Bailing

No yoga tonight. H bailed as she wasn't feeling well. I was also feeling kind of crappy today (grumbling in my tummy that wouldn't go away), so I'm not goin on my own.

I still have time to go swimming (starts at 8:30), but I have some work to do this evening to prepare for my class tomorrow. Besides, I don't really want to go swimming.

Ack... just not feeling like doing all that much. Party season starts on Friday, so I have to rest up for that. Ha! I seem to have lost my workout mojo. Not sure where it went... have you seen it?

Weigh-in today was 169.4lbs. Not much else to say.

Another Sunday

Why do the weekends have to go by so quickly??

Today was a normal Sunday: met the group for a 15K run this morning, followed by breakfast. Last week, I had French Toast and bacon for my post-run breakfast; this week it was scrambled eggs, rye toast and fresh fruit. I think I made a better choice this week.

It's very easy to get lulled into overeating when you're as active as I am, and I think that's probably what happened to me last week. That's why I find journalling to be so helpful - it really helps to keep me on track. My run this morning (105 minutes) earned me an extra 1100 calories! I'll probably end up well under that today as I still have about 1,000 calories left to consume and there's no way I'm going to get all that in before the end of the day today. That's fine, though, because I'm not really that hungry.

I've had a bit of a headache since my run this morning. I think it might be related to dehydration, so I should probably have some water. Hold on, I'll be right back [talk amongst yourselves]...

I'm back.

I'm watching TV getting ready for the Grey Cup to start (that's the Canadian equivalent of the Super Bowl). The Montreal Alouettes (my hometown team) are playing the Edmonton Eskimos. Go, Als!!

I'm teaching off site this week, which means I have to travel to the middle of nowhere for three days (North York, for those of you who know TO). I hate braving rush hour traffic when I have to drive through the middle of the city. Blech!

I think H and I are going to try to make it to yoga tomorrow night since she was away for the last two weeks and I didn't go. Tuesday is floor hockey (first game of the playoffs - we're in last place) and picking up my bike. Wednesday is run club. Beyond that, I don't have a lot of plans.

Next weekend is going to be busy as the holiday party season is starting.

Oh, and I'm also doing a crazy charity run on Saturday, December 10th. It's a "Santa Speedo Run", which means that everyone (men and women) will be running through the streets of downtown in our Speedos and Santa caps. The run starts at 1:30PM and it's in a very ritzy/trendy shopping district, so all the holiday shoppers are sure to be in for a treat! Ha!

New Ride!

Ooooooo, I bought a new bike today!! I have to go in on Tuesday to be fit and I'll bring her home then. I'm soooooo happy!!

Here she is:

She's a Cervelo Dual with DuraAce components (a big step up from my current ride). I've named her "Vroom" because that's how it feels to ride her. You can't see it in the photo, but there is some small lettering on the frame that says "Vroomen White Design", so that's where the idea for the name Vroom came from.

I was trying to decide between two bikes, the other one being a beautiful blue Cannondale, but her name just wasn't coming to me. And that's weird because I'm riding a Cannondale now. The other reason I bought this one is because it literally had my name on it. They had to ship it up from their downtown store for me to try so it had a little tag that said: Sold on one side and my name on the other. How could I argue with the tag!

Shedding

I'm shedding hair like mad! It's EVERYWHERE! I can't stand stray hairs, they bug me. I'm finding them everywhere and it's getting annoying.

I have to say that my hair is one of my best features. I've never coloured it -- never really thought about it -- but now the colour is starting to fade and I'm sad about it. I've developed quite a bit of gray underneath at the temples. It really shows when I pull my hair back.

I managed to drag my ass out of bed this morning and get to the gym. I only had time to do 18 minutes on the elliptical before my 30-minute Gravity class started. I hardly feel like I worked out at all.

Today's weigh-in was depressing. Last Friday I weighed in at 167.8, which was a new low. On Monday, it had crept back up to 169.8 but I had just started my period, so that was to be expected. Today, I weighed in again and I'm up yet ANOTHER pound to 170.8, effectively negating the three pounds I thought I had just lost. Grrrrrr.

