Monday, April 26, 2010

To Do List

I am leaving for Spain on Thursday. I am nowhere near trained for the level of activity I will be faced with, but I'll just have to take each day/workout as it comes. This is supposed to be my vacation, after all...

Things to do when I get back from Spain...

1. Get back to on-line dating. Not having any prospects in real life means that I have to resort to the on-line thing again. Sigh.
2. Finish my projects in my condo to get it ready to be listed for sale. Yes, FOR SALE!! See #3.
3. Buy a house. :)

I'm sick of condo living and really need an outdoor space. Not a huge garden (don't want the responsibility), but at least a deck/patio where I can have a BBQ and some pots of plants and some herbs. In time, I'd like to try my hand at a vegetable garden, but I'd probably have to give up some things I love to find the time to really make it work.

Anyway, that's all I have for now. Hola!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Non-Date No-Go

I think I've mentioned S, the guy I reconnected with on FS a few weeks ago - the one whose e-mail made me re-sign just so I could read it.

Anyway, he lives in London but will be in Mississauga on business this week. He suggested we get together for dinner one night. I suggested Tuesday (today), he said that was good and asked me to suggest a place/time, which I did. This was last Thursday.

All along I have been considering this a "non-date" and I believe that he is, too. I don't think either one of us wants to be involved in a long-distance relationship.

I haven't heard from him since then. I went on FS to see if he had at least read the message - if he had, I would likely still go to the meeting spot I suggested. But as of this morning, he still hasn't read the message! Weird.

So, it looks like my Non-Date is going to be a No-Go this evening.

Going back to what my sister and I talked about last month, unless he has a really good reason for not confirming with me until today, I am going to bail on my date with him tonight. It goes back to the whole thing about being too accommodating and letting the other person drive the relationship too often.

And now that I think about it, he sort of did this to me last time we communicated: at the time I was also starting to see R, so it wasn't a big deal, but S had said something about being in town and getting together while he was here, but then he just dropped off and I never heard from him again until a year later.

That's it. Decision made: I will not be meeting him for dinner this evening.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Back at it

I ran again yesterday evening. Again, I didn't wear my Garmin or track my time on my watch. I ran a route I normally run and know that it is about 5K, and that I did it in about 30 minutes (based on the time I left and the time I got back). But I'm still not officially tracking my workouts or following a plan other than "run when I feel like it."

The run felt OK. I took a short walk break about 2/3 of the way through - I still feel a bit sluggish. The weather was beautiful, though, and it was so nice to be out in the sun and daylight. I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening's run because it will be the first "daylight" runpub of the year. Up until now, the only way to run in daylight is to do it in the morning, or right after work; runpub has always been in the dark. But now that the sun isn't setting until 7:30 I'll get my evening run in before it gets dark.

I leave for England a week from Friday. Between now and then I have a few goals. It's not really "training" or "dieting" but just some guidelines to keep me from gaining any more weight.

1. Run when I feel like it. Hopefully I "feel like it" more than twice per week.
2. Abstain from alcohol.
3. Abstain from junk food and sweets.
4. Be mindful of my eating (no mindless snacking).
5. Take one "cheat day" (this Saturday) where I can drink and eat cake since I am going to a BD party that evening.
6. Weigh myself both Friday mornings (3/19 and 3/26).

I have to admit that I'm a bit scared to weigh myself this Friday. I know that I've gained some weight and I'm a little worried about the number I am going to see. That's part of the reason for my "guidelines" above. I'm hoping that if I can stick to those, that Friday's number won't be so bad.

Friday, March 12, 2010


Is it shallow of me to dismiss/reject someone because of their age? There's this man on FS who has contacted me several times. The first time, I wasnt't a paying member so I couldn't reply (not that I wanted to). The second time, there wasn't really anything in his message worth replying to. So today, he e-mails me AGAIN with this big long explanation (which I didn't even read in its entirety) detailing how we are so alike in so many ways, blah-blah-blah.

He's 66. My mother is 70. I am NOT dating a guy who is 24 years older than I am and only four years younger than my mother! Period! End of discussion.

Ugh. Dating sucks.

