Thursday, November 26, 2009

And... Scene!

I have a few things to report on:

Date with S:
S called me on Sunday to see if I wanted to get together that evening. He suggested a movie. We went to see Pirate Radio. The movie was good, the date fell a bit flat. After an OK first date, I just didn’t feel like we made a connection, or took our conversation to the next level. We parted with a promise to get together again, but I really don’t think that will happen. Next.

Dinner with R:
Yes, my Ex, R. We’d exchanged a few e-mail over the last couple of weeks. I mentioned that I had some DVDs of his to return. He suggested we get together and Thursday was the night that worked best for us. Things were fine, and not at all awkward. I got a little teary at the restaurant when we started to talk about why things hadn’t worked out between us. He mentioned that, in most cases, he’d always re-dated the same women a couple of times – I’m not sure if he mentioned that because he thought that he and I would try to rekindle things, but I came to realize that it’s part of his MO. The other part of that MO is being the Knight in Shining Armour who comes to the rescue of all the women in his life. Honestly, I don’t want (or need) that from him.

We continued talking on the drive home and in the car in front of my place, most of that I spent in tears. But they were not tears of sadness for him specifically. They were more tears of frustration, because having been in a relationship with him, I’m now much more clear on what I’m looking for in a partner and a relationship (some of that I did get from him, but some of it was what was missing in our relationship). I’m also afraid that I’ve now set the bar unrealistically high and that there can’t possibly be anyone out there who will fit that bill. And I’m not even talking about “picky” stuff like looks, height, occupation, income, etc. I’m talking about fundamental character traits, as well as being in synch with respect to what we want out of life and in our relationship. Big stuff.

So, on the one hand I am happy that I know exactly what I want (so that when I find it, I’ll know it’s right); but on the other hand, I fear that it’s not realistically achievable.

Group Date Event #2:
Last night I went on my second (and final) group date. This one was a bit different: three tables of men and women, with the men rotating between tables at the end of each course. That worked well (better than speed dating) because it was long enough to actually have a conversation with someone, but not so long that if you didn’t click with the people at your table, you didn’t have to spend the entire night with them.

I had an interesting conversation with a guy named B. I wasn’t attracted to him, but he was pleasant to talk to. Heck, he even managed to convince me to let him take my resting pulse rate (on my wrist) when talking about the fact that I am a runner. And that was before dinner – when I’d only met him 10 minutes earlier! Anyway, the question he asked me at dinner (based on the fact that I’d told him how I was involved in running and triathlon groups and had a fairly wide social circle from that) was, “So why are you here at this event, then?” Hmmm, that’s a good question! My answer to him was that I was hoping to branch out my social/dating circle since most of the men I knew through running/tri were either attached or just friends. But to be honest, it really made me think about what I thought I was going to get out of an event like this. It became clear that most of the other people at the event didn’t have large social circles. Some of them only go to the dinners so that they can try out new places to eat and meet people since they don’t have much of a social circle of their own. And to be quite frank, some of them (mostly the men) were socially awkward/introverted to the point where they needed the practice in how to interact with people. OK, fine. But I didn’t pay $70 per event to be someone to help someone else come out of their shell! Maybe that’s harsh, but when I’m paying for a service, I kind of expect to get something out of it.

The organizer sent an e-mail this morning asking how the event was and to provide them with my feedback. This is what I wrote:
=====================================================
- Hostesses were good
- Evening/logistics flowed well
- Like that we had assigned seating to ensure alternating men/women at the table
- Location was great, food was great, service was great
- Mix of people was good

Overall, my experience was pleasant, but I doubt that I’ll attend another of your events. Although everyone I met at both events were nice, I found the men (in particular) to be a bit socially awkward/introverted and I found little in common with any of them. For the cost of the two-dinner package I bought, I didn’t see any real value as it appeared to just be a group of people thrown together, with the only commonality being in the same age range. I’ve honestly had much better connections with people I’ve met through on-line dating sites, at a considerably lower cost.
========================================================

So, that’s it for now! I have no other prospects or social events on the horizon. My trip to Vegas is in a little over a week, but that’s with a group of friends (two couples and two other guys, both of whom are married).

