The Non-Date No-Go

I think I've mentioned S, the guy I reconnected with on FS a few weeks ago - the one whose e-mail made me re-sign just so I could read it.

Anyway, he lives in London but will be in Mississauga on business this week. He suggested we get together for dinner one night. I suggested Tuesday (today), he said that was good and asked me to suggest a place/time, which I did. This was last Thursday.

All along I have been considering this a "non-date" and I believe that he is, too. I don't think either one of us wants to be involved in a long-distance relationship.

I haven't heard from him since then. I went on FS to see if he had at least read the message - if he had, I would likely still go to the meeting spot I suggested. But as of this morning, he still hasn't read the message! Weird.

So, it looks like my Non-Date is going to be a No-Go this evening.

Going back to what my sister and I talked about last month, unless he has a really good reason for not confirming with me until today, I am going to bail on my date with him tonight. It goes back to the whole thing about being too accommodating and letting the other person drive the relationship too often.

And now that I think about it, he sort of did this to me last time we communicated: at the time I was also starting to see R, so it wasn't a big deal, but S had said something about being in town and getting together while he was here, but then he just dropped off and I never heard from him again until a year later.

That's it. Decision made: I will not be meeting him for dinner this evening.

Shallow?

Is it shallow of me to dismiss/reject someone because of their age? There's this man on FS who has contacted me several times. The first time, I wasnt't a paying member so I couldn't reply (not that I wanted to). The second time, there wasn't really anything in his message worth replying to. So today, he e-mails me AGAIN with this big long explanation (which I didn't even read in its entirety) detailing how we are so alike in so many ways, blah-blah-blah.

He's 66. My mother is 70. I am NOT dating a guy who is 24 years older than I am and only four years younger than my mother! Period! End of discussion.

Ugh. Dating sucks.

I have two aquaintances - R&J - who are a couple with a 20-year age difference between them: she is mid-40s, he is mid-60s. I don't know how long they have been a couple. It works for them.

I just can't see it working for me.

Yeah, pretty much a waste of money

On dating:

Yup, the $30 I paid to re-join FS is likely money down the drain. There isn't anyone remotely interesting on the site, and the two guys I have e-mailed have not responded (one has read the message and viewed my profile, the other hasn't). Oh well.

I did get a reply from S to my e-mail to him. He said he'd also been off the site for a year, having met and dated someone during that time. They are no longer together. But he did say something that concerned me, which is that he had just gone through another round of cancer treatment. I knew that he had cancer (from our previous e-mail converstations) but didn't know that he was still dealing with it. I don't know that I'd have it in me to date someone knowing that they have cancer. Hmm.

On weight:

Ugh. My pants feel tight. As much as I feel mentally better for taking some time off from diet and exercise, I feel like I've set myself back three years (weight and fitness-wise) in just two weeks! I haven't weighed myself, so I don't know how much damage I've done, but I don't like the way I look or feel right now.

Time to re-think my strategy on both fronts.

I paid $30 for this??

C is a bad influence on me. "Enabler" is what she called it. Ha!

Well, I re-signed at FS. My curiosity got the best of me and I just had to know what S had written to me. Not only can you not read e-mail that someone sends you unless you are a paid member, but you can't even see the title of the message!

Here it is, for what it's worth (surely not $30!):

From: LifeWriter
Date: Mar 7, 2010 9:48PM EST
Subject: I cant believe you are still on here

Googles;

What is the deal. I come on here to see if anythig has changed and here you are....I propose a freedom 50 deal; if we are both unattached when we are 50 we get married.

Cheers and good luck!
S

I replied to his message, and also sent a message off to the other guy who looked interesting. Neither of them has read the message yet.

In doing a quick search of the site (sometimes I'm picky with my search criteria*, sometimes not), I didn't really see anyone else of interest. I've set a reminder for myself to cancel my membership before it auto-renews in a month from now. My optimistic side says, "Maybe the guy you are meant to meet isn't on the site yet and will sign up in the next few weeks!" Right. I'm trying to continue to believe that.

And I also got another message from the 66-year-old guy who'd messaged me back in February. I just deleted that one.