So, what am I going to do about it? With Christmas coming in a mere 30 days (not to mention that the "holiday season" will actually start for me next weekend with two parties on Friday and two on Saturday), I want to make sure that I don't gain any more weight because I certainly won't be able to lose any for that three-week feeding frenzy known as the Christmas holidays!

Any suggestions on what I can do to kick things up a notch?

Tired

I think there's a "tired" bug going around. I don't know anyone who isn't feeling tired right now. For the record, I'm not the one who started the epidemic, so don't go blaming me!

Just like Monday when I had planned to swim, I packed and hauled my knapsack to work, with the intention of going to the gym, either at lunch or after work. Well, I had a meeting that didn't get out until noon and I was starving at that point, so I bailed on the gym in favour of lunch. Then 4:30 came around and I really didn't feel like going.

I made a deal with myself: if I got my computer shut down and got to the streetcar stop in time to catch my 4:45 streetcar, then I could go home and ride my bike or something. If not, then I would go to the gym (since it would be 15 minutes before the next one came and it beats standing around). Well, I caught the 4:45 streetcar, so no gym. And as soon as I walked into my apartment I changed right into my jammies (so, no bike ride tonight).

I WILL go to the gym tomorrow morning. I WILL, I WILL , I WILL!! Promise.

Without my planned exercise, I'll probably end up going over on calories today. I'll just cut back a bit tomorrow.

It's been snowing off and on here all day. Not much accumulation, but just enough to mess up the roads and sidewalks. And it's insanely windy out, too.

I didn't make it to run club last night as I had to pick the BC up at the airport. She had a bit of a customs nightmare, so she didn't come out until about 90 minutes after her plane landed. It was soooooo great to see her, though! When I got home, I didn't even stop long enough to think about it and just got into my running clothes right away. I ran up the street then turned around and ran back down, for a total of 5.6K. Not a major workout, but I was going at a pretty good clip and the first half was entirely uphill.

So, I guess my message for today is: no guilt. No guilt over not working out. No guilt over too many calories. Tomorrow is another day.

Flashback...

I'm giving myself a good chuckle reading some of my old journal entries. This is from WAY BEFORE I started on-line journalling.

Here's an exerpt from November 22, 1996:

I don't know how many days it's been since I started, but it's been a little over a month. So far, I feel great. I've fallen off the wagon a bit with the food and water parts. It's hard to fit everything into a day. The best part is that working out in the morning gets me started on the right foot. [...] I made the Great Attenders board at the fitness centre. I worked out 11 days in October. I think that's pretty good since I only started part way through the month.

December 9, 1996:

I went for a jog/walk yesterday. I tried to set short running goals for myself and it wasn't too bad. An article I read in Cosmo said that the first 5-10 minutes of running is harder than the second. What a joke - I couldn't run for 5 minutes straight if my life depended on it! That's a bad analogy, but you get the picture. My legs are really sore today, too.

January 13, 1997:

Had a good workout this morning. I ran for 7 minutes and I actually felt like I broke through the pain after 5 minutes. I'm going to try for 8 minutes tomorrow morning.

January 14, 1997:

I did it!! I was #1 on the Great Attenders Board for December! I won with 20 workouts in December. There were four people who went 19 times. Coming in those Saturdays really paid off. I ran for 8 minutes today - the longest ever! It really does wipe me out, though.

Oh, how far I've come since then... It encourages me during times now when I don't think I'll ever reach my goals.

The other thing that really struck me about my entries is how my behaviour towards men hasn't changed one single bit since then. I am still just as obsessed about guys who have no interest in me. I still read into things they say and do and think that there's "meaning" in them. I and still lack any kind of confidence in myself where my interactions with men are concerned. Have I learned nothing in the last 9 years?? Clearly not. [sigh] I was totally hung up on a guy back then who had no interest in me beyond friendship, yet for some reason I could not see that, despite all the evidence. And the same thing is true today, except that it's a different guy. Let him go, La. Let him go.

Swimming... NOT!

