No Workout = No Ice Cream

Argh! I bailed on all my workout options today. Instead of having some B&J I opted for chocolate soy pudding with strawberries marinated in balsamic vinegar. mmmmm.

Now, there is still a remote chance that I might drag my bike out into the middle of the living room, thereby requiring me to actually ride it while watching TV. But I haven't 100% committed to that.

I have two hard workouts coming up tomorrow and Wednesday, so I'm resting up for that. Right... I'm resting up for that.

Actually, my sciatica is acting up today - it has been all weekend - so I'm not particularly motivated to exercise right now. Although it hurts more to sit than to actually ride my bike.

Today was an OK food day, but yesterday was kind of crappy, so I'm still trying to do damage control.

***

There was a bit of a situation happening on my on-line running club discussion board. Someone posted a "date report" (kind of the way people would post a "race report" had they just completed a race) and as these things go, the conversation quickly morphed into something different. I also added fuel to the fire by starting a post asking the other single people what they'd be doing for Valentine's day. Well, that thread also got majorly hijacked and went down a road that I didn't want it to go. Some of the awkwardness was because there are a few people on the board who have recently ended long-term relationships and marriages (involving children), and two of them actually hooked up with each other, which is what actually precipitated the breakups of their marriages. Although it's not entirely public knowledge on the board, there are a few of us who know (and with varying levels of support vs. contempt for the parties involved), whereas the rest are in the dark. I'm sure all will be revealed to everyone else as early as tomorrow, though.

I know that whole paragraph was pretty cryptic and you're probably saying to yourself, "So?" It's just that sometimes it's hard to separate your on-line life and friends from your "real" life and friends. And in the case of this club, I actually do know some of them personally "off-line".

And, I kind of got caught up in the mix as one of the newly-separated guys in the club (whom I've met once in person) started publicly flirting with me. He only just revealed to all of us today that his marriage has just ended, so it was news to all of us.

The trouble with flirting (for me) is that I have a hard time differentiating between flirting with intent and flirting without intent. My normal (fat girl) perception is that guys are never flirting with intent with me. And the times when I think there might actually be intent, I'm often embarassed to find out that there isn't.

All this flirting/inuendo was happening in full view of all the other members of the forum. I played along as best I could, but then I started to get uncomfortable with the responses, especially because it appeared that a few of the members were encouraging us to hook up. And this guy is really nice and sweet, so I wouldn't want to do anything to embarass him (or myself) publicly with anything I might say. I was just trying to keep the mood light and witty, without revealing my actual feelings in a public forum.

And it's not because I don't like him or wouldn't consider him someone I would date, because that's not the case. It's just that he's very newly out of a marriage with two kids and self-admittedly still has some issues to deal with and therefore not in any position to be dating just yet. Assuming that he was even flirting with intent, which I am still not clear on.

Anyway, there's a big group of us getting together on Saturday night, so we'll see where the conversation takes us. It's always a lot easier to get your point across and read people's true intentions in person as opposed to on-line.

The other thing that I'm dealing with is trying to move past an attachment to someone else that isn't very healthy for me at the moment. Well, actually it hasn't been healthy for me for a very long time, I just wasn't ready to let it go. I'm working on it, though. I'm just having a hard time switching off my feelings, but if I can work on switching off my overactive imagination/brain, then that will likely help. But it's a slow process. The "easy" solution would be to just replace my feelings for him with feelings for another, but that doesn't really solve my problem, it simply defers it and, admittedly, will likely compound it. What you resist, persists, right?

Anyway, as a result of an interesting and revealing dream I had on Friday night (Saturday morning, actually), the pieces have finally started to come together, so I'm trying hard to work through that.