Yes, I am having a mid-life crisis.
That's the bad news. The good news is that I'm not having an affair with a 25-year-old or buying a sportscar I can't afford. Instead, I'm taking a trip to Italy with a bunch of strangers. Hmpf.
Seriously, I am having a mid-life crisis of sorts, but at least I'm aware that this is what's happening. And I'm not eating or drinking myself into oblivion. So that's good.
But it still makes for some tough times emotionally. I'm questioning a lot of things about myself and what I want from life. I'm trying really hard to figure out what I want my life to be (actually, this is the easier part). The harder part is figuring out how I'm going to go about achieving it. Sigh.
Oh, well... onward.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Revolutions
I don’t really like making New Year’s Resolutions. It implies that I’m “bad” in some way and need to resolve to be better. I like to set goals for myself and then put a plan in place to achieve them.
That said, there are some things that I would like to be better at doing this year. One of them is being a more frequent blogger. Truth be told, I started my blog so that I would have an outlet to write about my feelings and the things that were going on in my life. But what I’ve found in the last little while is that I have many more outlets for this, including family and friends, so that the blog itself isn’t as necessary for that purpose.
I’m going through a bit of a personal revolution right now. I don’t want to call it a “mid-life crisis” because it’s not as bad as that. Maybe “renaissance” is a better word. Either way, I am definitely at a turning point right now. The good thing is that I am in a much better place than I was when I went through this 8-10 years ago. And, I have the benefit of experience from that time to help me through this.
The other thing I am grateful for is that I know that, however painful it might be at the time, the end result is very much worth it. And I will end up being happier than I ever thought possible.
I’ve also realized how multi-dimensional my life is and how happiness/contentment in one area doesn’t necessarily translate into overall happiness. I guess a little more balance is in order. But what I have to decide is whether I am willing to make sacrifices in one area of my life in order to help improve things in another area.
The other thing about this blog is that it’s kind of evolved over time. I’ve used it as a soapbox, to entertain, to track weight-loss progress, to document training goals and accomplishments, and sometimes just to vent or rant. I guess it will kind of continue in that vein. I’ve decided that I don’t owe anything to anyone in terms of keeping it up to date or writing about what anyone in particular wants to read about. As the saying goes, Dance like nobody is watching (or, in this case, Write like nobody is reading).
So, what is actually going on in my life write now?
Weight: I’m still hovering around 170-172. I’d really like to be 150. My “lowest weight ever” is 164.5. That said, I’m not really locked into a number on the scales so much as I’d like to be a particular size (e.g., a 10). I want to get my waist measurement down below 32 inches. I want to get these rolls of fat off my abdomen and back. If I can do that, I really don’t care about my actual weight. And given the fact that I have a fair amount of muscle mass, I likely will never be 135 pounds.
Training: Notice, I don’t even refer to it as “exercise”. To be frank, I love physical activity. I love being active. I don’t mind going to the gym. I love going for runs and bike rides with my friends. I don’t see it as a chore or a duty in any way. Lack of activity is not my vice; food is. My training goals for this year are:
· 30K race at the end of March – would love to come in between 3:00 and 3:10
· Cycling in Italy (April) – I have to get my butt in gear to be ready for eight days of cycling. [Gulp.]
· Triathlon: I have two goal races that are about the same distance (2K swim, 56K bike, 15K run). My PB at this distance is 4 hours and 24 minutes. In the first race, my goal is just to complete it since it’s a very tough course. In the second race, I’d love to take a few minutes off my swim and bike times.
· Running: I haven’t ruled out the idea of a fall marathon. I always said that I’d never run another marathon (unless it was part of Ironman) as the training is just too much. But I really don’t think that I’ve come anywhere close to my potential at that distance (PB of 4:48). The other option is to try to run a 2-hour half marathon, which is close to seven minutes faster than my current PB. A tall order, to say the least.
Food: Ugh. I have a love-hate relationship with food. I love it – a bit too much. The fact that I even have a “relationship” with food is an indication to me that there is a problem. I’m trying to eat less. I’m trying to eat for fuel and not for emotional reasons. I’m trying not to eat mindlessly. All of this is hard for me.