Oh, I had intentions. Good ones. I packed my bag to take to the office this morning. At 3PM I printed off a workout and even put it in a little plastic page holder so that it wouldn't get wet.

And then 4:30 came along and I had absolutely NO interest in walking over to the pool. I picked up my knapsack, zipped up my jacket and walked to the streetcar stop instead of to the pool. No second thoughts.

But on the 30-min ride home, I started to feel the little pangs of guilt. Mostly because I had allowed myself to have a chocolate bar this afternoon to satisfy a craving I'd been having for a while. And without that workout I was going to be over on my calories for the day.

So, I put my dinner in the microwave on a delay timer and jumped on my bike for 30+ minutes. My guilt assuaged, I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner and have now hunkered down for an evening of channel and internet surfing.

I was up a couple of of pounds this morning (back up to 169.8) , but that's to be expected considering today was day two of my period. It also explains the chocolate cravings.

Tomorrow: I WILL get up and go to the gym in the morning. I promise! There's a 6:30 Gravity class that I quite like, so I'm planning to go to that. I can probably also squeeze in a quick cardio workout after that as I don't have any early meetings tomorrow. We have our final regular-season floor hockey game tomorrow night (then two weeks of playoffs). We're in last place, but we could move up a place depending on how the team ahead of us does.

The BC comes home from her month-long pilgrimage on Wednesday and I'm going to the airport to pick her up in the afternoon. What a star! Walking 700km in 30 days! It boggles the mind. I can't wait to hear all about it.

Oh, forgot to mention about yesterday's run. We did 14.4K in 1:35, which is a pretty good pace for me for a long run (6:35 per km). We were a pretty good-sized group, too, and it was a perfect day for running (sunny and cool).

So close I can taste it!

I went bike shopping today.

My local multi-sport store was having its open house today (and tomorrow), so after I did my 60-minute jaunt on my trainer I got showered, caffeinated and drove up to the store.

It was a madhouse! I just kind of wandered around and said Hi to a few people I knew (and smiled at other acquaintances across the store).

While I was talking to one of my tri club board members a guy came up and asked us if we needed help with anything. I said that I was looking for a bike and the first words out of his mouth were, "Well then you definitely need a carbon bike..." and went into this whole schpeel about the advantages of carbon fibre, blah, blah, blah. First, I told him that I didn't think carbon would be appropriate for me being a larger person, to which he said, "You're about 120, there's no problem with carbon."

120?? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Yeah, OK buddy, I know you want a sale but let's get real here. Again, he just kept going on and on about these bikes without really asking me anything about myself (yawn).

Just then, the owner of the store came over and asked how I was doing. He's another acquaintance of mine (I've taught a triathlon clinic at his store in my neighbourhood). He basically told the other guy to get lost and that he'd help me out (sweet!). Now this guy knows how to sell bikes! He was asking me about myself and my riding style and what I like/don't like about my current bike, etc. Then he took some measurements to see what size frame I should be in. Turns out I have a long torso - who knew??!! Anyway, we've narrowed it down based on price range and I'm going to go back next weekend to try out a few different models. Yea!

The big decision will be road geometry vs. tri geometry. Right now I'm on road, but I'm not sure that this is really the best for me. I always have a sore butt and lower back when I ride, so I just want to be comfortable on my bike, regardless of which setup ends up being better for me.

Although in the back of my mind I KNEW that I wasn't coming home with a bike today, I really wish I could have. Oh well, next weekend. Patience has never been my forte.

Tech talk: The two tri bikes I'm considering are the Cervelo Dual and the Cannondale Ironman 800. The Cervelo is a bit more expensive, but not so much so. And it's a slightly better bike. I think I'm looking at Ultegra components (can't really afford DurAce), but with a compact crank to make up for the fact that I need a little extra help getting up the big hills. Both bikes are very pretty (cuz that's equally important). The Cervelo is silver (not my first choice) and the Cannondale is acqua blue with these really cool flame graphics on it. There's a pretty yellow Cervelo, but it won't be available until May, which is too late for me (whaaa!). Last year's Cervelo may also be available in blue/black/white. The only thing about that design I don't like is that it's very common as most of their bikes have that design.