Monday, November 16, 2009

"S" Date Report

I met S on Friday night at a local pub. I got there first, he arrived about five minutes later. He looked pretty much like his on-line photo (cute and bald). He was pretty short (but not "deal-breaker" short) - the same height as I am.

He was nice, personable, though a little reserved. Conversation was fine, though it didn't flow effortlessly.

The date lasted two hours (and 1.5 pints of Kilkenny for me) and then we parted ways. He asked if I'd like to get together again and I said yes. Honestly, if I never hear from him again I won't be disappointed. I agreed to go out a second time because I like to give people a second chance since first meetings can be awkward, but I didn't really feel an instant connection/attraction to him.

Next up: Group Date #2 on November 25. This one is a "rotational" dinner, so the men change tables every course. That way I'll meet twelve men in total - not quite as bad as speed dating.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Date Night

Alright, back on the dating horse again. This one's name is S. He's 43. He does web design for a large newspaper. He lives close by, though not in my exact neighbourhood. From his profile, he looks cute (and bald!). He's a bit on the short side (5'8") but that's not a deal breaker for me.

We're meeting for a drink at a local pub this evening (key people know where we're meeting, so all is safe).

Stay tuned for details...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Hey, here's a suggestion for you...

I sent my feedback to the Dinnerworks people. Here is their response:

"I have a suggestion for you, if you are interested, I do a personal consultation for $150 which allows me to get to know you. I then have a better idea of what it is that you are looking for and then I can do one of two things, I can direct you to the right dinner or get a gentleman to attend a dinner that you are attending that might be suitable, the other thing I can do is see if there is a match for you with someone I am currently working with.

I forgot to mention that I do personal matchmaking, and I have a lot of men clients that don't attend dinners but might be suitable for you,.

The charge is for my time."

Really? You forgot to mention that you offer that service? Go figure! That makes everything so much better for me now. Sure, I'll send you another $150 on top of the $140 I've already paid to attend one of your dinners (where I still have to pay for my meal). What the heck was that fee for if not for some kind of assurance that the event would be suitable to me?

Whatever.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Group Dating

You know how on The Bachelor/Bachelorette they go on these "group dates"? Well, I always thought that was a little weird; I mean, five girls/guys all vying for the attention of one guy/girl... seems odd, creepy, frustrating, and contrived to me.

Well, that's a bit how last night's dinner felt: weird.

My understanding of how the evening would go would be that we'd meet in the bar of the restaurant, have a drink, then be seated at our table when everyone had arrived. I was late getting there (traffic coming from downtown). I hate being late. I don't like other people who are late and I am rarely late myself. I get stressed when I am late. So, I guess it's my own darned fault then that everyone was already seated at the table when I arrived.

At first it looked like the table was full and that there wasn't even a seat for me (my stomach sank just a bit there), but then the "hostess" got up and gave me her seat (she leaves when dinner starts). I'd also been told that this would be a dinner for eight (four men, four women). Well, there were actually 10 people at dinner (including me), five men/women, but we were seated at a table that would have even been a stretch for eight, let alone 10. I was seated at the end of the table (way to stand out in the crowd - being late and being seated at the head of the table) as there were four people on each side and one on each end of the table.

Now, I'm no math whiz, but with an even number of men and women you'd think they'd figure out to arrange the seating as boy/girl around the table. No, there were two cases of men sitting next to men and women sitting next to women. But being that there were 10 people at the table, the conversation sort of developed into five against five, with my "five" consisting of three women and two men. There was no way to have a conversation with anyone at the other end of the table.

Not that I really wanted to. Upon arriving, a quick scan of my dining companions had me realize that there wasn't anyone who even remotely interested me. Conversations were fine, but the woman on the right of me tended to dominate my fivesome (almost "perform" - she was a wannabe actress with a larger-than-her-own-life personality). The guy on my left was pretty quiet, though personable (though he could have at least made a bit more of an effort than wearing jeans and a plaid shirt). There was one other woman and another man within conversational distance from me, and they were both pleasant.

So, would I do it again? Well, I kind of have to since I've paid for one more of these dinners. But I will contact the organizers beforehand to give them my feedback on how last night went to make sure that I get placed in a more suitable group next time.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Took the Plunge!