*On the topic of search criteria (which isn't as important on FS as it is on PoF because there are far fewer people on FS to sort through), it's interesting to see what guys put on their preferences. The vast majority of guys who are within my searched age range (43-49) are all looking for women who are no older than 45 - which means I wouldn't show up on their searches. And some of them are looking for women who are no older than five years younger than they are (e.g., 45 year-old guy who is looking for a woman between 30-40). What's up with that???

Anyyyyyyway... I'll give it one more try for the next month. I'm also looking for other opportunities to get out into social situations, but not much has come up yet.

Two-day Rule

My sister and I had an interesting discussion last night. Something I've come to realize is that in an attempt to be less rigid, more spontaneous, and generally agreeable, I have also become overly-accommodating. This is a problem because it means that I am TOO easy-going, and don't put my foot down when something is important to me. Instead, I pretend like it isn't a big deal, and just stew about it internally.

This applies especially in my dating life. You all remember J, the one I was supposed to go running with on Monday and who TEXTED me late Sunday night to cancel? Well, I was VERY accommodating with him, telling him that it was no problem that he cancelled (BY TEXT!!) and that I was free next/this weekend. So, I hadn't actually heard from J all week and had pretty much written him off. My friend L suggested that perhaps he saw me as too available, thereby making me less marketable. He claims that guys like the hunt; they like the challenge of someone who is just a little bit out of their reach.

Back to the conversation with my sister... she asked me what I thought would be a reasonable lead time to expect from someone asking me out on a date. I said that two days would likely be reasonable (I know The Rules say not to accept a weekend date that is made after Wednesday, the theory being that it just means the guy has exhausted all his other potential dates and he's just getting around to you). But I hate The Rules, prefering to make my own rules. She suggested that I do just that - make my own rules - and then be diligent in applying them for the next six months to see what happens. I agreed to do that.

This morning, I was thinking about my new two-day rule - keeping J in mind, and wondering how I would handle it if he contacted me at the last minute to ask me out. Well, I got back from a meeting around 10:30 and lo and behold I had a text from him asking me if I'd like to get together for coffee on Sunday! Today is Friday... Saturday... Sunday... that's exactly TWO DAYS! Yay, I can accept the date! :)

So, I'm not sure what time or where we're meeting. His last text to me was at 11AM ["I'm free all day... I can come to you if you like. :)], which I replied to at 12:30. Still no reply. Hmpf.

Is Text the new "Post-it"?

Remember that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie's boyfriend breaks up with her via Post-it note? I wonder if text messaging is the new Post-it?

As you know, I was supposed to get together with J on Monday to go for a run. We hadn't spoken or e-mailed since our two-hour phone conversation on Wednesday, even though he said he'd call me over the weekend to confirm. By 10PM Sunday night I still hadn't heard from him and was beginning to wonder if I would. I mean, I've had guys say they were going to call who never did, but I didn't really expect that J would be "that guy." Then again, I did have a great conversation with a guy named M last year who then never called again, so who knows.

OK, so it's 10PM Sunday night and I get a vibe-vibe-beep on my Blackberry that a text has come through. Two of them, in fact. I've since deleted them, so I can't remember the exact wording, but basically he said that his day on Monday wasn't going to work out the way he thought (had to work later than anticipated) so could we put our run off until the following weekend. He also admitted in his text that a) it was late notice, and b) that it was coming by text, so he knew he was being lame.

I replied that it was fine with me, but that we could meet for a coffee instead of a run if that suited him better. The reason I proposed that was because I had sensed that maybe he wasn't so excited about running with me (insecure, is the feeling I got from him). He replied that either was fine. I said that my schedule for the week was pretty flexible, so to let me know when he wanted to reschedule. He replied, "That's awesome, thanks." My (final) reply to that (not that I was trying to have the last word), "Looking forward to finally meeting you in person. Have a good night." His reply: "You too..."

I know that I don't want to get into a situation where I have to "convince" someone that he wants to (or should want to) go out with me. I'm not going to play that game anymore - mostly for my own peace of mind than anything else. I just don't think it's good for me to go down the road of pining over someone who is not into me. If a guy wants to be with me then he's going to have to make an effort. I can be flexible. I can be understanding. And I am also extremely forgiving. But I also have limits.

