK, I can do that. I portioned out what I thought was ½ cup into a little bowl and settled in for some cold, creamy goodness.

It was like heaven. I had missed it so much. I did have one scoop of green tea ice cream over Christmas, but that was no comparison to this. I don’t think I had had “real” ice cream since the summer!

After nearly licking the bowl clean, I hunkered down to watch TV and read some blogs. Just about the time The Office was starting, I could hear these muffled screams coming from the kitchen. I’m not sure if it was Ben or Jerry, but one of them was calling my name. I opened the freezer door and there it was staring at me – mocking me – DARING me! I opened up the lid and peeked inside. Hmm, there’s a little around the edges of that top quarter of the carton that never quite made it into my bowl – better clean that up.

But I’m happy to say that after that half-spoonful of Ice Cream, I put the lid back on, put the carton back in the freezer and closed the door.

And there it's been ever since.


I went out Friday evening and didn’t get home until late, so no temptation there. Saturday, I rode my bike in the morning and then went out for the rest of the day. I went to KH's place for dinner, so no opportunity to indulge as I went to bed as soon as I got home (although I did have cake at her place).

Today, I ran in the morning and then went for brunch at a friend's place. I think I overindulged a bit on all kinds of goodness there, but thankfully there was no ice cream.

So now here I sit on my couch. I KNOW that it's there in my freezer, untouched since Thursday. I think that's some kind of new record! My goal for the next few days: no more than ONE ½ cup serving at a time.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

This N That

So, we had a federal election here yesterday. Predictions came true and we now have a Conservative government, albeit a minority. It’s a small consolation, but at least they won’t be allowed to run amok with their right-wing agenda and will be kept in check. I voted for the incumbent in my riding and she won, so I’m glad about that. I hate voting for losers. Ha ha. The sad thing is, we’re likely to be headed back to the polls within the next 12-18 months as minority governments rarely last that long.

I still have not overcome my pool agoraphobia. Well, that’s what I’m calling it, anyway. Apologies to those of you who do suffer from real agoraphobia. I’m not sure what the word is for “fear of inconveniencing other people and being inconvenienced.” Because whatever it is, that’s what I have.

An extension of that has to do with personal space. I try very hard not to take up more than my fair share of personal space, I don’t like to infringe on other people’s space and I resent it when people infringe on mine (or take up more than their fair share). It could be in the lineup at the coffee shop, on the streetcar or in cars on the road. I just think it’s very inconsiderate, bordering on aggressive. Just give me a reasonable amount of personal space. Please!

Last Friday at the pool, CL and I were commenting to each other about a woman we observed in the shower and change room. Honestly, she was naked (and that’s not the worst part) and felt the need to scrub every single part and orifice of her body! In front of everyone else! I mean, honestly… I don’t appreciate you hoisting your leg up in the air so that you can dig into your crotch with a loofah! Sheesh! Then, while changing (and drying herself with the same diligence with which she had washed) she used two locker spaces, PLUS she hung her wet bathing suit to drip dry on the door of the locker right next to mine – when the TWO she was already using were on the opposite side of the change room! Argh.

Anyway, all of this as my pitiful excuse as to why I didn’t go swimming last night. I just couldn’t bear the whole “production”. While I am swimming, I am very content (although usually bored) while doing my workout. But if anything disrupts my pace/rhythm – watch out! I had packed all my gear yesterday morning. I had a 7AM appointment with the Marquis (my athletic therapist who enjoys inflicting pain on me) and had planned to swim after work. In fact, I even took the time to redesign and print a swim workout before I left the office. Even put it in a plastic sheet holder to protect it from the water! But something happened on my walk towards the pool…

I was debating the logistics of whether to get my car and drive to the pool, or whether to leave it where it was, walk to the pool, pay the extra few dollars to park after 6PM and just leave it there. Well, I wasn’t half way to the car when I just made up my mind that I was going to bail on swimming altogether. My rationalization included the fact that I still had to vote (the polls were open until 9:30PM) and that I could do a bike workout on my trainer instead. The bike trainer won.

So, I got in the car, drove to the polling station, cast my vote (the whole process from the time I parked my car until I was back on the road couldn’t have been more than 90 seconds), drove home (just around the corner), changed into my cycling gear, set up my bike and rode for 40 minutes while I watched Ellen on TV.

I ate some of my leftover pumpkin soup and a tiny little (200-calorie) frozen dinner, then TWO little chocolate soy puddings (103 calories each) and I was STILL almost 500 calories under for the day (that’s 500 more than the 500-calorie deficit I was already working with). I just wasn’t hungry.