I signed up for Dinnerworks. Holy carp, it's not cheap! I bought a two-dinner package for $139 (plus GST) and that doesn't include the dinner! I think I get one free drink with that.

Anyway, I think I might be attending my first event next Tuesday the 13th. I just have to hear back from them. There are a fair number of events coming up, so if not this one, then another one. The key for me is the age range - I don't always have a lot in common with people my own age: no kids, more physically active than most, etc.

But, I'm just trying to "do a different thing" in the hopes of achieving a different outcome.

Stay tuned...

Friday, October 02, 2009

Blocked!

I sent a note to a guy on PoF. Nothing weird, just saying Hi. I'm pretty sure I saw it in my outbox after I sent it, but then when I went back it was gone. Weird.

So, I re-sent the message (with a p.s. joking that I wasn't a stalker for sending the same message more than once) and got the following message:

YOU HAVE BEEN BLOCKED BY THIS USER

Um, oh, OK. Am I that offensive that I need to be blocked??

The ironic thing is that in his profile he wrote:

"I was born and raised in a small town - [city], NB - and was taught that smiling and saying "Hello!" to people was the right thing to do. [...] I still like being gregarious, but it seems people have lost that loving feeling in the Big Smoke. No?"

I'll say!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

You know what bugs me?

When I sign my name in an e-mail and someone replies to that e-mail misspelling my name!!! It's SIX letters - why can't you get the last two right? Is it that hard? Sheesh!

Yes, I'm in a pissy mood.

Dry Spell

I have to admit that I haven't been actively pursuing the dating thing lately. I did send one message last week to a guy who looked interesting, but he read it and never reponded. Oh well.

I've received a few e-mails lately (2-3), but none of them were from guys who interested me. I got one today and he seemed OK, so I replied. He's a bit young (39), but that's not a deal-breaker. I'm sure you can hear the enthusiasm in my "voice."

Anyway, as much as I am still interested in dating, I'm really not motivated to waste my time going on lots of first dates with guys that I know I'm not really into. I know from past experience that it's all about numbers and the more guys I go out with, the better chance I'll have in meeting someone whom I click with.

I'm just kind of feeling "meh" about the whole thing right now.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

"Death" of a Salesman

Since Holly asked...

The date with K last Friday night was fine. We spent most of the evening "talking about the weather" so I didn't really get much info out of him. He was nice enough, attractive enough, but I don't think he's really my type.

He's what I call a "salesman." Whether or not he actually works in sales is irrelevant. I define the "salesman" as follows: someone who will do/say whatever it takes to a) get what he wants, b) make you agree with him, c) get/take something from you, d) put a positive/appealing spin on something negative (usually to justify something or sell something), etc. I don't trust them; I always feel like I am being manipulated by them. I feel like they aren't telling me the truth; they are telling me what they think I want to hear (so that I will give them what they want).

And dating a "salesman" is the worst, because the thing they are trying to sell you is themselves! And they have this way of talking about themselves without actually giving up anything of value. They rarely ask you questions (I had to volunteer most information about myself, which I'm usually quite forthcoming with anyway).

So, we ended the date with a hug and a nice to meet you and a let's get together again. But I have yet to hear from him, so whatever. L said to me that K was probably waiting for me to contact him. I said that I wasn't feeling particularly motivated to contact him because I didn't really care if I saw him again.

I am back at square one with no prospects on the horizon. Though to be honest I haven't been on-line in a while, so I really shouldn't complain.

Oh, I've had messages from a few guys, but none of them were interesting to me. One guy who was really into cooking and wine (and seemed to have a lot of contempt for people who go to the gym) sent me a message proposing that we get together to cook. I politely replied that I prefer to be the cook and not share my kitchen space with anyone (I get along best with people who like to eat and clean). I suggested that we were likely too much alike (with respect to cooking) to be compatible. He replied, "Oh, that's a new one: we're too compatible so therefore we shouldn't meet." Um, no, that's not what I said (and e-mailed him back to tell him that). But being another "salesman" he had to reply why he thought my logic was wrong and why he was right.

Yeah, I just deleted that message.

