Thursday, February 23, 2006

Is it Friday yet?

Not quite yet...

It's been a really boring week at work and I've been doing all I can do to keep busy. I've got a little more to do over the next couple of days, but things are definitely slow.

The downside to that is that it gives me far too much time to think. And it's never good when I spend too much time thinking. I have this way of talking myself in or out of things too easily. When I'm spending too much time in my head, bad things can happen.

I'm still communicating with a couple of guys, both of them very different, both of whom I care very deeply for, both for very different reasons. These are actually guys I know in real life - not on-line dates or anything. And it's not even like I'm really trying to decide between them because one of them isn't really in a place where he's ready to be in a relationship as he's in the process of ending one and definitely needs time to figure things out. The other guy is ready, willing and able, but I'm just approaching that one with caution because I don't know if I can really see myself with him as a romantic partner. We're compatible on some levels, but on others we are just not on the same page. Argh.

And as a result of my communication with the two of them, I haven't been following up with the guys who've e-mailed me from POF. They seem nice enough, but I don't know if I have the energy to devote to communicating with any more guys right now. It's confusing enough trying to deal with my conflicting feelings for two guys, let alone adding any more into the mix.

The thing I've realized is that, as flattering as it is to have two guys paying all this attention to me, I really am a "one man gal". Having more than one person in my life is just far too confusing for me.

***

Workout-wise, it's been a pretty good week. I made it to the gym on Monday morning. On Tuesday, I did 10x100m strides as a speed workout. Last night, I ran with my club and we did a 7.8K route and I managed a pace of below 6 min/km, and that's even with two stop lights where I didn't stop my watch. Today was my rest day and tomorrow I'll head back to the gym. The plan for Saturday is to go to Mega Training Day again (3-hour bike ride, 75-min yoga, 90-min swim). On Sunday, I have to do a 25K run, so I can't go too hard on Saturday.

Food-wise, it's been OK. I haven't eaten too much junk, but I was probably a bit high on calories a few days. I was up a couple of pounds this week, so I have to keep that in check. And I might have to go back to journaling my food if my weight doesn't go back to where it was.

It's interesting, because at the beginning of this weight loss phase I used to get obsessive about weighing myself every day and journaling every morsel of food I put in my mouth. And the result was weight-loss, but I didn't always like the way I felt about myself because of that borderline obsessive behaviour. Now, I'm hardly journaling at all, yet still weighing myself daily, and I'm not feeling as obsessive. I actually feel quite happy about where I am, regardless of what the scales say. The harsh reality is that I haven't been losing weight as consistently as I had been in the past. I've kind of hit a plateau. I think I might just have to maintain, though, for the next four weeks until my race is over. Since my mileage is starting to get up there, dieting is starting to get a bit hard. So, I'll stay where I am for now and hope not to re-gain any weight.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

So, THAT's what it looks like!!

I just got home from seeing an exhibit at the Science Centre called Bodyworlds 2. It's an exhibit of human bodies, body parts and organs that have been preserved through plasticization.

It was a fascinating exhibit and interesting to see all the muscles, tendons and nerves that I am oh so aware of during a long run or bike ride. Damned piriformis!! There you are, you devil, you! How the heck am I supposed to stretch out something that's so far inside my freaking butt?? Oh, sciatic nerve... you're a nasty little bugger! Don't laugh, hamstrings & iliotibial band! I saw you both, too!

I tried not to look at their faces as that kind of freaked me out a bit - made me realize that these are real human bodies - people! - who had been preserved. I'm not being very eloquent in my description of this exhibit because the word fascinating is the only one I can come up with.

As an athlete, I found it quite helpful to be able to "see" the parts of my body that give me trouble. Being able to visualize my problem areas makes it a bit easier to deal with them.

***

I talked with my friend LT on the phone for almost 90 minutes today. This is the friend from my run club that I've gotten to know a bit better recently. I'm still not sure if I have any kind of romantic feelings toward him, but we had a good conversation. Most of it was superficial talk about Olympics and such, but the reason he actually called me was because of something I had said to him in an e-mail on Friday that worried him.