Today, I went to the gym at lunch. The Marquis gave me some hamstring-strengthening exercises to do, as well as some stretches for my hip flexors. It seems that the combination of weak hamstrings and tight hip flexors is tipping my pelvis out of alignment, which is putting a strain on the hamstrings. At the gym, I warmed up on the elliptical for 15 minutes then did 30 minutes of core, hamstrings and stretching. I only held the plank for 60 seconds, but I did manage 2x15 girlie pushups.

Tonight, I have my running clinic and I think we’re doing hills again. Probably four hills this time. I don’t have my speed clinic tomorrow night, so I can go hard tonight and then just have an easier (but longer) run tomorrow. Normally, Thursdays are my recovery days, but I’m going out after work on Friday so I won’t get a chance to work out. I think I’ll go to the gym again on Thursday.

Things are quiet at work this week because I met the deadline I had and got the stuff to the printer by noon. I have a few exams and assignments to mark, but I should be done that fairly quickly tomorrow morning. I’m back in the classroom for two more weeks starting next week, then I’ll get a bit of a break again.

Oh, I had another epiphany while in the shower today. I was thinking about how when I move I will likely want to install a new showerhead. I like the hand-held kind with different settings (as opposed to the “rainfall” type that are so popular right now). Just like in that Seinfeld episode, I like a shower with good pressure. The rainfall showerheads don’t have enough pressure to get all the shampoo out of my hair. Anyway, the epiphany was about whether to install it myself or ask someone to come and do it for me. I installed the one I have now, but it does leak because I didn’t have the right tools and I didn’t have enough thread tape. But I know that I CAN install one properly. I was thinking about the perception that we “independent women of the new millennium” give off that we don’t “need” anything (i.e., from men), which is why they are intimidated by us. Well, part of the thing with me is that I don’t want to be a burden or inconvenience on anyone, which is why I just learn to do things myself.

There is this woman I know who is a little socially awkward and nobody really likes her much. It’s kind of sad, really. But in a way, I identify with her. In my mind, I AM her, and I’m worried that people look at me with the same pity and disdain as they look at her. A while back she needed with something in her apartment. When she asked a couple of guys in the group to help her out, nobody wanted to help her and they all made excuses that they were busy or something. My heart sank for her. And, granted, it was a pretty shitty thing of those guys to make excuses just because they didn’t like her (although, she does have a reputation for sucking you into her vortex if you allow her to get too close). So, cut to me: part of me doesn’t want to ask anyone (man or woman) for help because I’m afraid that they will feel the same way about me as they do about her.

I now know this not to be true and that there are a bunch of guys I know (both single and married) who would happily help me out with stuff like that, should I only ask. I still feel weird asking, though.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Why I Hate Swimming

I met CL on Friday after work and we went for a swim. I had planned to do 1,600m and that's what I did. It took me just under 32 minutes, so I maintained a sub-2:00/100m pace, which is exactly where I want to be.

During the swim it came to me: I don't hate swimming - I actually love the feeling of moving though the water; I hate sharing a lane with other swimmers! My aversion to swimming is based in the fact that everyone else gets in my way, and I am also worried that I am getting in other people's way. Swimming is not a social sport like running or cycling, so I don't actually enjoy swimming with others (except to meet up so as to provide motivation to each other).

So, if I were to ever win $1MM, I would rent myself a pool for the days and times I want to swim and keep one lane just to myself. I'd let my friends swim in the other lanes. Generous of me, isn't it! Ha ha.

Seriosuly, I'm going to have to get over this as my training starts to ramp up. Luckily, once the lakes warm up, I won't have that problem.

I barely worked out yesterday. I met H&P for dinner/drinks on Friday night and, although it was not a late night, I slept right through from 11:30PM until 9:30AM Saturday morning! I spent the morning cleaning and re-organizing my boxes so that I don't have to play "moving box obstacle course" in my living room anymore. I met J for coffee in the afternoon and then came home and baked a cake for a party I was going to in the evening. I snuck in a bike ride for 58 minutes while my cake baked.

This morning, I ran 18.5K with my friend BG. The group we started out with took off like a flash and we couldn't keep up. Well, HE could have, but not me. The weather was perfect for running today: sunny, no wind and temps just around the freezing mark. Lovely! Our total time was 2:10, but that included my pee break and all the stoplights along the way, so BG said that our pace was likely about 6:47/km (right where I wanna be).

I'm a little stiff and sore right now, but I have an appointment with my AT tomorrow morning (7AM). I'm also planning to swim after work before I go to vote (don't even get me started on this stupid election). So, busy day all in all tomorrow.