Here's a piece of advice for on-line dating: If you e-mail a guy to tell him that you're not interested, resist the temptation to reply to him if he writes back trying to convince you otherwise.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Long time no date!

The dating scene has been a bit thin for me lately. I've communicated by e-mail and on the phone with a couple of guys, but not much else than that.

I have not heard from A1 since our dinner last week. I also haven't heard from C, the guy I talked to on the phone last Friday afternoon. I did send him an e-mail today to see how things are.

That said, I do have a date tonight with K. His profile says he's 51 and 5'8". I fully expect him to be 55 and 5'6". LOL. Anyway, I'm going ahead with it and trying to keep an open mind.

I was saying to my friend L that I have a bit of a mental hurdle with 50. My dad died at 51 (and in my mind he will forever be that age), so it's hard for me to consider dating guys who are that age (and older). However, I do have a good friend, D, who just turned 51 and he is active, youthful, and fun - not at all like my dad was at that age.

I was also telling L that I already know I am going to have a hard time turning 50 (not to mention 51). I hated turning 30 (depressed for two years before and three years after). I LOVED turning 40! My 40s have been awesome! I don't really know why I'm dreading 50 so much! Still over four years away, so lots of time to adjust.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

"What do you want?"

That's the question R asked me when we met this morning. I think he was asking it on multiple levels.

I left there with somewhat of a better sense of it (or maybe a confirmation of what I already knew). I also left there with a better sense of who I wanted it with. Or rather, who I didn't want it with: I really don't think I want it with him anymore.

I think I agree with him when he said that we were just too different. I told him what I needed from my partner (that he had not been giving me), and I don't think he's capable of doing that. Or for me to give him what he needs.

I didn't get a satisfactory answer to the "what happened?" question, but I guess I didn't really expect to.

Now don't get me wrong... there are things in me that R was able to bring out and uncover that I don't know if someone else would have been able to do. I guess I just need to focus on that - the gift that he gave me - rather than being sad about the part that the two of us could not make it work. And to be honest, I still do put much of that blame on him because he checked out (and never discussed things with me) long before I officially ended it. He also gave me a few lines today that I think are total BS, but whatever.

But getting back to the question of who I do/don't want it with, I'm pretty sure I don't want it with A1. Even though he was very understanding when I told him that I wanted to take things slowly, I still don't think he gets it. And I don't think that I can see myself falling for him at some point in the future. I guess I just have to tell him that.

So, I guess I do feel better having seen him and talked to him, even though I didn't necessarily get the resolution I was looking for. I think I was able to reclaim my heart, and that's all I really wanted.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

More to follow

R and I had a bit of an e-mail exchange on Friday. I told him I was frustrated by the fact that he blew me off on Thursday and only called me late that night. I said I thought he at least owed me the courtesy of following up on my request to get together. He replied, "You broke up with me, said you never wanted to talk to me again... and I owe you?"

Ouch.

OK. Fair enough. I didn't want to get into all the crap that led up to me doing that last month, prefering to wait until we got together to talk. I also didn't want to antagonize him, thereby making him shut down and be unwilling to talk to me.

He called me this afternoon to confirm for tomorrow. 11AM at Starbucks. Details to follow...

On a related note, I had date #2 with A1 last night (who should probably just be called A from now on since A2 is likely out of the picture). We had a nice time. He's a very sweet guy, very attentive and will make someone a great boyfriend - I just don't know that it will be me. I was honest with him and told him that I was still reeling a bit from my breakup with R and that I wasn't looking to get involved in anything serious. He said that was fine and that he would just let me take the lead with where we go from here. See... great guy. I just don't know if I'm into him. Though, he did lose points when he went in for the wet sloppy kiss again after walking me to my car. Yeeeesh.

I also spoke on the phone yesterday with C. Turns out he's a former colleague of a very good friend and running partner of mine (CL). So of course I had to text CL to get her opinion on him. She said: Nice guy, really cute, not macho. Whatever that means. Hopefully I'll hear from him next week (he's away for the weekend) and we'll get a chance to meet. Oh, and he also lives in my neighbourhood. Jeez, maybe I should stop dating guys from my 'hood for fear that I'll run into them at inappropriate times!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Not what I needed

Well, I caved and called R on Tuesday morning. I'm not sure what possessed me to do that, but it was something I felt I needed to do. I called him at 7:30AM. It rang three times and went to voice mail. I can't even remember what I said in my message other than, "I'm not really sure why I'm calling you."