It's a beautiful, sunny, cool day here. I had thoughts of housecleaning, but I just cant bring myself to do it. So I think I'll head downtown and go drink some wine instead (at the Wine Show).

Underground

One of the benefits of working downtown is the incredible underground path that links all the major office towers for many, many blocks. There are literally MILES of underground paths that link downtown together underground.

Normally, I walk outside. As convenient as it is, I prefer the fresh air and it's actually faster to get around as it's more direct.

But today, the wind was howling and I was just not prepared for the cold, so I walked the block-and-a-half outside to *bucks and then went underground the rest of the way.

I'm not ready for it to be cold. Brrr.

I had a good workout at the gym this morning. I only had time for a quick warm-up on the elliptical before my Gravity class started, but I did that one at a higher intensity level, so it was a good challenge.

Food was OK today. Stayed within calories, but probably didn't make all the best choices. It was what it was.

Did laundry after work. Just chillin' tonight.

Tomorrow, I'm going to ride on my trainer in the morning then go on a little shopping spree for MYSELF! Yes, I'm in the market for a new bike and two of the local shops are having their open houses / sales this weekend. I also want to go to the wine show at the convention centre. I'll end up having to go on my own as nobody else seems to be interested in going.

Sunday is long run day. Probably about 14K or so.

That's about it. Happy weekend!!

We won!! We won!!

Oh, the sweet smell of victory! We FINALLY won our first floor hockey game of the season. Yes, it was only our second-to-last game, but we won none the less. Final score: 6-3. I didn't score (sniff), but we played really well against a team that hacks and bullies and is just generally nasty to play against. But we beat them - woo!

Basking in the glory of a hard fought victory! Yea!

I showed that darned scale.. ha!

Oh miracle of miracles: 167.8lbs! That's my lowest weight EVAH! That's a three-pound loss since last Monday's weigh-in, but it's not all "net new" weight loss. My previous low had been 169.something. Still, it's a whole new breakthrough for me.

FINALLY, all my hard work over the last few weeks has paid off. Since I didn't weigh myself right after my vacation and since I bought a new scale, I don't have an actual "official" weight-loss number for this phase. The closest I can figure is 6-7 pounds over a 9-week period. It's not exactly what I had hoped for, wishing that I could drop 1.5-2 pounds per week, but I'll take it.

I've updated my stats on the right. Lowest weight to date: 167.8 recorded on Monday, November 12, 2005.

Since the "Miracle on the Scales", I haven't eaten particularly well, but I have stayed within my daily calorie allowance. I just probably shouldn't have had the skin on the rotisserie chicken on Monday, nor the five little Lindor chocolates I consumed over the last two days (three yesterday, two today). Thankfully they're gone now. I'll do better, I swear. Right now, I'm blaming it on PMS.

I have to leave for floor hockey soon (we are still winless - whaaa!). It's nasty outside - wind, rain, blech!! I'd much rather be tucked in nice and cozy under my down duvet. But the team calls...

Condo update

I met the RE agent today to pick out my finishes for the condo. I took my friend CL with me just to have a second pair of eyes and ears in case I forgot anything.

I was very happy to see that the colours/style I had envisioned for my kitchen were available. It's a shaker-style cabinet in kind of teak colour (medium orangey-brown) with brushes "stainless" knobs. I ugraded the cabinets to solid wood because it wasn't that expensive. I also bit the bullet and upgraded to the stainless steel appliance package. The countertops are laminate (I just don't have the budget for granite), but they are simulated slate, so it's got some of the warm brown of the cabinets, plus some darker/lighter brown, green and rust.

But then he says that the only colour option for the kitchen floor tiles is WHITE! White?? That's just wrong! He suggested that he was going to ask the builder if we could buy our own tiles and have them install them for us. I want a slate-looking floor, so I really would prefer to buy them myself. I hope he goes for it. I also hope he goes for the proposition of allowing us to include the upgrades in the purchase price and not have to pay cash for them.