So, as I said to a few of you via e-mail, I'm not holding my breath that I will hear from him. I am not saying that to be negative, but I just don't want to get my hopes up. I don't know what's going on in his head and in his life, so I have no clue if he's "just not that into me," if he's got something else going on with someone else, or if he just has other things going on in his life at the moment. And I really don't care!

All I know is that we had a date and he cancelled it. Via text.

To be the kind of person who...

Recently I read a quote that stuck with me. It was unrelated to dating, but I could see how it might apply, given some tweaking: “Be the kind of person who takes supplements, but don’t.” For the record, that comes from Michael Pollan’s new book, Food Rules. His theory is that people who take supplements generally take better care of their health, are more mindful of the quality of what they eat, and are therefore healthier. They don’t “have” to take supplements (because they get all the nutrition they need from the variety of food they eat), but they are the type of person who would.

This linking of the original quote to its application in the dating world came about through a discussion with my cousin, J, who is artistic in nature, loves film, video, music, fashion, etc. But she says that dating people in those areas is really frustrating because jobs in those industries are so unpredictable and have brutal schedules. She once tried dating a chef she met on a catering job, but it didn’t work out because he was always working when she wasn’t. What I said to her was, “So, you want to date someone who would work in film, but doesn’t.”

Her reply: “That’s it, exactly!”

So, in the age-old question posed to me regarding what kind of guy I’m interested in, I’d have to say that he fits the following:

He’s the kind of person who could build a house, but doesn’t. He’s the kind of person who could be a Sommelier, Chef or Art Dealer, but isn’t. He could ride his bike across the country, but won’t. He could be a CEO, but isn't.

What those things have in common is that they describe some qualities I am looking for (handy around the house, appreciates food/wine/art, is physically active, smart, career-oriented), but who is just a regular guy who has a wide variety of interests, but is not consumed by the lifestyle that often accompanies those interests (especially if it’s his profession).

In a way, someone like me! Except for the house-building part. I wouldn’t want to be a chef or own a restaurant because it would take over my life, leaving little room for anything (or anyone) else. I also choose to have a career that allows me to have the work/life balance I want.

On a break

Update on R: We're done, before it even got going. After a frustrating weekend where we never seemed to be able to connect, we finally met for a late dinner on Sunday. I just didn't have it in me to go there again. I hated the way I'd been feeling the last couple of days, and I didn't see how things were ever going to change. Part of that was due to his own unwillingness to change or to see things from my POV. The thing that really bugged me, though, is that he's making this out to be MY failing. What is it about men who are unwilling to accept responsibility for the part they play in the failure of the relationship?

Update on dating in general: I've taken my profile down. I have four messages from guys in whom I have no interest sitting in my mailbox and I'm not going to reply to any of them. I'm not going to accept M's friend request on FB and if he calls/e-mails me again, I am not going to respond. There is also J, a guy I've e-mailed off the site that I haven't heard back from yet (he's a slow responder at the best of times). If I hear from him, I'll see where that goes, but after that I'm done.

I just can't do this anymore.

Something old, something new

I got an e-mail from M (the guy I had the friends talk with) asking if I had time to get together to talk about triathlon. Hmmmm, OK. I said I was busy every night, but free during the day over the weekend, so we are meeting on Sunday afternoon. In my mind, he’s beating a dead horse. There is NOTHING he can do to change my mind and make me interested in dating him. I’ve told him that I’m not interested in him as anything more than a friend (and even that was a stretch – I really don’t see us ever “hanging out” on a regular basis). But I will still go and meet him for coffee.

I’ve also been communicating with J. We’ve exchanged a few e-mails (off the dating site) and I suggested we get together for a run. I haven't heard back yet. He lives in Mississauga (oy!) and is a runner, training for the half in May. He’s cute (from his photo), tall (6’2”) and looks to be pretty solidly built – definitely my type.

My other update (some, but not all of you know this) is that my ex, R, and I have been communicating again. It started last Friday when I sent him an e-mail with a link to a house listing. He called me that night and we talked for over an hour. It was good. Then on Monday I saw that he'd replied to my Friday e-mail (after I'd left for the day), so I did reply to that. There were some very racy e-mails exchanged, and then he called me again on Monday night and had another good long talk. We planned to get together on Thursday (last night). Well, an issue came up with his daughter and he had to spend the evening with her, so our plans were foiled. The last I heard from him last night was that we'd try to get together for lunch today.