Food-wise, I didn't even log my food yesterday and have no clue how many calories I consumed. I ate hors d'oeuvres at the party as well as a piece of the cake I had made. I earned a few more calories today with that long run, but I'm not really that hungry. I had bacon after my run (!) along with French Toast. Oh, and a pint of beer (it was almost noon). Yeah, not the best choices but I don't think I went over calories. I just finished a bowl of pumpkin soup I made this afternoon. Yummmmm!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Speed, baby!

Just got in from my speed workout. We did 7x300m (or so). The entire loop was a 1K rectangle, so we ran hard on the long sides and recovered on the short sides. The hard intervals took me between 1:32 and 1:35, which is good that I was at least consistent and was able to maintain my pace throughout the workout.

I was also glad that I was not the slowest in the group. I was running with two other women and I managed to stay with them the whole time. I suspect that they were not giving it as much as I was on the hard intervals, though. In any case, there was still one guy who was behind us, so I was not the slowest.

The entire workout took about an hour, including the warm-up run, the drills we did before/after and the cool-down run. I think we ran about 7-8K (probably closer to 7).

I felt really great after the run; must be the endorphins. I then met up with my other running friends at the local pub for some food. When I'm feeling particularly naughty, I indulge in the group portions of wings, nachos and beer. Tonight, I was feeling virtuous, so I opted for a salad with grilled chicken and a ginger ale. Came in under calories today. Woo!

Tomorrow is supposed to be an off day, but I feel like I should ride my bike or something. One long bike ride per week just isn't enough and I don't know how else to fit one in before Satuday. I'm supposed to swim on Friday evening, so that means I won't get an "off" day this week. Swimming is good for active recovery (I won't push my pace), so I think I can manage it.

In the long term, I'm going to have to plan in a bike ride earlier in the week, probably Monday evening after swimming (once I start swimming on Mondays again, that is). Either that, or do a workout in the morning before I go to work. It's just so hard to fit it all in!

Time for bed... want to get back to the sweet dreams of my hot running coach that I had last night... zzzzz

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Rain, rain, go away!

After last week's "heat wave", the weather has gone to pot in the last few days. Saturday and Sunday we were in the deep freeze. Then today, pouring, driving rain, wind and barely-above-zero temps. Grrr.

Tonight was my clinic for the Around the Bay race. It's a small group and I really didn't much want to go for a run in this shite-for-weather, but we were having a nutrition talk, so I went because I wanted to hear what the RD had to say.

The winds had blown down a tree on the main street in my neighbourhood so, couple with the rain/wind, that made for horrid traffic getting to my clinic. When I got there, I found out that the RD had bailed at the last minute, so we were just going to run - no nutrition talk. Grrrr. Oh, and we were doing hills. I hate hills.

Anyway, I sucked it up and ran the hills. It was dreadful outside, but I still managed to squeek out three hill repeats. The entire workout only took 28 minutes, which is about all I wanted to do tonight. I have another tough workout planned for tomorrow (not on purpose, but I have two clinics running concurrently so every second week I have two back-to-back tough runs).

I've been doing pretty well calorie-wise this week, but I've only seen the scale creep up and up every day. I'm sure it's just PMS, but I still hate seeing numbers go UP instead of DOWN. Grrr.

Oh, and I gave Coffee/Pilot Guy the easy let down. You know, he may just be shy, but I don't really go for shy guys. I like confident guys. Guys who have social ease. And that doesn't mean loud and overbearing - quiet and shy are mutually exclusive characteristics. Quiet confidence is a good thing; cocky confidence is not.

Example: a few years ago, I needed a date for a work event I was going to. I asked a friend (who was actually engaged to someone else at the time) to be my escort. Even though he had never met any of those people before, he didn't need me to hold his hand. He jumped right in and held his own in conversations with my boss and our VP. That's the kind of confidence and character I want in a guy. "Shy" just doesn't cut it with me.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

I am Athlete, hear me roar!

Yesterday's workout:

After getting up at 6:20 and driving 70K in a near-blizzard to get to my workout, I did the following:

3-hour indoor bike ride. On one side of me, an Elite-level 20-something cutie named James. He races at the ITU level (i.e, the same guys who go to the Olympics, although he has not yet made the Canadian Olympic Team). On the other side of me, a 60-year-old, 4-time Ironman and his 5-time Ironman age-group winning wife. Although I'll never race at the ITU level, I hope I'm still doing Ironman at 60!

60 minutes of the hardest core workout I have ever attempted. And I say "attempted" because I couldn't do all the reps of the workout as I am just not strong enough yet. I'm only mildly sore today, but I know that by tomorrow I'll be in agony. Don't make me laugh, OK?

60-min swim workout. Since I was so bagged from the other workouts, I kind of sandbagged this one and only swam about 1200m in total. I still managed to stay under/around 1 min/50m, so that's good.