He called me back within about 10 minutes. We talked about nothing to start, but then we talked about other things, too. I asked him if he was free this week to get together. He suggested Thursday; I said that worked for me.

The rest of Tuesday, Wednesday and most of today (Thursday) I had been contemplating what I wanted to get out of this meeting/talk. I decided that my main goal was to take my heart back (so that I could ultimately give it to someone else). But I wasn't really sure how I was going to do that. I still have so many unanswered questions where he is concerned - questions that I feel only he can answer. My main one being, How did we go from talking about dreams and houses and families, to not talking at all within the span of a couple of weeks?

Anyway, around 1PM today I sent him an e-mail to see if he was still available to get together tonight. As of a few minutes ago (9:15PM) I hadn't heard from him so I poured myself another glass of wine. I decided to check my work e-mail. He replied to my note at 6:15PM saying that he was still on the boat and would call me later. Um, yeah, OK.

This is exactly what he did in the week leading up to our breakup; I tried to make plans with him and he'd get "busy" doing something else, leaving me hanging. So. Not. Cool. What kind of person behaves that way?? To me, that behaviour says, You are not important to me. And to top it all off, (in the past) he's tried to make it look/sound like I am the one being unreasonable where this is concerned, trying to pin him down to a timetable over which he has no control.

Anyway, I haven't decided what I am going to do/say if/when he actually calls me. I reeeeeeally want to be able to move on, regardless of whether we ever get a chance to talk. I'm just not sure how I am going to do that.

ETA: He called me at 10. Some whole excuse about a problem with his boat, blah-blah-blah. Anyway, the latest status is that he is going to call me on Sunday (since we're both busy between now and then). I'm not holding my breath.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Oh, and...

Seeing your ex's profile pop up (and on-line) on the dating site you met on doesn't help things, either.

Nothing new

I have nothing new to report in my dating life since Thursday night's date. I gave my number to a guy named C, but he hasn't called. I have also communicated on-line with another guy (K) but I don't know if it will go anywhere. I did relax my standards a bit with K since he is [gasp!] over 50! Actually, I think he's 50 or 51. OMG, that sounds so old to me! But then again, 45 sounds old, but I don't feel that old.

I'm also having thoughts about contacting R again. After the sighting last Thursday I haven't been able to get him off my mind. I really just want to talk. I have questions I want answered. Mostly I want to do this because I don't want to make the same mistakes in the future. And I need it so that I can (hopefully) get the closure I need so that I can move on.

I dunno.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

A2 Date Report

Where to begin...

A2 told me on the phone the other night that he has a thing about shaking hands when meeting for a first date (um, OK). He said it's like a "sign" to everyone in the restaurant that you are on a first/blind date. He also said he'd call me from the restaurant so that we could easily find each other. Fine.

I get to the restaurant at the appointed time (6:30). He's not there. I wait a few minutes, then decide to call him. I mistakenly call A1 (since their numbers are sequential alphabetically in my cell phone). I manage to hang up before A1 answers. Phew. I call A2 and he says he's walking up the street. I see him and go over to say Hi. He looks pretty much the same as his photo - no surprises (positive or negative). We sit on the patio and order drinks. A while later the waitress comes over to take our dinner order and I say that we haven't had a chance to look at the menus yet. I pick mine up, but he doesn't. He then says that he's already eaten dinner (huh? I thought we were meeting for dinner??) but to go ahead and order something if I wanted. Um, no, I don't think I will (feigned some excuse about not being hungry since I snacked on crap all day long, which is true).

The conversation was fine. He didn't give up much personal info about himself, even though I asked. He also didn't ask me much about me (which is Litmus Test #3, and how I can tell whether I think a guy is into me).