On the way home, CL and I went by the site to check the place out since I wasn't able to get pictures yesterday because the crew was working. There was a gap in the gate, so we walked right onto the site and took pictures close up. As we were leaving, I spotted a door open. Hmmm, that was just so tempting, so despite the large "No Tresspassing" sign outside, we went in. I could faintly hear voices inside, but I forged ahead anyway. I walked into the unit that would be right below mine to get a feeling for it. It looked AMAZING! The floors and walls are still concrete and there's nothing in there yet, but it was great to just get a feeling for the space.

As we were walking out I spotted a staircase going up. I couldn't resists, so we climbed the stairs to my level to scope that out. Again, we could hear voices, but we figured if someone sees us they could just ask us to leave - no harm done. I went into my own unit and took a bunch of photos. I even went upstairs and checked out the loft space.

This is going to be SO COOL!!! Although I'm disappointed that I won't be in for Cripsmas, I'm still getting really excited about it and looking forward to moving in.

*****

In other news, I did something yesterday that I haven't done in weeks: I went swimming!! I haven't been to the pool since my clinic a few weeks ago and it felt really good. I was the fastest person in the fast lane, which is always a good ego-boost (yet a pain in the ass when I have to keep passing people). I swam 1800m in 36 minutes. Not a record-setting time, but I did do some kicking drills, which are very slow. My 400m set was 7:50, so I was very happy with that!

I also rode my bike on Saturday morning for about an hour while watching the Ironman World Championships from last year. This year's race was on TV in the afternoon, so I was just watching last year's race as a warm-up. I really shouldn't watch those shows when I have PMS because I just bawl like a baby from all the human interest stories (and there were plenty this year, too). If you've never seen it, it's quite amazing and inspiring.

Today, I went for a run with Run Club and we did 12K in 1:20. It was pretty warm (10-12C) and the rain held off, which was great. My hamstrings are a bit sore still from the race last week so I didn't do so well on the uphills (owie!).

Searching for normal

After reading Trish's post about being "normal", I started to think about what "normal" really means. And, more importantly, what "normal" means to me.

To some degree, I have been striving to be normal for the last 28 years. My first feeling of not being normal was after my father died. I really think I struggled with trying to be normal ever since. It hardly mattered what I did or who I was friends with, I never really felt normal.

Certainly, when I was at a maximum weight of 235 pounds I was anything BUT normal. But everything I did (even before trying to lose weight) was motivated by trying to be normal and fit in.

Where some people would say, "When I lose the weight, I'll...", I would say to myself, "When I'm normal, I'll...". The excess weight was just the external evidence of how non-normal I felt inside. As an extension of that, I always felt like I would not be loved (or worthy of love) until I was normal.

So now, 65 pounds later, do I feel normal? Hmmmm... not yet. What will it take? Somehow I don't think it will be found in lost poundage, though.

Good news, bad news

[sigh]

The good news is that I get to pick the finishes for my new condo this weekend!! I called the Real Estate Agent and he arranged the appointment for this coming Sunday. I don't really know what I have to choose from, but I definitely have a picure in my mind of what I want.

Yes, I'm getting into nesting mode again.

The bad news? Well, he also informed me that the occupancy date has been delayed and it likely won't be ready until mid-January (whaaa!). I had all kinds of plans for Christmas (oops, Cripsmas, sorry J) in my new place, so now we'll have to figure something else out.

Here's the artist's concept of what the building looks like from the exterior. It pretty much does look like that (except that where the trees are on the right is an old house next door):













Here's a photo of what it looked like a couple of months ago:





















I need to get some new shots because it's looking pretty swanky now that all the windows are in. Here's the layout. I's a two-storey loft, the left is the lower level and the right is the upper. For some reason the images aren't of even scale. The whole place is about 780 square feet (total):






















That's it! Pretty cool, eh? La's gonna be a HOMEOWNER!! Woo!

Supposed to be a rest day... HA!

Normally, the day after a race is a rest day. But this evening I decided to go to Yoga. And it's not the easy relaxing yoga - it's hot, strength building yoga. My hamstrings and quads were screaming at me! But in the end it felt great to move and stretch and keep my muscles moving.