I was so bagged when I got home at 6PM that I just got Swiss Chalet and called it a night.

I didn't log or journal any of my food yesterday, but whatever I ate, I'm sure I more than burned that in exercise.

Today's workout:

16K run. Temp, -12C with wind chill of -20C. Brrr! Considering I ran IN SHORTS on Thursday, it was a bit of a brutal awakening. We ended our run downtown at a coffee shop and then took the streetcar back to the store. Well, in the 2-3 minutes I spent standing in the shelter waiting for the streetcar to come, I completely froze up and my fingers actually turned white! They didn't thaw out until I was in the shower later.

===========

Flo made an interesting comment in her post yesterday. She said, "I am an athlete" and (I'm paraphrasing) that makes her different than all the other weight watchers. No truer words were ever written!


I've known this about myself for a while, but never really knew how to make the distinction. Or even how important it is to make that distinction. My nutritional needs are very different than someone who does 30 minutes of aerobic activity 3-4 days a week. In a normal week, I work out 5-6 days for at least an hour at a time, and much longer than that (2-4hrs) on the weekends. That's why I've always said that I can't "diet" while in heavy training mode. I need all the calories I can get!

My goal is to lose up to 15 more pounds by the end of March, because after that my workout mileage and intensity is going to ramp up significantly and I won't be able to focus on weight loss at that mileage/intensity level.

So, if anyone has any suggestions on how this athlete can lose weight, I'm open to hearing them!

I've also started to make this distinction with respect to dating. I am not "active", nor am I interested in dating someone who is simply "active". I am an athlete. I train. A lot! I'm interested in dating another athlete, not someone who's idea of activity is "rollerblading on the boardwalk". That might sound harsh, but this is a HUGE part of my life, including my social life. Anyone who does not already lead that kind of life (or is actively trying to get into it) is only going to feel left out of mine. I know of two couples (off the top of my head) who broke up after a couple of months because the other person thought their partner spent too much time running/training and socializing with other runners.

That's not to say that I don't also enjoy other things. But someone who would rather sleep late on a Sunday morning, then head over to the Home Despot to look at lawnmowers is not really going to "get" me.

Oh yes, and this very well could all be a huge rationalization/excuse on my part. Sigh.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Endorphins

Now I remember why I love running so much: endorphins!

I had an endorphin-filled run today. We've been blessed with warmer than normal temperatures the last couple of days. It was 8C (about 46F) and sunny here today. I don't know if it was the sun (which we haven't seen much of the last few weeks), the fact that I ran in SHORTS, or the endorphins from the 8.5K run I did this afternoon, but I feel awesome!

I finished up my training course early today (just after noon), so I was home by 2PM, which was great. I threw on my running gear (shorts, l/s shirt, vest and cap) and head out for my planned 8.5K run. The route I took was great because there were long stretches without stoplights (as hitting red lights just interrupts my rhythm).

I'm way under on calories today, so I need to get some in me pretty soon. I didn't have time for a proper lunch, so all I had was a multi-grain bagel with a slice of cheddar. I think I'll put a sweet potato in the oven as that is my current favourite treat. And much better for me than plain old white potatoes.

I'm back in the office tomorrow so I'll try to head to the gym at lunch or right after work. I have a 40th BD party to go to in the evening, but I can't drink up a storm as I have Mega Training Day on Saturday.

MEGA TRAINING DAY! Say that like it's being spoken through an echo machine, just like MONSTER TRUCK JAM! Ha ha.

Full report to follow on Sunday.

On a completely different note...

I was watching TV and the Pussycat Dolls came on singing their latest song. What the heck does, "I'm a stick with you" mean??

Yeah, yeah, I know... it's just the "hip" way of saying "I'm GOING TO stick with you." Sometimes I really hate the way people in popular culture speak, especially in the hip-hop culture. Actually, the thing I hate is that it's become acceptable - cool, actually! - not to enunciate or pronounce things properly. Grrrr.

[La gets off soapbox and ends rant]

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Argh!

OK, I don't want this to turn into La's Internet Dating Blog, but I'm just really frustrated by a recent communication from one of my matches.

It's funny, because most of the other guys I communicated with didn't have much of a personality (or at least not one that came across via e-mail). But then this guy, J, with whom I've been communicating is the exact opposite. Except that he is so cocky and full of himself and totally rubs me the wrong way.

I've been putting off contacting him by phone to set up a date. There's just something... aggressive about him that I find disturbing. I didn't really like the tone of his last e-mail. Plus, he lives about 50km from me, so meeting him would be an effort.