We are sitting on the patio, which is on the side of the restaurant. The restaurant is on the main street in my neighbourhood, so the patio is along the side street that feeds onto the main street. It's a one-way street going north. I am facing north, sitting right on the edge of the patio. About an hour into our date I notice a familiar car: It's R (my ex). He is driving north on the side street, then makes a right-hand turn onto the main street, in the direction of where he lives. Wow - that's my first R sighting post-breakup. My heart sinks a little, but I manage to keep it together.

About 20 minutes later, A2 gets up to go to the bathroom (he's already paid the bill). I am sitting there by myself and guess who drives by AGAIN??? Yeah. This time instead of turning right (towards where he lives), he turns left (heading downtown). Now, unless you know my neighbourhood, where R lives, and how the one-way streets and dead-ends are configured, you'll have to accept my word that I can't see any reason why he'd be driving up that street a second time within a 20-minute timeframe, unless he had done it deliberately.

In the meantime, I check my cell while A2 is in the bathroom and notice that A1 has called and left me a message. I guess he saw that I called his cell earlier. I haven't called him back (nor have I listened to the message). I'm not in any hurry. We communicated a bit by e-mail today and he asked if I wanted to get together next week. It looks like we'll have date #2 on Friday. I think I'll need to have The Talk with him that night, though.

Anyway, back to A2. We parted with a "thanks for the drink it was nice meeting you" but that was it. He's a bit too anal and rigid for my taste. I don't think we share similar values, so I really don't see any point in seeing him again. I seriously doubt I will hear from him again, anyway. I don't consider it a waste of my time because every guy I go out with brings me closer to the one I'm meant to be with.

So, onto the next prospects...

Litmus Test

I have a couple of litmus tests (LT) I use to help me know whether I am into a guy or not:

1) How do I feel as soon as I get a call/e-mail/text from the guy? Do I get excited? Am I all happy? Do I want to reply right away? If yes, then I'm into him.

2) How do I feel about the prospect of seeing him, or even running into him unexpectedly?

On those two litmus tests, I'd have to say that I am NOT really into A1. Last night during my run I was actually dreading the thought that I could bump into him as I was running in our neighbourhood. Every time I saw a guy walking a dog I thought, "Is that him?" On LT#1, I didn't reply to his text right away, and in fact as I'm writing this post an e-mail from him came through and I'm not in any big hurry to read it!

So, that tells me a lot about how I feel about him. I'm not quite sure if my lack of interest is because of him specifically, or if it's due to the realization I had the other night that I'm not ready to get into another relationship (ready to date - yes; relationship - no).

Anyway, off to read his e-mail now...

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

A1 Date Report

Since you asked...

We met at the restaurant. I got there right at 7:30 and he was already waiting outside. We recognized each other right away. There was a line-up, but he had already put us on the waiting list for a table.

I looked pretty good - dress, high heels, hair blowed dry (after my spin workout, I needed to!). He was dressed more casually (shirt, jeans, sandals).

Since we had to wait a few minutes for our table I took him over to see my new car (since he'd asked me how it was), which was only 1/2 block away. By the time we got to the restaurant, we only had to wait a few more minutes for our table.

Conversation was good. He's nice, personable, showed interest in me, etc. I found him fairly attractive, but I wouldn't say that I was instantly physically attracted to him.

After dinner I offered to drive him home (so that he could hear my awesome stereo - LOL). We drove the long way around so that we could hear the best part of the song (Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who). I pulled up in front of his place and then it happened: he went in for the kiss.

I was dreading this part because although I liked him, I really wasn't feeling like kissing him (and certainly not as passionately as he wanted to kiss me). I have to learn to say no in situations like that and not worry about hurting the guy's feelings. Anyway, he's not a very good kisser (at least not the way I like to be kissed). He said he'd like to see me again and I said yes, that would be nice.

After he got out of the car, my initial reaction was one of disappointment. I wasn't disappointed in him, but I was disappointed that he moved so quickly. I wanted to have the opportunity to build up some anticipation for a first kiss. Now that's gone.

He sent me a text last night, about an hour after I got home (had a nice time, want to see you again, etc.). I didn't reply for two reasons: 1) I just wasn't in the mood to reply, and 2) because I don't have a QWETRY phone and I hate having "conversations" via text (I prefer e-mail for that). So I sent him an e-mail this morning (telling him that). We've now exchanged real e-mail addresses.