Work: Kinda sucks right now. Mostly because I’m bored (guess where I’m writing this???). I’ve applied for two jobs internally, but I’m not even really that jazzed about either of them. We’ll see what happens in the next few weeks.
Family: This area is pretty stable and my relationships here are good. Nothing much to report in this area.
Social: My social life is intertwined with my exercise life since the vast majority of my close friends and acquaintances are recreational athletes like I am. I’m very happy with the status of my friendships and they bring a lot to my life. The only thing I wish is that I could maintain closer relationships with old friends who aren’t part of my regular exercise-social group. I guess that’s just something I have to do.
Love Life: Kinds sucks right now, too. I’ve realized recently how much of a void this is in my life. I’ve done a pretty good job of filling the void with other things, but since the short-term relationship I had last spring ended, I’m really feeling it. All the things I’ve used as a substitute in the past (work, exercise, food) just aren’t cutting it anymore. The problem is, I don’t really know what I need to do to make a change in this area. It all seems so random. If you go looking for it and can’t find it, you’re told to just “relax and let it happen.” If you relax and wait for it to come to you, you’re told to “get out there, meet people, join a club doing something you love to meet like-minded people.” So, which is it??
Community: This is an area where I am really lacking. I feel bad about the fact that I do very little in terms of social/community work. I’ve made a commitment to myself that I will do one volunteer activity per month this year. I did one in November (Habitat) and another one in December (Scott Mission), but I have to figure out something to do this month. Ideally, I’d like to do the same thing every month, rather than have to figure out something new on a monthly basis. But I need to find the opportunity that is right for me. To some extent, my position with the Tri club would constitute as a community/volunteer activity, but it just doesn’t seem the same to me.
Education: Hmmm, that one has really been on the back burner for the last few years since I started training for running and triathlon. I guess it all comes down to the issue of balance again. And it’s also related to my job woes, since I don’t really know what I want to “do”, so I don’t know what type of education I should be pursuing.
So, that's where I am right now: in a bit of a holding pattern. Let's hope that 2007 brings me some clarity and peace of mind.
That said, there are some things that I would like to be better at doing this year. One of them is being a more frequent blogger. Truth be told, I started my blog so that I would have an outlet to write about my feelings and the things that were going on in my life. But what I’ve found in the last little while is that I have many more outlets for this, including family and friends, so that the blog itself isn’t as necessary for that purpose.
I’m going through a bit of a personal revolution right now. I don’t want to call it a “mid-life crisis” because it’s not as bad as that. Maybe “renaissance” is a better word. Either way, I am definitely at a turning point right now. The good thing is that I am in a much better place than I was when I went through this 8-10 years ago. And, I have the benefit of experience from that time to help me through this.
The other thing I am grateful for is that I know that, however painful it might be at the time, the end result is very much worth it. And I will end up being happier than I ever thought possible.
I’ve also realized how multi-dimensional my life is and how happiness/contentment in one area doesn’t necessarily translate into overall happiness. I guess a little more balance is in order. But what I have to decide is whether I am willing to make sacrifices in one area of my life in order to help improve things in another area.
The other thing about this blog is that it’s kind of evolved over time. I’ve used it as a soapbox, to entertain, to track weight-loss progress, to document training goals and accomplishments, and sometimes just to vent or rant. I guess it will kind of continue in that vein. I’ve decided that I don’t owe anything to anyone in terms of keeping it up to date or writing about what anyone in particular wants to read about. As the saying goes, Dance like nobody is watching (or, in this case, Write like nobody is reading).
So, what is actually going on in my life write now?
Weight: I’m still hovering around 170-172. I’d really like to be 150. My “lowest weight ever” is 164.5. That said, I’m not really locked into a number on the scales so much as I’d like to be a particular size (e.g., a 10). I want to get my waist measurement down below 32 inches. I want to get these rolls of fat off my abdomen and back. If I can do that, I really don’t care about my actual weight. And given the fact that I have a fair amount of muscle mass, I likely will never be 135 pounds.