I haven’t heard from him yet, so I have my running gear with me to head to the gym at lunch in case those plans fall through.

I think I'm going into this with a level head, not forgetting all the problems we had, but looking at it from the perspective of seeing if we have any common ground to move forward. I don't want to go back to what we had. I'm clear on what I need, and what I'm willing to give. If we can figure out a way that we can both get what we need, then great. If not, them I'm fine knowing that I did all I could to see if it could work.

The Talk

Well, it took me almost an hour of chit-chat with him on the phone before I got the courage up to give him the "just friends" talk, but I did it. It went fine.

My objective going in was to simply tell him how I was feeling, without projecting anything on him, and also allowing him to save face if he is in fact interested in more that just a friendship with me.

I started off by saying that I was very touched by the message he sent me the other night saying that he thought I was a truly amazing woman. I told him that I thought he was pretty amazing himself, stepping up and taking on his kids full time when their mother left. I wanted him to know that I respected him for that. He really is a quality guy.

Then I told him that I had learned a lot from my last relationship, one thing being that it's always best to put your cards on the table with the other person as early as possible so that neither one is wondering how the other one is feeling. So I said that what I was feeling right now was more of a friendship than anything else. I said that I didn't see it developing into anything more at this point and that I wanted him to know that so that he could decide how he wanted to proceed.

Actually, I think I might have said, "Maybe I will, maybe I won't" which in retrospect I wish I hadn't said because that might give him a little glimmer of hope that if he's persistent that he can win me over. That's the only thing I regret about the conversation.

He said he was fine with that, that he's always looking to make more friends and broaden his social circle, so I think he got it.

Oh, he also told me that he Googled me and found the article that was written about me a few years ago about my weight-loss journey. That bugged me just a little bit, but I know that we're in the information age, so it's to be expected. I could never Google him because he has a very common name (his last name being probably the MOST common Chinese name) and shares it with a provincial MPP and cabinet minister.

Well, that's it for now. I was excited to see that I got a message from J, another guy I'd been communicating with. It was a bit of a let-down because it was just a one-line reply to a question I asked him, nothing more. I also got a message from a guy named D, but he has a few strikes against him: 49, 5'7" and lives in Newmarket.

Good, but...

OK, I know I owe you all a date report from Saturday. Here it is:

M picked me up at 6PM. He called me at 6PM sharp to say he was downstairs. I went down, gave him a hug, he took my skates and I got into the car (he closed the door for me).

As we were driving, he said, “I checked the web site for skating and there is a DJ playing after 8PM so I thought we’d go to dinner first, then skating.” Oh, OK. I thought we’d do it the other way around, but no big deal. The drive down was fine, we had to wait about half an hour for a table, but we just sat and talked. He told me about how his kids never see their mum as she moved out west and has little contact with them.

Dinner was good. Conversation was good. After dinner, we got our skates from the car and walked down to the skating rink. It was PACKED with people. It was tough to really skate because it was so crowded. But we managed OK. I don’t know how long we skated in total. We took one break because my back was sore. Then I said that I was pretty much done (I’m sore in about a million places from all the workouts I’ve done in the last week). We put on our boots and then walked back to the car. We had a nice chat and he told me more about how his wife left (2 years ago) and how he lost his house as a result. He didn’t sound bitter (actually, now that I think about it, he didn’t really show any emotion at all).

The drive home was fine. He asked me questions about my life and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. As we got close to my place, he asked if I wanted to go for coffee. I said that I was starting to fade and that I’d prefer to just go home. When he dropped me off, I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

Yesterday, I sent him a text to say thank you. I got THREE text messages in reply, one of which said, “Next time how about making dinner?” He seems so intent on getting together to make dinner (I’m guessing at my place, since he and his kids live with his mum). I didn’t reply to that message. Then, later that night I get the following text:

“Before I head to bed. Gotta be up with the birds tomorrow morning.
Just wanted to say "you are truely an amazing woman. "

Oy.