I shared with him a parable about a frog. Apparently, if you boil water and throw a frog in it will leap out on instinct of self-preservation. But if you put a frog in cold water and then turn up the heat, the frog won't ever jump out and eventually boil to death. I told him that I am like the frog. He got a little freaked out about this story because he's quite sensitive, especially where animals are concerned. All he could think about was this poor frog, boiled to death.

I reassured him that it was a parable and that it was meant to be read symbolically, not literally. Anyway, what I was trying to tell him is that if he (or anyone) pushes me too far or turns up the heat too quickly, I will jump out of the pot and hide under a rock.

AND, I'm still not even sure if he is someone I even want to get into hot water with!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Saturday

It was bitterly cold this morning. -11C with a wind chill of -25. Brrr! Of course, I had a group run planned for this morning. Of course! Grrr (brrr).

I set my alarm for 5AM because I wanted to watch the men's Super G on TV. I draged my ass outa bed, turned on the TV and lay on the couch. After 17 skiers, the Canadian guys were sitting 2nd and 3rd. Rock on! There were still some big names to come, but still. Anyway, they ended up postponing the race because of weather and decided to re-start it a few hours later. So, my 5AM wake-up was totally wasted as I had to leave at 8AM and the race hadn't started yet. Grrr.

We left the city at 8AM to drive out to Burlington to run. The wind was howling, so I was not optimistic about the warmth of the clothes I had selected. It was quite cold at the beginning. I had to pull my fingers out of my gloves and hold them in a fist inside the palm of the glove to keep them warm. But as soon as we got onto the winding road in a residential neighbourhood, the wind disappeared and it was lovely. The sun was shining and I was dressed perfectly.

We ran just over 23K and it took us 2:35. The last 7K were hard because it started to get windy again and I also was feeling some weird back pain. It was like a side stitch, but it was in my back. It eventually went away, but it was quite painful at the time. By then, my left leg was also bugging me as my hamstrings had started to seize up in the cold. I'm feeling OK now, but it's still a bit tender.

I spent the rest of the day vegging on the couch watching Olympics. I'm not into napping - my down time usually consists of lying on the couch, channel surfing. In fact, I'm watching Bobsleigh right now.

I don't think we won any medals today. We won a Gold and a Silver in men's Skeleton yesterday - what a freaking CRAZY sport!! Head first on a sled at 100 kph! CRAZY! I think I'd prefer to try Luge.

Speaking of crazy sports, how about Snowboardcross!! Like roller derby on snow boards! I think we won a bronze in that after both Canadian women wiped out in the final (one of them managed to get back on her board). The American girl totally lost it, though - she had a huge lead going into the final 20m of the race and on the final jump was showing off by taking big air, crashed and lost the Gold! How embarassing! I'll bet she's pissed!

The Next Big Thing is the Canada/Sweden Women's Hockey Gold Medal Game on Monday at 2:30PM. 2:30PM??? Don't they know some of us have to work?? Sheesh!! I think I'll have to (cough) go home (sneeze) early on Monday. Either that or convince my boss and some other co-workers to head to a pub to watch it.

***

I don't think I've journaled any food in the last two weeks. My weight is OK - it's up about 2 pounds from my Lowest Weight Ever that was recorded on February 10, but that's not a huge amount. I think I'm PMS right now, so it could be that. But if I don't see the number going back down I'll have to get back on the Nutridiary bandwagon.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Non-Valentine's Day

I got V-day wishes from two guys today. Both married. I got a cryptic V-day message from a single guy I know, but I wasn't sure what he meant by it. Something about how people celebrate V-day in Korea. Neither of us is Korean. And although nice, he's not someone that I am even mildly interested in.

My on-line running friend and I had a great e-chat today. I think we've come to agreement on what is (or rather, is not) going on between the two of us. The good thing is that I still have a great friend and we still have this mutual admiration thing going on. As I said to him today, people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I'm not sure which category we fit into, but I'm not going to question it right now. As long as we can continue our harmless flirting (which, at this time, is boosting both of our self-confidence), then I'm OK with that.