After yoga H and I went to Lick's for a burger as I was FAMISHED! We had turkey burgers. And to my surprise, they are actually listed on Nutr1diary! So the burger itself was only 183 calories, however the bun was almost 300!! I was still well within my daily calorie limit, though.

I'm taking a little mini-break from my regular exercise this week while my legs heal up and recover from the beating I gave them yesterday. I'm playing floor hockey tomorrow night, so I'll have to run around the gym a bit (so much for rest!). I was going to swim on Wednesday, but now I've learned that I have a work social event that night, so no swimming. Friday is a holiday in the bank for Remeberance Day, so maybe I can go for a swim then.

Less exercise also means less eating! Yikes! That should be interesing!

But to be honest, nothing else seems to be having an effect on my weight, so maybe this will do it. I can only hope!

A New Personal Best!

Well, the day did not start off as I had hoped. I weighed in at 170.0 lbs. Essentially, no change since my last weigh-in 10 days ago. Grrrr!

Anyway, I brushed that off and headed out to my race: the Angus Glen Half Marathon (21.1K or 13.1 miles).

I didn't really go into this race trying for a personal best (PB). I had been doing my long runs, some speed work, but not much else than that. I just wanted to have a good run and see how it goes. I drove up in convoy with CL, KL and KH. We parked in the big muddy field and then made our way to the clubhouse at the golf course where the race was starting.

It was PACKED by the time we got there and bathroom lineups (which I had to stand in twice) were pretty long. The horn from the fire truck went off just after 10AM and we began our run. It was a bit slow going on the run out of the club because of the narrow path and the number of runners, but CL and I were able to pick up the pace on the slight downhill after that. We hit the 1K mark in just over 6 minutes and CL was worried that we had gone out too fast. I said that we were fine and that our pace would slow down once we started the walk breaks (heh, heh, heh).

Running through the neighbourhood was quite nice. It was great that some families came out to cheer us on. And there were NO issues with traffic or road closures, that I could see. I didn't take my split times, but we hit the 5K mark in just over 30 minutes. Yes, a little faster than planned, but there was still a lot of race to go.

The "hill" leading up to the 6K marker that we had heard about beforehand wasn't really an issue. As we were climbing we saw the 2:15 pace bunny ahead of us. I was determined to get past her and picked up the pace a bit since there was a big crowd around her and I don't like running in a pack like that. Just then, someone decided to start singing and that was the LAST thing I wanted to hear, so to CL's dismay (yet again), I picked up the pace to get away from the singer.

The rolling hills started around the 6K point and lasted all the way until the 18K mark (with one flat but windy section from about 14-16K). Hills are not my strength (unless they're of the "down" persuasion), which is part of the reason why I hadn't set my heart on a PB as this was not a flat and fast course. We hit the 10K at 1:01 and the half-way point at 1:04-something, so we knew that we were both on pace for a PB if we could maintain that pace. The rolling section from 11K-15K was a non-issue. But when we made the turn south just before the 15K mark... WHAM! There was the wind! At CL's suggestion, we took turns leading and drafting to save energy. Another woman tried to tuck in behind us, but I think we eventually ended up dropping her.

The best part was hitting the 16K marker in 1:38 and knowing that if we could run the final 5K in 30:00, we'd both have PBs. However, this is also where my hamstrings started to sing (and their singing was WAY off key!). I asked myself, "How bad do you want this?" and decided to keep pushing the pace to the best of my ability. Our friend E was waiting for us at the next corner, just as we turned out of the wind. It was great to have company on the last bit of the run. In fact, when we made the final turn into the massive headwind at about the 18.5K mark, she took the lead and we drafted behind her. CL decided to take her final walk break and I wanted to forge ahead, so E ran with me until we hit the crest of the final hill and then she went back to run with CL.