He gave me his phone number some time last week and I haven't bothered calling yet. So today, he sends me another e-mail basically telling me to stop dragging my heels and call him! Here's what he wrote:

Let's be honest. I'm the fun loving, carefree guy your mother warned you about. But don't worry...you probably wouldn't be able to handle me. Hey I thought you actually wanted to meet people, have some fun, laugh a bit. I guess I was wrong. As you can tell, I have a ton of personality and I'm a fun outgoing guy to hang around with. So give me a call. Oh, the part of women wanting to rip off my running tights? It's not true. So you don't have to worry about losing control if we go out on a run.

Sorry, dude, but who the hell are you to assume that I won't "meet people, have some fun and laugh a bit" unless it's with you??!!

I formulated a variety of witty responses, but each one of them sounded defensive. So, I simply replied: I guess we're not on the same page. Good luck in your search.

Argh! Why can't I just get a date in the normal way??

Oh, and Trish - why do you think it's weird that Mr.Coffee and I shook hands?

=========

Ahhhh, I just figured out what it is! You know how everyone says that they're looking for a partner with a "sense of humour", well I've realized that we don't just want that -- we want someone who has a similar sense of humour to our own, someone who gets us and who we get in return.

Although I can appreciate that he was probably just trying to be light and funny in his messages to me, the missing piece for me in his humour is an element of self-deprication, which he clearly does not have. I have no time for people with a cocky sense of humour - because it comes off as arrogance to me. There's something more human and natural and normal about someone who is humourously self-depricating (without being overly critical or depressing).

Although my own sense of humour does lean toward self-deprication, I also have a very sarcastic side to me. I understand that sarcasm doesn't always come across in the printed word, especially via e-mail [hmmm, is it possible that he was trying to convey sarcasm in his message?]. Only the most talented and eloquent writers [of which I am not one] can make it work (and who takes the time to do that in a hastily composed e-mail?).

So, GUS, that's who I want to meet: Someone who is outgoing, positive, athletic (not just "active") and has a self-depricating sense of humour. Someone who smiles with his eyes and has a youthful yet mature approach to life.

==================

To bring things back to the weight-loss/exercise theme, I didn't get a chance to run this evening because I had to go to the visitation for KL's mum. Normally Thursday is my off day, so I'll just switch it up and run tomorrow instead. I ate poorly because there were all these baked goods at the funeral home.

It was also hard to eat well the last couple of days because I am working off site and have to eat from the cafeteria. I'm back in the office on Friday, thankfully.

All that, just when I was down 2 pounds since January 2nd with only 2 more to go until I get back to my lowest weight ever of 166 on December 15.

Tomorrow I'll be good... I promise!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Part Two

OK, so I bit the bullet and finally agreed to meet a guy for coffee whom I'd met on eHarmony.

When he called me Monday to confirm the date, I could tell by the sound of his voice (i.e., the way he spoke) that I probably wasn't going to have a connection with this guy. Now, now, La... don't be so hasty and quick to judge!

Right. OK. Met him for coffee at 5PM. He was already there, which was good because I hate wating for people so score one for him. However, he does lose points for being on the phone when I arrived as well as answering a call while we were talking (more on that later).

He actually looked a lot better in person than I expected him to look based on his photo. That said, he also looked older than I expected. Pet Peeve #1: people who post photos on-line that are five years old or more. He's 47, which kind of freaks me out, to be honest. I mean, even though I'm 42 I feel more like 32 and have a hard time getting my head around dating someone so, um, OLD!

He was painfully shy and it was like pulling teeth trying to get him to engage in conversation. Basically, he just answered all the questions I had for him. He never asked me anything about myself. Pet Peeve #2: Guys who don't take an interest in me and what I'm doing. To me, this is Sign #1 that they "just aren't that into me". But La, maybe he was just shy. Yeah, yeah, but if he had been into me, he would have at least made an effort.

Pet Peeve #3: Wimpy handshakes. Ugh! To me, the quality of the handshake shows confidence and backbone.

After about 25 minutes (and 1/3 of my Venti Passion Tea), I told him I had to go and got ready to go. As we stood on the street corner I said it was nice to meet him and have a safe flight (he was off to NYC on business, which is what the other phonecall was about - he's a pilot), I wasn't even tempted to say, "Let's get together again", or, "I'll call you." What's the point of saying something like that when I know I have no intention of following up.

Oh well, no harm, no foul. However lame, it was one more date than I had last year. He really wasn't my type, we had very little in common, he was much to quiet for my taste and I really wasn't at all interested in getting to know him better.

Then today, I get an e-mail from him:

I enjoyed meeting you. I find you to be a very intelligent person who has a direction in life that I find admirable. I know we are both very busy types but I think this is a good thing and I don't think either of us would have it any other way. I found myself feeling somewhat awkward at first but after meeting you, I felt a lot more comfortable given your honest, straight forward nature. So I am interested in your thoughts and I look forward to hearing from you.