It's still a little sad, though, because he said some really nice and positive things about me. Why is it that the ones who aren't in a position to get involved with you are your biggest fans? I've got enough married "suitors", thank-you-very-much!

The next part of my V-day was spent with my friend LT who helped me pick out tile for my new condo. I got a call late Sunday from the RE Agent saying that if I wanted them to install tiles for me, I'd have to deliver them this week. LT and I had been having a conversation about how strong, independant women like me need to ask guys for help every once in a while. So, when he offered to come with me, I took him up on the offer. My car is now filled with 120 square feet of porcelain tile for my kitchen and powder room. It must weight 400 pounds (not a word of a lie), so my car is riding a little low and doesn't have much pick-up. I'll drop it off tomorrow morning. The powder room tiles are beige(ish) and the kitchen tiles are a slate grayish/green. I think they'll be nice.

LT is another guy from my run club whom I've gotten to know a lot better in the last couple of months. We've actually known each other for almost seven years, but he's kind of faded in and out of the group a bit over that time. He flirts with me shamelessly, too - except that he is actually single. We're about the same age (he's nine months older) and have had some really great conversations lately, but I'm not really physically attracted to him and he's also a bit too high strung for me (cannot sit still for 30 seconds). I really don't see anything developing there.

Tonight, I went to my running clinic and we did a speed workout. Well, they did a speed workout; I just did a slightly up-tempo run. I have my killer hill workout tomorrow night, so I wanted to save something for that.

So, that is how I spent my V-day. Nothing romantic at all, but not a bad day. Actually, the worst part of my day was getting an e-mail from my mum saying that she didn't put any cinnamon hearts in the mail to me this year. She said the cost of the postage was more than the cost of the candy! So sad.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Just a quick update

It's a gorgeous, cold sunny day here. I met BG for a run at 8:30 and we ran 21.3K in 2:30. It felt mostly effortless, although the last 3-4K are always tough. I think that's a little slow, but we did have a few stoplights, so that could be why.

My DVD player seems to be on the fritz. I rented Elizabethtown last night and couldn't get it to play. The screen just kept showing "Now Reading" and would never actually play. After fighting with it for 30 minutes I finally decided to give up. Then I remembered that I could actually watch it on my laptop, so that's what I did.

It was a charming little movie with a really great soundtrack (as all Cameron Crowe movies are - except Vanilla Sky, which just sucked). I quite enjoyed it.

Today, I'm wathing Olympics on TV. We won another medal today - a bronze in the women's 3,000m speed skating (Cindy Klassen). That adds to the gold we won yesterday in women's moguls (Jennifer Heil). Go, Canada!!

Next up: more house cleaning! I had workout-interruptus yesterday (long, boring story about my bike), so I spent the day cleaning instead. I still have to give the kitchen a good cleaning, change my bedsheets and tidy up my bedroom.

I'll probably go to the gym after work tomorrow before my tri club meeting. Tuesday and Wednesday I have my running clinics (but won't be doing two back-to-back hard workouts like I did two weeks ago). We're having a launch/social for our new triathlon club on Thursday. That makes for a pretty full week!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Lowest weight EVAH!!

Oh yes, girls and boys, La posted her lowest weight EVAH this morning: 165.2lbs! Woo! The other day, I had posted a 166.2, which was the lowest weight that I had been back in December, so I finally was able to re-lose the weight I gained over the holidays (only took me eight bloody weeks! Bah!). But today, I made my way into uncharted territory.

If my normal weight fluctuations are at all predictable, I full expect that I will see a few days of increase before I see another decrease, but I'm OK with that. I'm just happy to be making progress. Yea, me!

I had a good but brutal workout today. I went to the gym at lunch (hadn't been in two weeks - gah!) and planned to do 30 minutes on the elliptical, followed by some core and stretching. Well, I got on the machine and started "pedaling" away. All was good for the first 20 minutes. I got into a groove with my tunes but started to see that my HR was creeping upwards. I had been maintaining around 150 (which is a good hard tempo for me) and then it started to creep up towards 160. At about the 22 or 23 minute mark all of a sudden I hit the wall and had to scale the intensity way back. I went at a lower intensity for the last 2-3 minutes of my program and then did the full 5-minute cool down (but my HR would only go down to about 135, which is high for a cool-down). Even when doing my hamstring curls with the ball I could feel my heart beating in my chest.