This morning, I replied “Thanks. That’s very nice of you to say. TTYL.”

So, I am definitely NOT feeling the same way he seems to be feeling. I knew last night that I didn't feel anything for him because all I kept thinking as we were skating was, "I hope he doesn't try to hold my hand." That's not a good sign.

I don’t want to over-analyze things, and all I can do is be true to how I am feeling – about him, about myself, about how I want to feel – and right now I am not feeling it with him. He’s nice. There’s nothing “wrong” with him. I’m just not attracted to him.

My conundrum is how to tell him that. I can’t do that via e-mail or text – that’s just rude. Perhaps we could talk on the phone. My hesitation in telling him in person is the fact that he wants to get together to cook at my place, and I’d rather just meet for coffee and tell him in some neutral place. I’ve had this conversation before (with A several months ago), though that one was a bit different because I positioned it as not being ready to move forward after my last relationship. This time, it’s not about the fact that I’m not ready to move forward; he’s just not the guy I want to move forward with! And I can pretty much be sure that spending more time with him isn’t going to change that. I don’t want to string him along or get his hopes up. Or get tied up in a way that would prevent either of us from meeting the person we are meant to be with.

Sigh. I think a phone call is in order.

Teaser

Just a quick post to mention that I am going on a date with M tonight. He asked me to go to the hockey game. I am not optimistic about this one turning into anything romantic. I have a feeling that we'll have a pretty good "friend vibe" but that's about it.

Details to follow tomorrow...

What will the New Year bring?

I've been communicating with a few guys on-line. None of them really excite me all that much, and I'm not really that motivated to meet any of them in person. Here's a summary:

J: lives in Peterborough (strike #1). We've had some good e-mail banter, but haven't spoken live yet. Actually, I haven't heard from him since New Year's eve.

M: lives in Mississauga (strike #1) and has full custody of his two kids (strike #2 - only because of where he lives, not the kids themselves). He's also of a different ethnicity than mine, which (I have to be honest) is a concern (not a strike). He seems really interested in me, but I'm not so interested in him.

R2: lives in TO, has grown-up kids (not sure if that's a plus or a minus). His profile sounds great, but I am not attracted to his photos. He seems to say all the right things in his e-mail, but I just don't know.

I'm kind of down on the internet dating thing right now. I'm not thrilled by the idea of investing a lot of time communicating with guys on-line, only to find that I don't have any chemistry with them in person. And I'm not highly motivated to meet any of these guys in person any time soon, so I'm in a bit of a Catch-22 right now.

In a perfect world, I'd be invited to a dinner party and be seated next to a cute, single, interesting guy who was as interested in me as I was in him. I wouldn't have to compete for his attention with anyone else, so we could really get to know each other.

Oh, and he'd look like Bruce Willis or Hugh Dillon. ;)

And... Scene!

I have a few things to report on:

Date with S:
S called me on Sunday to see if I wanted to get together that evening. He suggested a movie. We went to see Pirate Radio. The movie was good, the date fell a bit flat. After an OK first date, I just didn’t feel like we made a connection, or took our conversation to the next level. We parted with a promise to get together again, but I really don’t think that will happen. Next.

Dinner with R:
Yes, my Ex, R. We’d exchanged a few e-mail over the last couple of weeks. I mentioned that I had some DVDs of his to return. He suggested we get together and Thursday was the night that worked best for us. Things were fine, and not at all awkward. I got a little teary at the restaurant when we started to talk about why things hadn’t worked out between us. He mentioned that, in most cases, he’d always re-dated the same women a couple of times – I’m not sure if he mentioned that because he thought that he and I would try to rekindle things, but I came to realize that it’s part of his MO. The other part of that MO is being the Knight in Shining Armour who comes to the rescue of all the women in his life. Honestly, I don’t want (or need) that from him.

We continued talking on the drive home and in the car in front of my place, most of that I spent in tears. But they were not tears of sadness for him specifically. They were more tears of frustration, because having been in a relationship with him, I’m now much more clear on what I’m looking for in a partner and a relationship (some of that I did get from him, but some of it was what was missing in our relationship). I’m also afraid that I’ve now set the bar unrealistically high and that there can’t possibly be anyone out there who will fit that bill. And I’m not even talking about “picky” stuff like looks, height, occupation, income, etc. I’m talking about fundamental character traits, as well as being in synch with respect to what we want out of life and in our relationship. Big stuff.