Argh. How to let him down easy...


So, score one for me on the confidence front, but I have to say that it's easy for me to be confident the first couple of meetings. It's after that (when I start to develop feelings) that my confidence goes down the drain.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Resolutions

I've read quite a few people's blogs this week and the common thread (as you'd expect at this time of year) is resolutions. The same threads are showing up on another non-blog running discussion board I belong to.

The thing that struck me about everyone's resolutions was how similar one theme in their resolutions is: Confidence. More specifically, their lack of (and hope to achieve more of).

It's really quite amazing how all these incredible people (women, mostly) are confessing how little self-confidence they have. For each person, it's in a different area of their life. But's it's a common Achilles' heel.

Now, I will go on record saying that I suffer from the same problem. For me, it's a lack of confidence where men are concerned. There are many sources, events and thought processes that contributed to the evolution of this problem. For the most part, they're linked to having been overweight for so long (I'd been told many times growing up, "You'd be very attractive if only you lost 40 pounds").

But the weird thing is, I've recently come to a whole new level of acceptance for my body that really should have moved my confidence-level up a bit (it hasn't). Specifically, there are three things that have contributed the most to it:

1) Publicly disclosing my weight (the actual number), both here in the virtual world as well as in real-life. I've also disclosed my starting weight and how much weight I've lost. This was liberating because I didn't feel like I had to hide from it anymore or be ashamed of it anymore.

2) Realizing that, although I don't have the body of a 22-year-old (nor should I, considering I am, in fact, 42), I still have a better body than I personally had at 22. And it's a pretty kick-ass body in terms of the things I've been able to do with it (e.g., Ironman).

3) Running through downtown in my bathing suit last month. I was surrounded by some pretty hard-bodied men and women, so it was easy to feel inferior on so many different levels. I can honestly say that I really didn't care what I looked like or what anyone else thought I looked like that day. But it wasn't until several days after the event as I started to tell people what I had done that I started to feel the positive effects. I can't even count the number of people (again, mostly women), all of whom have much thinner bodies that I have, who said that they would never be caught dead in public in their bathing suits. The funny thing was, it had nothing to do with the cold; it was simply the embarassment of being seen in a bathing suit.

In hearing some other people talk about how much they hated their bodies (or parts of their bodies), it made me realize how far I had come in terms of my own level of body acceptance.

But all of this seems to be moot, considering I am still no more confident when it comes to men than I was before. Although I might be more attractive today than I was when I was 65 pounds heavier, I'm certainly not any more confident in myself as being attractive to men.

Career: 8/10 confidence level
Family: 10/10
Friends: 9/10
Fitness: 9/10
Men: 4/10

First of all, I don't really trust my judgment in interactions with men. I don't know how to read them. I can't tell if they're interested or not. I can't distinguish between "flirting with intent" and "flirting without intent". Heck, I can hardly ever tell if they're even flirting in the first place! And I don't know how to flirt myself. I don't know how to communicate my feelings towards them in a way that will let them know that I am interested without scaring them off. I fall into the "friends zone" (never to emerge) far too easily and frequently. I scare some men off because I am very independent and have a hard time showing that I might actually need something from someone. I'm never fixed up on dates by well-meaning friends, further solidifying my belief that there must be something fundamentally wrong with me that makes me unsuitable as a date (let alone a girlfriend or a wife).

Basically, I'm no further along than some pimply-faced teenager when it comes to men. Sigh.

At the root of things, I have an innate fear of embarassment and humiliation. This is partly borne of normal teenage events that are no more tragic or humiliating than anything anyone else hasn't experienced. But for some reason those pains are as real to me today as if they happened this morning. If I am rejected for a job, the whole thing just rolls off my back; no harm done. But if (strike that: when!) I am rejected by a man, all I want to do is crawl into a hole and never come out. I am embarassed and humiliated beyond belief. I perceive that the guy (and anyone else who knows of the rejection) looks at me with pity, which is just too much for me to bear. "Poor old La. How could she ever think that someone like I could be interested in someone like her?" It takes me a long time for wounds like that to heal and I'm not much interested in putting myself out there again any time soon.

And since I'm not totally dissatisfied with my single life, why should I even bother putting myself through the potential agony and shame of being rejected? Why not just live my life the way I am and just turn that part of myself off, hoping that my desire and longing for a partner will atrophy? I have a good job, a great family, awesome friends, a full social life, athletic goals/pursuits and a condo on the way. Why not just take what I have and forget about dealing with this pipe dream of also finding love and companionship?