I suspect that I might be getting sick. I'm feeling that little scratchiness in my throat that is indicative of a pending cold. I've been sucking on zinc, taking my Vitamin C, drinking lots of fluids and also took some ASA this evening. I'll know better in the morning whether this is going to be a real cold or not.

***

I did laundry after work today and on the drive home I started to feel a little down. I was thinking about how happy I was this morning about my new lowest weight. I was also thinking about how happy I am with myself and what I've been able to accomplish physically as well as in other aspects of my life. I'm relishing the new sense of self-confidence I have recently acquired. And I was thinking about some of the very flattering and remarkable things that people (virtual strangers, really) have said about me (and to me) recently.

So why am I sad? Well, with all these great things in my life, I am asking myself why don't I have the one thing - the ONLY thing - I really feel is missing: love and companionship? And why am I choosing to focus on the one incomplete part of my life instead of all the great things? So, part of my sadness is in the fact that I am dwelling on the negatives instead of celebrating the positives.

I'm sure it's just a small phase that will pass in due time, but it really has me perplexed (and mildly sidelined emotionaly) right now. And with all the pending Valentines-related stuff going on this weekend and into Tuesday, I'm much more sensitive to it.

It's also somewhat compounded by the fact that I have struck up a friendship with a guy with whom a relationship isn't possible right now. And I know that our flirty friendship isn't really good for me (since it isn't going to lead anywhere, at least not in the forseable future), but I'm having a hard time putting an end to it. Or rather, redefining it and not letting myself get too wrapped up in it. But it is working for me on some level, which is why I am not able to end it. I like the attention. I like the flirting. It's the only thing like that that I do have right now. If I give that up, then I have nothing (in that area of my life). And to be clear, I don't want to end the friendship; I just want to be able to extracate myself from the emotional attachment I have created towards him. That's not an easy thing to do.

Anyway, that's where I am right now: Happy, sad and maybe getting sick.

Edit: Oh, one other thing I forgot to mention... One of the conversations I had with said "friend" today was about my inability to get a date. He said, "I guess that must be tough for Ironmen since you're so busy with your training and have so little spare time." I replied that this was not, in fact, true. As an example, I said that I had just been out to dinner with 13 other triathletes (four of us training for Ironman this year), so we do have time and will make time for a social life amidsts our busy training schedules. But I also told him that there is a general perception among those who don't do what I do that I am just so incredibly busy and over-scheduled that I couldn't possibly find time to date or have a relationship, which is entirely not true.

I kind of equated it to the same syndrome that the most popular girl in school suffered from: none but the cockiest of guys asked her out because they all thought she was out of their league and would never agree to go out with a guy like him. So, Miss Popular was left at home on a Saturday night, dateless.

I kind of feel that way myself a lot of the time. People have this perception and impression of who I am (as evident by some of the overwhelmingly positive feedback I've had recently) and to some people that is intimidating. I can't for the life of me figure out why. I mean, I'm just a dork who puts up a good front. I want my confident appearance to put people at ease, not scare them away or make them feel uncomfortable around me. I am perplexed (and clearly, quite full of myself - ha!).

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

All time low!

Well, I am happy to report that I again weighed in at an all time low of 166.2lbs this morning. That matched my previous low on December 15, 2005. So, all of my holiday weight gain is now GONE!

However, that does not mean that I'll keep going down as I tend to post some small (and sometimes not-so-small) gains in the days after a new low.

Regardless, I'll take it!

Getting ready to head out for an 8K run.

Oh, and I have to make a shameless plug: My friend Cheryl is going to be on 0prah tomorrow!!!! She lost 100 pounds and they're doing a follow up show on her as she used W1nona Judd as her inspiration to lose the weight. Anyway, I'll be glued to my TV tomorrow afternoon! I've actually never met Cheryl, but she is a member of my on-line running club/discussion board, so I feel like I know her as well as I know any of my (oh so limited) readership. So watch the show! It's going to be soooooo cooool!!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Week Ahead

I just got in from my hill workout. We did 6 hills this evening, but the total distance of the workout (6.8K) was far less than we did last week (10.1K) as we had a much shorter warm-up and cool-down run.