I love running downhill, but it was totally spoiled today by that nasty headwind. It was a nice treat to see some friends from my on-line running club on the final approach to the entrance to the golf club. I knew at that point that I was going to have a PB on the day and pointed to my watch as I passed them. That was the last time I had looked at my watch, so instead I keyed off the couple running ahead of me. I passed them in the last few hundred meters. I saw KH and KL near the finish line. I was totally stoked to see the time on the clock was 2:09-something, which meant an official PB for me on the day. My official finishing time was 2:09:14, which is 47 seconds faster than my previous PB that I set in Ottawa this past May.

Almost as soon as I got my medal, I could feel my hamstrings cramping up. I'll have to take it easy this week, that's for sure.

The post-race food was good, but the space seemed a bit small for the number of people. They cut off registration at 1,000 runners, which was a good call as it would have been insane with any more than that.

For the rest of the day I simply vegged on the couch and tried not to think about my sore hamstrings. I'll be feeling them tomorrow, that's for sure! Maybe I should book myself a massage...

Speaking of food, I didn't even bother to track my calories consumed today. I'd have no clue on how to tabulate the calories from my post-race meal. Today's run burned close to 1,800 additional calories, so I'm not too worried about going over.

Pre-Race Routine

I'm not a particularly superstitious person. I can be anal about some things, but I'm not one of those OC people who have to have things lined up a certain way or have to put their right sock on before their left or are germ-o-phobic or anything like that (quite the opposite, actually).

My pre-race routine really consists of having as much information as possible. And I want that information to be extremely accurate. I don't like going into situations blindly; I like to know the 411. I get comfort from knowing, even if none of the things are within my control.

Case in point: last weekend I organized a group training run up on part of the race course so that I could get a bit of a preview. Today, I drove up to get my race registration sorted out and decided to drive the part of the course that I had not seen last weekend. The course is what it is (a few hills, but I can deal with that) and I can't do anything to change it, but I get great comfort in knowing what I'll be up against on race day.

And I guess I'm kind of like that in life in general. I don't like surprises. I don't generally like the unknown, yet I also have confidence in myself that I can adapt to any situation that's presented to me once I'm in it. I think it's more that I don't want to be embarassed or humiliated or ridiculed for being naive or ignorant. I don't want to mess up, so I like to be prepared for things ahead of time.

Having said that, it's not like I won't go to new places or do new things. In fact, I do all kinds of things on my own that many other people wouldn't do (like go to a party by myself, even if I don't know many people there). But I still like to get the lay of the land as much as possible beforehand. I guess it's about having some tiny bit of control when everything else is outside of my control.

That could also be why I am so obsessed by maps and directions. Before I go anywhere new I always map out the route and review it several times so that I know where I'm going at all times. I find maps very comforting. And I'm totally stoked about this new G00gle mapping application that someone developed that allows me to map out my running route and distances anywhere in North America (maybe even in the world, although I've never tried)! It's very cool.

So, I'm going into tomorrow's race with as much information about the course as possible. I have either run or driven the entire course and I've mapped it out so I know where all the kilometer markers are, too.

If only the other areas of my life were like that.

Frrrrrriday!

Oh, I just love Fridays! I like them even better when I have something exciting to do on Friday night. Alas, tonight I do not.

I did laundry after work (yawn) and then came home and nuked something for dinner. I went over on my calories today, but only by about 80 calories (and that's with trying for a 500-calorie deficit). But the whole thing is really moot because I don't know for sure what my BMR is, what my additional calories burned in a day are, and I also don't know exactly the calorie count of some of the foods I ate today. So there.

I took the day off from exercise, too, because I'm racing on Sunday. I like to take the day-before-the-day-before my race off. Tomorrow, I'll do some light spinning on my bike in the morning and then I have to drive up to pick up my race kit so that I don't have to worry about it on race morning. I'm also going to meet J and her mum for lunch, I think.

My pre-race plan is to hydrate and eat well, but my favourite pre-race ritual is to have a beer the night before the race, so I'll do that tomorrow. Just one, mind you. And it'll be a nice hearty one (Kilkenny) not some sappy domestic-water-for-beer. Blech!

