Flashback...

I'm giving myself a good chuckle reading some of my old journal entries. This is from WAY BEFORE I started on-line journalling.

Here's an exerpt from November 22, 1996:

I don't know how many days it's been since I started, but it's been a little over a month. So far, I feel great. I've fallen off the wagon a bit with the food and water parts. It's hard to fit everything into a day. The best part is that working out in the morning gets me started on the right foot. [...] I made the Great Attenders board at the fitness centre. I worked out 11 days in October. I think that's pretty good since I only started part way through the month.

December 9, 1996:

I went for a jog/walk yesterday. I tried to set short running goals for myself and it wasn't too bad. An article I read in Cosmo said that the first 5-10 minutes of running is harder than the second. What a joke - I couldn't run for 5 minutes straight if my life depended on it! That's a bad analogy, but you get the picture. My legs are really sore today, too.

January 13, 1997:

Had a good workout this morning. I ran for 7 minutes and I actually felt like I broke through the pain after 5 minutes. I'm going to try for 8 minutes tomorrow morning.

January 14, 1997:

I did it!! I was #1 on the Great Attenders Board for December! I won with 20 workouts in December. There were four people who went 19 times. Coming in those Saturdays really paid off. I ran for 8 minutes today - the longest ever! It really does wipe me out, though.

Oh, how far I've come since then... It encourages me during times now when I don't think I'll ever reach my goals.

The other thing that really struck me about my entries is how my behaviour towards men hasn't changed one single bit since then. I am still just as obsessed about guys who have no interest in me. I still read into things they say and do and think that there's "meaning" in them. I and still lack any kind of confidence in myself where my interactions with men are concerned. Have I learned nothing in the last 9 years?? Clearly not. [sigh] I was totally hung up on a guy back then who had no interest in me beyond friendship, yet for some reason I could not see that, despite all the evidence. And the same thing is true today, except that it's a different guy. Let him go, La. Let him go.