I have two aquaintances - R&J - who are a couple with a 20-year age difference between them: she is mid-40s, he is mid-60s. I don't know how long they have been a couple. It works for them.

I just can't see it working for me.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Yeah, pretty much a waste of money

On dating:

Yup, the $30 I paid to re-join FS is likely money down the drain. There isn't anyone remotely interesting on the site, and the two guys I have e-mailed have not responded (one has read the message and viewed my profile, the other hasn't). Oh well.

I did get a reply from S to my e-mail to him. He said he'd also been off the site for a year, having met and dated someone during that time. They are no longer together. But he did say something that concerned me, which is that he had just gone through another round of cancer treatment. I knew that he had cancer (from our previous e-mail converstations) but didn't know that he was still dealing with it. I don't know that I'd have it in me to date someone knowing that they have cancer. Hmm.

On weight:

Ugh. My pants feel tight. As much as I feel mentally better for taking some time off from diet and exercise, I feel like I've set myself back three years (weight and fitness-wise) in just two weeks! I haven't weighed myself, so I don't know how much damage I've done, but I don't like the way I look or feel right now.

Time to re-think my strategy on both fronts.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I paid $30 for this??

C is a bad influence on me. "Enabler" is what she called it. Ha!

Well, I re-signed at FS. My curiosity got the best of me and I just had to know what S had written to me. Not only can you not read e-mail that someone sends you unless you are a paid member, but you can't even see the title of the message!

Here it is, for what it's worth (surely not $30!):

From: LifeWriter
Date: Mar 7, 2010 9:48PM EST
Subject: I cant believe you are still on here


What is the deal. I come on here to see if anythig has changed and here you are....I propose a freedom 50 deal; if we are both unattached when we are 50 we get married.

Cheers and good luck!

I replied to his message, and also sent a message off to the other guy who looked interesting. Neither of them has read the message yet.

In doing a quick search of the site (sometimes I'm picky with my search criteria*, sometimes not), I didn't really see anyone else of interest. I've set a reminder for myself to cancel my membership before it auto-renews in a month from now. My optimistic side says, "Maybe the guy you are meant to meet isn't on the site yet and will sign up in the next few weeks!" Right. I'm trying to continue to believe that.

And I also got another message from the 66-year-old guy who'd messaged me back in February. I just deleted that one.

*On the topic of search criteria (which isn't as important on FS as it is on PoF because there are far fewer people on FS to sort through), it's interesting to see what guys put on their preferences. The vast majority of guys who are within my searched age range (43-49) are all looking for women who are no older than 45 - which means I wouldn't show up on their searches. And some of them are looking for women who are no older than five years younger than they are (e.g., 45 year-old guy who is looking for a woman between 30-40). What's up with that???

Anyyyyyyway... I'll give it one more try for the next month. I'm also looking for other opportunities to get out into social situations, but not much has come up yet.

Monday, March 08, 2010

To Re-sign or Not to Re-sign?

A while back I closed all my on-line dating profiles. Closed, meaning "hidden" so that I wouldn't show up in someone's search results, but my account is still there so that if I decide to reactivate it, I don't have to re-do it.

Today, I got a message saying that I had new mail. Weird: how could I have new mail if my account is hidden? Well, it's mail from a guy I had been communicating with last May (before R and I hooked up) who had then dropped off for some reason. But since I am no longer a paying member, I can't read the message! I am so curious to read it, but I'd have to pay $29.95 for one month (or $59.95 for 3 months) just to read one message! That seems like a waste to me.

So, I then did a quick search to see who was on-line who fit my search parameters. There were a lot of the same old guys, but a few new ones, too. One guy really piqued my interest, but that was just based on his photo and his stats - he didn't have any write-up at all. I would feel weird e-mailing someone to say that I liked his stats the way he looked!

My friend L says that spring/summer is a bad time to do on-line because most guys want to be out meeting girls in skirts and sandals, not holed up typing on their computer. Interesting perspective.

So, I'm torn. I'll sit on it for a few days and see what I decide to do. Input is welcome!

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Baby Steps

I ran last night. I didn't over-think it, I just did it. It was Wednesday - my regular runpub day - and the weather was beautiful.

My new Lulu running capris were still sitting in the bag with the tags on. They were almost begging me to put them on.