So, on the one hand I am happy that I know exactly what I want (so that when I find it, I’ll know it’s right); but on the other hand, I fear that it’s not realistically achievable.

Group Date Event #2:
Last night I went on my second (and final) group date. This one was a bit different: three tables of men and women, with the men rotating between tables at the end of each course. That worked well (better than speed dating) because it was long enough to actually have a conversation with someone, but not so long that if you didn’t click with the people at your table, you didn’t have to spend the entire night with them.

I had an interesting conversation with a guy named B. I wasn’t attracted to him, but he was pleasant to talk to. Heck, he even managed to convince me to let him take my resting pulse rate (on my wrist) when talking about the fact that I am a runner. And that was before dinner – when I’d only met him 10 minutes earlier! Anyway, the question he asked me at dinner (based on the fact that I’d told him how I was involved in running and triathlon groups and had a fairly wide social circle from that) was, “So why are you here at this event, then?” Hmmm, that’s a good question! My answer to him was that I was hoping to branch out my social/dating circle since most of the men I knew through running/tri were either attached or just friends. But to be honest, it really made me think about what I thought I was going to get out of an event like this. It became clear that most of the other people at the event didn’t have large social circles. Some of them only go to the dinners so that they can try out new places to eat and meet people since they don’t have much of a social circle of their own. And to be quite frank, some of them (mostly the men) were socially awkward/introverted to the point where they needed the practice in how to interact with people. OK, fine. But I didn’t pay $70 per event to be someone to help someone else come out of their shell! Maybe that’s harsh, but when I’m paying for a service, I kind of expect to get something out of it.

The organizer sent an e-mail this morning asking how the event was and to provide them with my feedback. This is what I wrote:
=====================================================
- Hostesses were good
- Evening/logistics flowed well
- Like that we had assigned seating to ensure alternating men/women at the table
- Location was great, food was great, service was great
- Mix of people was good

Overall, my experience was pleasant, but I doubt that I’ll attend another of your events. Although everyone I met at both events were nice, I found the men (in particular) to be a bit socially awkward/introverted and I found little in common with any of them. For the cost of the two-dinner package I bought, I didn’t see any real value as it appeared to just be a group of people thrown together, with the only commonality being in the same age range. I’ve honestly had much better connections with people I’ve met through on-line dating sites, at a considerably lower cost.
========================================================

So, that’s it for now! I have no other prospects or social events on the horizon. My trip to Vegas is in a little over a week, but that’s with a group of friends (two couples and two other guys, both of whom are married).

"S" Date Report

I met S on Friday night at a local pub. I got there first, he arrived about five minutes later. He looked pretty much like his on-line photo (cute and bald). He was pretty short (but not "deal-breaker" short) - the same height as I am.

He was nice, personable, though a little reserved. Conversation was fine, though it didn't flow effortlessly.

The date lasted two hours (and 1.5 pints of Kilkenny for me) and then we parted ways. He asked if I'd like to get together again and I said yes. Honestly, if I never hear from him again I won't be disappointed. I agreed to go out a second time because I like to give people a second chance since first meetings can be awkward, but I didn't really feel an instant connection/attraction to him.

Next up: Group Date #2 on November 25. This one is a "rotational" dinner, so the men change tables every course. That way I'll meet twelve men in total - not quite as bad as speed dating.

Date Night

Alright, back on the dating horse again. This one's name is S. He's 43. He does web design for a large newspaper. He lives close by, though not in my exact neighbourhood. From his profile, he looks cute (and bald!). He's a bit on the short side (5'8") but that's not a deal breaker for me.

We're meeting for a drink at a local pub this evening (key people know where we're meeting, so all is safe).

Stay tuned for details...

Group Dating

You know how on The Bachelor/Bachelorette they go on these "group dates"? Well, I always thought that was a little weird; I mean, five girls/guys all vying for the attention of one guy/girl... seems odd, creepy, frustrating, and contrived to me.