But then again, nobody said that resolutions were supposed to be easy.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Four Days

Oh yes, boys and girls, I made it through the week TOTALLY ON PLAN! OK, so it was only a four-day week, but it's a small victory that I'll take.

I ran 7.5K on Tuesday night, then ran hills on Wednesday. I had planned to only run 3 hills because I was worried that I couldn't do any more than that. But I sucked it up and pulled four out of the bag. And I felt great! Well, as great as one can feel while running up a hill with your heart and lungs about to pop out of your chest...

Thursday was a planned rest day. It's been a long time since I've run on back-to-back days, so I opted to take the day off so as to avoid risking injury.

Today, I wasn't quite able to drag my ass out of bed in time to get to the gym, so I planned to go at lunch instead. I did 25 minutes on the elliptical followed by a core workout. I managed to hold the plank for 70 seconds and then followed that up with two sets of pushups (although the girlie kind). I managed 15 on the first set and only 12 on the second. I also did 2x25 crunches and 2x15 back extensions. That's about all I had time for.

After work, I met CL and KL for a swim. We were just finishing up our drills when the fire alarm went off. Grrrr. We had to get out of the pool and since my rythym was interrupted, I just opted to call it a day since we didn't know how long the alarm would be sounding. After standing around the pool deck for five minutes, I went to the change room. The alarm ended by the time I had gotten dressed. Figures. Anyway, 600 meters is better than zero meters!

Food has also been on plan all week. I've tracked everything in Nutr1diary and only went slightly over calories one day, but came under every other day, so it all worked out. The only violations I've had were two Rice Krispie Squares, which really isn't that much of a violation in the scheme of things, especially considering I stayed within my limits.

Unfortunately, none of this has shown a lick on the scales! I've been hovering around 169 all week. I got up to almost 172 after the holidays, but it took no time at all to get back down under 170. I just wish my good behaviour this week had paid off a little bit more than that!

Plans for the weekend: 90-min bike ride tomorrow and then a 16K run on Sunday. No social engagements, so it will be easy to stay on plan.

Gee, my life is boring. Hmph.

Everybody into the lake!

Here's a shot of everyone heading into the lake on New Year's day.  Brrrr!  I'm the one in the gray top leading the charge (first in, first out).
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

On Plan, Baby!

I know, I know... one day "on plan" does not a comeback make. But I still want to celebrate the fact that I had an OP eating day as well as an OP exercise day, which is somewhat of a miracle, because I don't normally manage both on the same day. I'm also not under any illusions that this isn't anything more than New Year's Enthusiasm. Whatever it is, I'll take it!

I hesitate to utter the words Boot Camp (because that seems so "last year" and I'm a bit over it, frankly), but I have kept to the spirit of my previous Boot Camp rules, which are:

Exercise
No alcohol
No eating after dinner
Journalling all food
Staying within daily calorie allowance
No junk food

I actually came in under calories today, mostly because I burned a ton on my 7.5K run this evening (47 minutes). Nutrid1ary has me set for a daily deficit of 500 calories and I think I had a deficit of 650 today.

I did reasonably well with water - actually, I substituted with peppermint tea as I just don't care for water all that much. I think I drank 2x20oz cups of it today. I'll try for three tomorrow.

I have another tough run workout on tap for tomorrow night (hills), so I'll have to eat well for that tomorrow so that I don't bonk. And I'll have to be disciplined and not eat wings/nachos and drink beer with my friends after my run. I'll have salad with chicken and ginger ale instead.

Since I'm at a complete loss as to what to do on the dating front (or rather, lack thereof), I actually bought the new DrPhi1 book to see if he has any tips I haven't already thought of. The thing is, my overwhelming feeling right now isn't loneliness; it's fear. And I suspect I'm going to have to work through that before I'll find the relationship I'm looking for.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Here we go...!

Right, so it's the second day of 2006 and there's a whole year ahead in which to achieve my goals.

I really just have one big fitness goal this year and every other goal is simply to enable me to meet the big one: Ironman Canada, Sunday, August 27, 2006, 7AM. That day I will swim 3.8K (2.4 miles), bike 180K (112 miles) and run 42.2K (26.2 miles). When I did Lake Placid in 2003 I finished in 16 hours and 33 minutes (on a horrible windy/rainy day). I'd like to finish IMC in about 15 hours. This year, all roads lead to Penticton, BC!

Even though I got a mini-reality check last week when I stepped on the scales, I weighed myself again this morning so that I would know what my official baseline is for this year: 169.8lbs. That's up about three pounds from the 166.something I posted in mid-December. That's OK. It's still better than where I was this time last year.

Last year, I started at 182 (and that was on my old scale, which I now believe to have been light by 2-3 pounds). I had also joined a new gym and started with a personal trainer. In total, I lost about 15 pounds (give or take). I met all my racing goals last year, setting several personal best times in the process (yea!).