The run felt really good. I kept an even pace through each of the hills and was able to maintain my intensity througout the entire workout.

I've fallen off the food journaling bandwagon. I haven't recorded much since lunch on Friday. From what I can tell, I did pretty well yesterday and today, so I'm not too worried. I probably should continue to log, though, just so that things don't get out of hand.

I'm still at this weight plateau that ranges between a low of 166-ish and a high of 168-ish. Wednesdays seem to be my lowest weight days, although I'm not quite sure why. I was at 166.8 this morning, so hopefully I'll be a little lower tomorrow (since that's the day I report into the weight loss thread on my running forum). I'd love to be closer to 160. I just feel like I haven't made much progress in the last few weeks.

That said, I have two pairs of pants I bought recently that are actually feeling a bit baggy. So, maybe my body is just doing that repositioning of fat and muscle. My legs (especially my quads) feel as solid as tree trunks and I feel very strong, so I'm happy about that. I'm just really frustrated by all the abdominal and back fat I have that doesn't seem to want to go away.

I might have to change things up a bit in terms of the balance of carbs, protein and fat and pay more attention to that balance on a daily basis, rather than simply on the total number of calories consumed.

The plans for the rest of this week are:

Run tomorrow night, probably about 8K at an easy-ish pace. I'll see how I feel. I definitely won't be doing another hard workout like I did last week.

Thursday: I'll probably get off work early and then I have to take my bike back into the shop. I hope I can figure out a time to get a workout in because I have a meeting for my tri club at 5:30 and then a dinner out with some friends at 7:00. Hmmm, might have to skip my workout on Thursday.

Friday: I'm planning on swimming, but as I always do with swimming, I usually make a last-minute decision. I don't think I have any plans for Friday night, but that's just as well because I have a busy workout day on Saturday.

Wait!! OMG, I totally know what I'm doing on Friday - watching the first night of the Olympics!! I LOVE the Olympics!! I have to check out the TV schedule so that I know when the good stuff is on. I'm going to be out all day Saturday, so I hope I don't miss anything good!

My long run for this weekend is scheduled for 22K. Yowsa! That's the longest run I've done since late October. It'll be fine.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Oh, my aching...

Yesterday: did 2:15 on my trainer with a group. Lots of hill climbing, so my quads and glutes were burning by the end.

Met up with some friends for dinner & drinks last night. After three margaritas, we headed to another pub where I had one more beer. I didn't get home until after 1AM, so it was close to 1:30 before my head hit the pillow.

I had already arranged with BG, my running partner (who was out with our group partying last night), that we would meet at 9:30 instead of 8:30 for our 20K run. Here I was thinking that the extra hour of sleep would make a difference. Ha!

Today: I slept until about 3:30AM when I had to get up to pee. After that, I tossed and turned until about 6:30AM when I was fully wide awake. I managed to stay in bed (although awake) until about 7:30AM. I then got up, had breakfast and waited around until it was time to go running.

It's insanely windy here today. We were supposed to get a storm overnight, but all it turned into was very high winds and rain, not the 10-15cm of snow they had predicted. I think areas outside the city got hammered, but we were spared (thanks to Lake Ontario! Woo!).

BG and I did an out-and-back route, intentionally running into the wind so that we'd have it at our backs on the way back. At some points it was quite comical as we did our best Marcel Marceau impersonations of "man walking/running into the wind". At one point, a gust came off the lake that was so strong that it actually picked up all 195 pounds of him and slammed him against me! It was quite comical. By the time we were getting to the last 5K I started to feel my quads and glutes from yesterday's workout. I was perfectly fine energy-wise, it was just muscle fatigue that got the best of me. I was very thankful when I finished the run that the washroom at the store had one of those handicapped bars next to the toilet because I wouldn't have been able to lower myself onto the seat otherwise! Or get back up, for that matter!