He's going away for the weekend and I'm busy the next two nights, so I suggested he contact me when he gets back.

When I got home last night (before I'd received the text) I poured myself a glass of wine and talked to my friend, L, on the phone. He's my best friend and is my "dating coach" of sorts. He knows me really well and I trust his judgement. As we were talking and he was giving me his thoughts I started to cry. At first he said, "Are you listening to me or watching TV?" I squeaked out, "No, I'm crying." I realized in talking things through with L that I still have some unresolved issues about R and how our relationship ended. I'm still a little gunshy and not ready to get into another relationship right away. I guess that's good news (for me, since I figured it out now rather than later), but it's still hard.

So, onto my next First Date with A2 tomorrow night. I've also connected with another guy on-line "C". I gave him my number but told him that I have limited availability to talk between now and Saturday as I'm out every evening. We'll see how that goes.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Are two dates better than one?

HV referenced "The Book" in one of her posts. I have also read "The Book" and mostly agree with the stuff the author is saying. One of the tips is to date up to three guys at the same time.

At first I was resistant to the idea, but I gave it a try. It wasn't as tough/weird as I thought it would be (though I did have to keep track of their names/details so that I didn't get them all mixed up - not quite a spreadsheet, but close!). The idea is not to put all your emotional eggs in one basket and to take your time to get to know lots of guys. Eventually, some of them will drop off and others will start to rise to the top. Now that I'm back in the dating game after a brief hiaitus, I'm trying to apply the same approach. The only thing I'm unsure of is how much to tell each of the guys about my dating plans. I want to be honest, but I also don't want to turn them off, either. I also don't want any of them to feel that they are in competition with each other (a la Bachelorette).

I have two dates set up for this week, plus I'm communicating with a third guy(though it hasn't gotten past the e-mail stage yet):

The date with A1 is tonight. We are meeting for dinner. I spoke with A2 on the phone last night. He called while I was driving my new car, so I asked if I could call him back once I got home. Our conversation was good, but we didn't connect quite as well as A1 and I did. A2 is a cop and is a little bit jaded (I think), having been exposed to some of the worst aspects of society/humanity. I am a much more optimistic and positive person. You could argue that I need someone more realistic than I am to balance out my (sometimes naive) enthusiasm, but don't want someone to dampen it too much.

When A1 and I were communicating by e-mail last week I told him about my planned trip to Vegas in December and he'd joked about asking to come with me in any capacity (pool boy, drink valet, lotion applier). So, when he called the other day, the first thing he said on the phone as, "Hello, I'm applying for the position of Towel Wrangler for you in Las Vegas." LOL. I like that kind of attitude.

Fire, Air and Water: I am a fire sign (Saggitarius). We tend to get along well with other fire signs (Aries, Leo). We also get along fairly well with air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) who do a good job of "fanning our flames" as long as they don't "blow out the fire." Water (Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio) and Earth (Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus) tend to put our fire out.

A1 is a Gemini. A2 is a Cancer. Based solely on the one conversation I've had with each of them so far, I'd say that the Air/Water description I gave above is pretty accurate. I'll know for sure once I've met them both.

Monday, August 31, 2009

First Date

So, I officially have a first date in Round Two of my dating exploits. A1 called me yesterday afternoon and we talked for over an hour. We're meeting for dinner tomorrow night in our neighbourhood.

We hit it off quite well on the phone. We never ran out of things to talk about and we probably could have talked for another hour if I hadn't ended it by saying that I had to go make dinner (which I didn't - I really wanted to get back to following the IMC racers on-line). Besides, I didn't want to waste all our conversation and have nothing left to talk about on Tuesday.

On paper, things look good: he's my age (6 months older), lives in my neighbourhood, likes to cook, is a good conversationalist, etc. I guess the only thing up in the air is whether we have any physical chemistry. From his photo he seems to be my type (bald, taller than me, not skinny), though he does have a goatee and I'm really not big on facial hair.