Training: Notice, I don’t even refer to it as “exercise”. To be frank, I love physical activity. I love being active. I don’t mind going to the gym. I love going for runs and bike rides with my friends. I don’t see it as a chore or a duty in any way. Lack of activity is not my vice; food is. My training goals for this year are:
· 30K race at the end of March – would love to come in between 3:00 and 3:10
· Cycling in Italy (April) – I have to get my butt in gear to be ready for eight days of cycling. [Gulp.]
· Triathlon: I have two goal races that are about the same distance (2K swim, 56K bike, 15K run). My PB at this distance is 4 hours and 24 minutes. In the first race, my goal is just to complete it since it’s a very tough course. In the second race, I’d love to take a few minutes off my swim and bike times.
· Running: I haven’t ruled out the idea of a fall marathon. I always said that I’d never run another marathon (unless it was part of Ironman) as the training is just too much. But I really don’t think that I’ve come anywhere close to my potential at that distance (PB of 4:48). The other option is to try to run a 2-hour half marathon, which is close to seven minutes faster than my current PB. A tall order, to say the least.
Food: Ugh. I have a love-hate relationship with food. I love it – a bit too much. The fact that I even have a “relationship” with food is an indication to me that there is a problem. I’m trying to eat less. I’m trying to eat for fuel and not for emotional reasons. I’m trying not to eat mindlessly. All of this is hard for me.
Work: Kinda sucks right now. Mostly because I’m bored (guess where I’m writing this???). I’ve applied for two jobs internally, but I’m not even really that jazzed about either of them. We’ll see what happens in the next few weeks.
Family: This area is pretty stable and my relationships here are good. Nothing much to report in this area.
Social: My social life is intertwined with my exercise life since the vast majority of my close friends and acquaintances are recreational athletes like I am. I’m very happy with the status of my friendships and they bring a lot to my life. The only thing I wish is that I could maintain closer relationships with old friends who aren’t part of my regular exercise-social group. I guess that’s just something I have to do.
Love Life: Kinds sucks right now, too. I’ve realized recently how much of a void this is in my life. I’ve done a pretty good job of filling the void with other things, but since the short-term relationship I had last spring ended, I’m really feeling it. All the things I’ve used as a substitute in the past (work, exercise, food) just aren’t cutting it anymore. The problem is, I don’t really know what I need to do to make a change in this area. It all seems so random. If you go looking for it and can’t find it, you’re told to just “relax and let it happen.” If you relax and wait for it to come to you, you’re told to “get out there, meet people, join a club doing something you love to meet like-minded people.” So, which is it??
Community: This is an area where I am really lacking. I feel bad about the fact that I do very little in terms of social/community work. I’ve made a commitment to myself that I will do one volunteer activity per month this year. I did one in November (Habitat) and another one in December (Scott Mission), but I have to figure out something to do this month. Ideally, I’d like to do the same thing every month, rather than have to figure out something new on a monthly basis. But I need to find the opportunity that is right for me. To some extent, my position with the Tri club would constitute as a community/volunteer activity, but it just doesn’t seem the same to me.
Education: Hmmm, that one has really been on the back burner for the last few years since I started training for running and triathlon. I guess it all comes down to the issue of balance again. And it’s also related to my job woes, since I don’t really know what I want to “do”, so I don’t know what type of education I should be pursuing.
So, that's where I am right now: in a bit of a holding pattern. Let's hope that 2007 brings me some clarity and peace of mind.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
I Resolve...
To be a more frequent blogger this year. Sorry.
Getting ready to head out for a run (hills). My big news is that I'm "training" for my spring vacation to Italy! It's a 10-day trip with eight days of cycling, so I've got to get in shape.
I didn't gain too much weight over the holidays and I'm back to where I was before (around 171), even flirted with 169 a couple of days this week! Woo!
Exercising six days a week, sometimes twice a day. My total workout time is about 7 hours per week and will go up from there.
Ciao for now!
Getting ready to head out for a run (hills). My big news is that I'm "training" for my spring vacation to Italy! It's a 10-day trip with eight days of cycling, so I've got to get in shape.
I didn't gain too much weight over the holidays and I'm back to where I was before (around 171), even flirted with 169 a couple of days this week! Woo!
Exercising six days a week, sometimes twice a day. My total workout time is about 7 hours per week and will go up from there.
Ciao for now!
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