I'm now about to make some meat sauce for lasagne. Mmmmmm. Might invite myself over to CL/KL's for dinner with lasagne in hand. If not, it will just be me and a big ol' pan of meat, cheese and pasta! And I'm not saying that's a bad thing...

Go Steelers!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Flirting

I am the first person to admit that I am a horrible flirt. And I mean that I am bad at it. I don't know how to do it. I can't always tell if someone is doing it with me, I don't know how to respond to it, and I can't tell if they're flirting with/without intent. I also get scared that flirting will lead me down a path with someone that I am not comfortable going.

I decided that I better educate myself in the art of flirting. The weird thing is, I didn't go about it in the way I normally learn how to do a thing. Normally, I go out and buy a book and study everything I can about a subject. And to be honest, I have perused through the self-help aisle in the bookstore and glanced through a few "Flirting for Dummies"-type books. They all seemed a little contrived to me.

So, how did I educate myself, you ask? Well, I just went out there and took advantage of some flirting opportunities and just went with them!

The first one started with a running friend of mine. We had been e-mailing about some stuff and next thing I knew, there was this full-on flirting happening. And the flirting continued when we saw each other in person, which was a big new step for me. Usually, I would cower when confronted with real live flirting, but for some reason this time I just allowed myself to go with it. Now, I don't think this flirting will lead to anything because I'm not particularly attracted to this guy and I don't think we'd really be compatible, but the flirtatious exchange is a lot of fun and good practice.

The next one kind of came out of the blue. There's always been a lot of innocent banter on the running discussion board I am on. I think I wrote about the flirting that started with one of the guys in a recent entry. Well, things have kind of escaled from there because now we've taken our communication off-line and are bantering back and forth quite a bit during the day. The funny thing is, he works right across the street from me so we were even joking about being able to wave to each other from our windows. We're actually going to see each other at a group meeting on Saturday night, so it will be interesting to see how things pan out in person. It's easy to flirt from behind the relative safety (and anonimity) of your keyboard, but a whole other thing to do it in person. He said he'd be late getting there, so I'll be nice and relaxed after having had a few beverages (but not too many!).

Anyway, I'm not looking at either of these things as anything more than some innocent flirting and giving me some practice in a much needed skill.

The other by-product of this flirting has been an increase in confidence. I've actually had a lot of feedback lately from people (both male and female) who have noticed it. In fact, I've even noticed it. I'm not 100% sure where it's coming from, but I'll take it!

I think part of it came when I finally got to a point where I was able to release some of my hangups about my weight and how my body looks. It was almost like magic that as soon as I did that, that the burden I was previously carrying was replaced by confidence. I fully admitted/disclosed my weight. I ran around in my bathing suit. I stopped making apologies for my size. And in return, I really started to like and appreciate the person I've worked so hard to become.

People always say that the biggest turn on is self-confidence. I'm going to keep trying to put that one to the test.

***

On the exercise front, I am totally bagged. Rule #1 of training: don't do hard workouts on back-to-back days. The quality of both workouts suffers and you just end up tired and prone to injury and sickness. In fact, I started to feel a bit of a scratchiness in my throat this afternoon. I bought some zinc lozenges at the drug store, so hopefully that will help to nip this in the bud.

Last night's workout was a 2x10-min tempo run. We did a 2.75K warm up (17:07), followed by some drills/strides. We then did a 5-min out-and-back, where we had to run at 85% effort for five minutes, then turn around and run back at the same level of effort (thereby being 10 minutes in total). The goal was to get back to where you started, which would indicate an equal pace for the return lap. We then got 2 minutes rest before doing it all over again. I managed to get to the same turnaround point the second time around, which meant that I was able to hold my pace on the second set. I think I covered about 950m on the way out and another 950m on the way back (twice). So, including the warm-up and cool down run, I ran a total of about 9.4K.

I had planned to ride my bike tonight because I took Monday as a rest day, but I am just so bagged from my last two days' workouts that I'm taking the night off. I'm going to swim after work with CL tomorrow.

I have an appointment with my AT at 7AM tomorrow, which will be good. Hmmm, I better go shave my legs! Ha ha.