Well, that's a bit how last night's dinner felt: weird.

My understanding of how the evening would go would be that we'd meet in the bar of the restaurant, have a drink, then be seated at our table when everyone had arrived. I was late getting there (traffic coming from downtown). I hate being late. I don't like other people who are late and I am rarely late myself. I get stressed when I am late. So, I guess it's my own darned fault then that everyone was already seated at the table when I arrived.

At first it looked like the table was full and that there wasn't even a seat for me (my stomach sank just a bit there), but then the "hostess" got up and gave me her seat (she leaves when dinner starts). I'd also been told that this would be a dinner for eight (four men, four women). Well, there were actually 10 people at dinner (including me), five men/women, but we were seated at a table that would have even been a stretch for eight, let alone 10. I was seated at the end of the table (way to stand out in the crowd - being late and being seated at the head of the table) as there were four people on each side and one on each end of the table.

Now, I'm no math whiz, but with an even number of men and women you'd think they'd figure out to arrange the seating as boy/girl around the table. No, there were two cases of men sitting next to men and women sitting next to women. But being that there were 10 people at the table, the conversation sort of developed into five against five, with my "five" consisting of three women and two men. There was no way to have a conversation with anyone at the other end of the table.

Not that I really wanted to. Upon arriving, a quick scan of my dining companions had me realize that there wasn't anyone who even remotely interested me. Conversations were fine, but the woman on the right of me tended to dominate my fivesome (almost "perform" - she was a wannabe actress with a larger-than-her-own-life personality). The guy on my left was pretty quiet, though personable (though he could have at least made a bit more of an effort than wearing jeans and a plaid shirt). There was one other woman and another man within conversational distance from me, and they were both pleasant.

So, would I do it again? Well, I kind of have to since I've paid for one more of these dinners. But I will contact the organizers beforehand to give them my feedback on how last night went to make sure that I get placed in a more suitable group next time.

Took the Plunge!

I signed up for Dinnerworks. Holy carp, it's not cheap! I bought a two-dinner package for $139 (plus GST) and that doesn't include the dinner! I think I get one free drink with that.

Anyway, I think I might be attending my first event next Tuesday the 13th. I just have to hear back from them. There are a fair number of events coming up, so if not this one, then another one. The key for me is the age range - I don't always have a lot in common with people my own age: no kids, more physically active than most, etc.

But, I'm just trying to "do a different thing" in the hopes of achieving a different outcome.

Stay tuned...

Dry Spell

I have to admit that I haven't been actively pursuing the dating thing lately. I did send one message last week to a guy who looked interesting, but he read it and never reponded. Oh well.

I've received a few e-mails lately (2-3), but none of them were from guys who interested me. I got one today and he seemed OK, so I replied. He's a bit young (39), but that's not a deal-breaker. I'm sure you can hear the enthusiasm in my "voice."

Anyway, as much as I am still interested in dating, I'm really not motivated to waste my time going on lots of first dates with guys that I know I'm not really into. I know from past experience that it's all about numbers and the more guys I go out with, the better chance I'll have in meeting someone whom I click with.

I'm just kind of feeling "meh" about the whole thing right now.

Long time no date!

The dating scene has been a bit thin for me lately. I've communicated by e-mail and on the phone with a couple of guys, but not much else than that.

I have not heard from A1 since our dinner last week. I also haven't heard from C, the guy I talked to on the phone last Friday afternoon. I did send him an e-mail today to see how things are.

That said, I do have a date tonight with K. His profile says he's 51 and 5'8". I fully expect him to be 55 and 5'6". LOL. Anyway, I'm going ahead with it and trying to keep an open mind.

I was saying to my friend L that I have a bit of a mental hurdle with 50. My dad died at 51 (and in my mind he will forever be that age), so it's hard for me to consider dating guys who are that age (and older). However, I do have a good friend, D, who just turned 51 and he is active, youthful, and fun - not at all like my dad was at that age.

I was also telling L that I already know I am going to have a hard time turning 50 (not to mention 51). I hated turning 30 (depressed for two years before and three years after). I LOVED turning 40! My 40s have been awesome! I don't really know why I'm dreading 50 so much! Still over four years away, so lots of time to adjust.