I have several goals for Sunday's race. Ideally, I'd like to be able to finish in under 2:15. If the stars align, I'd love to break my previous PB of 2:10:01. This spring, I ran the NYC Half Marathon in 2:14, which was quite hilly and I hadn't really done much training, so I think it's possible to do sub-2:15 as I've actually trained for this race. We'll see. Full report to follow on Sunday.

NSVs

Well, considering I am on a hiatus from the scales this week (only 3 more days until I can weigh in again!), I can only report NSVs. I am happy to say that I had TWO this week! Oh, and one little hiccup in my plan.

NSV#1: Like a High School Reunion – only better!

Tuesday night I went to a reunion. It wasn’t for High School or even College. It was a reunion of people who used to work together in the 80s and 90s. I worked there from 1991 until 1994. Shortly after I left, the company was sold to a bank (coincidentally, the bank for which I now work) and the principals of the company left to pursue other ventures. But in the years we all worked there, we worked hard and played even harder. There was an incredible entrepreneurial spirit among those who worked there and everyone agreed that it was the people and the culture that kept us there when the volume of work was so insanely high.

As the years have gone by, many people have left, yet some still remain with the old company (now owned by the bank) and they lament that “things aren’t as good as they used to be.” Those of us who left before things got really corporate remember our time there fondly.

But the reason this reunion was so good was more personal for me. You see, when I worked there I was at least 50 if not 60 pounds heavier than I am now. In fact, many people didn’t even recognize me. Those who did commented on how great I looked. I was a little bit nervous before I met up with my friend JR to go over to the party. I hadn’t seen many of these people in more than 10 years. But when I walked in and saw how old (and in many cases, fat) people had gotten, I took small comfort in the fact that I was one of the few (if only) people who actually looked BETTER today than we did back then. And I got a huge confidence boost from that.

Just like in High School, there were people whose best days were clearly behind them. And I realized that I am currently in my “best days”, yet I still feel that I have many more to come.

Oh, and the dress? It was PERFECT! There was a photographer on hand so hopefully I’ll be able to post a photo.

NSV#2: Pants!

Yesterday, I wore these pants that I have had for a while. Maybe they’re 18 months old. I really quite like them but it was starting to become evident that they are just too freaking big for me now. They were almost literally falling off me yesterday. They are a size 15, so I went to the little shop downstairs to see if I could find something that would fit properly. I was pretty sure that the 13s would fit just fine considering how big the 15s were on me. Well, not only did the 13s fit, but they were actually LOOSE on me! Not so loose that I’d be able to fit into the 11s, but loose enough that I only bought one pair because I’m likely to grow out of them again pretty soon (if you call losing weight “growing out of”). Woo!

Hiccup: Food!

Food mistake #1: Last night I went to the gym after work and ran on the treadmill. I had to kill time before meeting my friends at 7PM uptown. I grabbed a blueberry bagel to eat in the car as I knew I wouldn’t be able to wait until after 7PM to eat dinner. I’m always ravenous after a workout, so I needed something to tie me over. When I got to the restaurant, everyone was ordering their famous chicken wings. Who was I to stray from the other seven people at the table were ordering! I showed great restraint and only ordered 10 wings (everyone else ordered 20) and I didn’t order fries or anything. I actually had to struggle through the last two wings as I was already quite full (hmmm, should have stopped at eight, really). When I got home I logged my wings into Nutr1diary and found that [GASP!] those wings could have been anywhere between 650 and 1,100 calories, depending on which restaurant they were from!!! Of course, the restaurant I went to was not on the list, so I kind of split the difference and logged it at around 750 calories (there wasn't any sweet sauce on them). Depending on what the actual calorie count was, I might have been over on my calories for the day.

Food mistake #2 came today. We were having a going away party for a colleague, which usually means cake or cookies or something like that. I ate one oatmeal raisin cookie (about 2.5 inches in diameter), which according to Nutr1diary is probably about 150 calories. But did I leave it at just one? Nooooooo, I had to have a second cookie – chocolate chip this time (about 155 calories). Grrr.

Good thing I rode my bike to work today to work off some of those extra calories… And I guess that as long as I account for the calories and don’t go over in a day then it’s not all that bad.

I'm just hoping it wasn't a little self-sabotage.