My mini-goals for this year are:

1. Lose another 10-15 pounds between now and the end of March. After that, I'll be in heavy training mode, so I likely won't be able to lose any more weight.

2. Around the Bay, 30K road race at the end of March. I'd like to do it in about 3:10-3:15. The last time I did it in 2004 I finished in 3:17.

3. Ottawa Half Marathon at the end of May. My current PB is 2:09:14 and I don't know if I want to train for a PB at this race as I will likely have to bike 100K or more the day before as part of my IM training. I just love the race because it's such a great time.

4. Peterborough Half Ironman in early July. This race is simply a race I'm doing to acclimatize myself to racing in the heat since Penticton will be very hot in August. It's also a hilly race with little to no shade, so my goal is just to finish this race at close to IM goal pace as possible.

5. K-Town (Kingston) Tri at the beginning of August. Again, no PB planned. I had a huge PB there this past summer, but again, I'll be doing a long bike ride the day before the race. This is just a really great race in a great town and I had to find a way to fit this one into my schedule, even though it's only four weeks before IMC.

To achieve these goals, I've joined two running clinics that start this week (Tuesday and Wednesday). The first one is geared towards the Around the Bay race and the other is a speed training clinic every second week. I may also hire a personal trainer, but the gym is very busy this time of year, so it might not be possible. We'll see.

I also have to figure out what I'm going to do about getting a coach for my IM training. I'm struggling with this because I have a fair amount of experience and can probably do my own training schedule by modifying the one I used last time. But it might be nice to have a professional do it for me (except for the expense).

On the personal side, I would like to actually have a DATE this year (OK, more than one). It's funny, because where athletic goals are concerned I know exactly what to do to achieve them, but I have NO CLUE what to do on the dating front. I'm on e-Harmony, but I haven't found it to be all that great. There's one guy I've been communicating with, but he really doesn't turn my crank and I'm not particularly motivated to meet him.

And I'll be moving into my new condo in the next couple of months, so I'm excited about that. I think my goal for that is just not to lose my cool, and not to rack up a lot of debt/expense in the process.

That's quite a bit for this year. Let the fun begin!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Personal Best

Happy New Year!

And what a great way to start the new year than with a new Personal Best! First, let me say that I consumed WAY too much wine last night and got home WAY too late, considering I had a race to run today. But New Year's Eve only comes around once a year, so I dealt with it.

[Last night's parties were great. I had dinner with my friends at NW's place and then we all walked over to another friend's new house for a party. The place was PACKED and I met all kinds of new people, which was cool.]

Right - back to the personal best: So, I dragged my ass (and throbbing head) out of bed at 9AM. I ate some cereal and then crashed on the couch for 90 more minutes until I had to leave for the race. I took some ibuprophen before I left and also had some coffee before the race, which helped.

We got a bit of snow yesterday, so the route we were running was snow-covered, which meant that the footing wasn't going to be great. I got behind my running group right off the start as I had to stop and re-tie my shoe (grrr). I played the rest of the time playing catch up (and never did).

Someone took a slight detour on the route and everyone else followed like lemmings, so it added about 100m onto the 9K route. On the way back, we took the regular route. I ran on my own the whole way and on the way back this woman was pacing off me, which I don't really like. With about 2K to go, she passed me and I paced off her the rest of the way. I picked up the pace and passed her again with about 100m to go. I thought I had her beat until about 20m from the finish when she passed me and crossed the finish line ahead of me. Grrr. I'm not a competitive person by nature, but I got really pissed when she passed me at the finish.

I stopped my watch at 52:12, which was a new PB for me for that race. I was especially happy about my time considering the poor footing and the fact that we ran an extra 100m because of the detour on the way out.

After the run, a bunch of us dove into Lake Ontario for our traditional New Year's Day Polar Bear Dip. OK, it was only the second annual Dip for me, but it's a new tradition my friend KH started a few years ago. Yes, it WAS as cold as you'd expect it to be. The air temperature was at the freezing mark and I have no clue how cold the water was. The sand on the beach was frozen, so that was probably the most uncomfortable part - after the dip, standing there in wet socks on frozen sand. I had a nice big towel waiting for me and then headed inside to get dry and warm.

The post-run meal was chili, salad, buns, sweets and Guinness!

When I got home I looked up my times from previous years to confirm that today's time was indeed a personal best. Here are my previous times:

2003: 54:00
2004: 52:28
2005: 55:37 (fell 5 minutes into the race and nursed a sore knee the rest of the way)
2006: 52:12 (including a 100m extension to the route)

What a great way to start off the year!