For inspiration, I wore the Tri-It vest that C sent me. As I left the house I grabbed the one hat that was hanging by the door: my finisher's hat from Ironman Canada in 2006 - a reminder that this is something I do, something that is part of me.

I ran without a plan. S suggested a route, and I was fine with that. I've done the route before, so I know it is 6K (3K out, 3K back). I didn't wear a Garmin, or even turn on the chrono on my watch. I was running, and I didn't want to focus on how far or how fast I was going (because that would be a bit too much like "training"). Of course, in the back of my mind, I knew that S was wearing a watch and J (our other running partner) was wearing a Garmin.

When we finished our run, S asked me how long we'd run, as he'd forgotten to turn on his watch. I said that I hadn't, either, but that J was wearing her Garmin. Turns out that her battery had died, so she didn't have the time for our run, either. Perfect!

I really did enjoy the run last night: I was with friends, I felt good (not sluggish like I had the day before), and best of all I felt no pressure. I think I will carry on with this approach for the next few weeks: just run when the mood strikes me, go as far/fast as I feel like going at the time. No Garmin, no watch, no log. I always have a sense of how far/long I've run - partly because I know the distance of a lot of the routes I typically run, partly because I have a built-in clock that's pretty accurate. But I'm not going to officially track anything and just enjoy running for the time being.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

To run or not to run?

As I was walking from the office to the train in the beautiful sunshine yesterday I was thinking about what it would take to get me running again.

I've discovered that the thing I was struggling with was the schedule, not the running/exercise itself. I felt like I "had" to do it; I "had" to stick to the schedule. As a result, I was not enoying the activities because I felt a sense of obligation to do them.

Generally speaking I am a "social exerciser." I enjoy the cameraderie of running and biking with friends. I enjoy solo running from time to time, but I almost always prefer to have company. For cycling, I ALWAYS prefer to have company: I don't like riding alone.

I'm also not really big on classes - spin class, body pump, yoga, whatever. I'm not really a "class" person. Now that's different than getting together with a group of friends for an indoor trainer ride - I quite like doing that (if it's the only option in the winter - I still prefer the outdoor ride).

So, going back to my original question: What will it take? Well, I know I will run again when I want to run. Not because I can't stand NOT running. It's a subtle difference, but it's very clear in my mind. Some people have a compulsion to run, and they will start running again because they just can't stand NOT running. I've been that person in the past. But this time, I am more focused on starting to run again because I want to enjoy the experience of running, not because I don't like the experience of NOT running. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this clearly, but it's the best I can do.

I did run yesterday. Briefly. I was again inspired to go for a walk in the sunshine when I got home from work. I took a slightly different route than I had the day before. Again, I had to run to catch a light, but then went right back to my walk. Towards the end, a song came on my iPod that inspired me to run, so I did. How long is a song? 4-5 minutes? That's about how long I ran. I felt very sluggish at first, and winded after I stopped. Ugh. I hope I was just having a bad day because it almost felt like how I felt 12 years ago when I first started running outside.

Today is Wednesday. The sun is shining and the weather will again be warm. I think I might want to run this afternoon. We'll see.

ETA: When I got home from my walk/run yesterday I opened the mail. Inside was my finisher's certificate from the Las Vegas Marathon. It's funny, because as I was struggling to run the three blocks a few minutes earlier, I was thinking that anyone who saw me would never imagine that I am a three-time Ironman and four-time marathoner! LOL Maybe I needed to see that certificate to remind me that I am.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010


I went for a walk after work yesterday. The weather was so nice and I felt like I was "wasting" a perfectly good day due to my exercise ban.

I deliberately didn't wear a sports bra so that I wouldn't be tempted to run. Even though I had my running shoes on, nothing else was really "running" gear, so I wasn't even tempted (except when I had to jog across the street when the light was changing).

The walk was lovely! I didn't time myself or wear my Garmin. I think I was out about 30 minutes, but that's just an estimate. It really doesn't matter. Today is supposed to be another beautiful day, so I might do this again.

I know I will run again. And I'm unlikely to hold out for the full five weeks, especially if the weather is this good. But when I do get back into it, it will not be on a schedule. I will run when I feel like running, and not run when I don't.