We are meeting at the restaurant tomorrow. I hope I remember what he looks like! Though I'm pretty easy tp pick out of a crowd, so he'll likely spot me before I spot him.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Numbers Game

You'd think the odds would be in our favour: a quick search on PoF shows 393 women in the Toronto area between 36 and 46. When doing a search for men in that same age group, there are over 600!! 40 pages of profiles to scroll through!

In the age range I am searching for (42-48) there are 585 men and 177 women. Those are pretty good odds!

What does that say? That men are more likely to do on-line dating than women? That men are more likely to sign up for free sites such as PoF?

Interesting.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

More on Profiles

OK, I know I'm a bit of a spelling/grammar N@zi, but sometimes a person's bad spelling makes for an unintentionally funny headline. How about this:

"Do you have the lips of an angle? I am looking for a woman how has the kiss of an Angle."

Um, what kind of angle? Right angle? Acute angle? More like obtuse angle. LOL

"love's music playing guitar like's going too movie's specialy drive in at port hope (love it!)enjoy's soccer, the beach, and nice drive's in the country."

"Nobody reads this stuff anyway's. Ask me and I'll tell you. Picture's on request."


Enough with the apostrophes!!! Argh!

"i can give you a diatribe of who i am but that might be mundane. however it's probably better to get to the cruz of who i am and what makes me tick.

Diatribe? Are you really that self-critical and bitter? Cruz? That just sounds gross! At least he used "mundane" correctly.

Then of course there's ALL CAPS GUY, or cAP lOCKS iMPAIRED gUY. Or _./'\._ .•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•._./'\._*•. .•* •. .•*/.•*•.\ •¤**¤•.•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•. /.•*•.\ whatever the heck THAT means! And even Emoticon Guy (dancing bananas, rock hands, dancing smiley, etc.).

Other words/phrases that turn me off:

Class/classy (shudder)
Lady/Ladies (honestly, I'd prefer Gal/Girl to Lady!)
Someone to complete me (gag)

The list is long... I guess that's why I haven't found anyone yet. LOL

Profiles

I'm always interested in reading other people's profiles. Especially women, because I like to see how they present themselves. I wonder what types of profiles get more hits than others. I'm sure that the photo has a LOT to do with it. But what kids of user names and headlines (that show up ahead of the profiles) attract guys the most?

This is what people will see when I show up on a search on PoF (the photo at the left here on my blog is the photo I use). Comments are welcome (I can take it - I think):

Kitchen goddess!
"Totally normal and cool; not a whack-job." - that's what my best friend Leo says about me. I'm young looking (35, not 45), young-at-heart (25, not 45), great smile, awesome cook, fit, great friend, Toronto Ontario

To see the rest of my profile they have to click on my username or photo. PoF only shows the first X number of characters in your profile, without line breaks, so how much shows is up to them, not you.

Is this sending a compelling intro? Would a guy want to click on that link?

Update: So, the two guys I am communicating with right now both have names starting with A, so I will name them A1 and A2.

A1: 46, Gemini, lives near me. We have plans to get together on Tuesday. We chatted quite a bit on-line yesterday afternoon. He sounds nice, has a good sense of humour, and I think we'll get along. He works in the telecom industry and made a comment about having "computer geekery" skills (he's helping a friend buy and set up a computer today), but I don't really know what he does.

A2: 47, (profile says 44, but he fessed up to this in our first e-mail), Cancer. This is the one I spoke about in my last post. We had connected many months ago, but then lost touch, then I started seeing R, then he contacted me again. He replied to my message yesterday and said he's be open to talking and getting together. He's a cop. I think he's in Vice because he made a comment about how he only meets prostitutes and lawyers in his line of work. He plays the guitar. He's working nights this week and then has the week off starting Monday, so he has my number and will call when he can.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Bad form?

Back in the spring I was chatting with a few guys on line, setting up dates, etc. I met this guy (rockstar) and we seemed to hit it off on-line, but never met in person (he dropped off for a bit). Then I met R and we started dating. I got an e-mail from rockstar (while R and I were still together) trying to re-connect. I replied saying that I was seeing someone.

So, I am now back on the market. I didn't go looking for rockstar deliberately, but when I was on-line today he came up in my search (as did a few others guys I'd corresponded with) and was active as recently as today. I thought, what the heck - drop him a line to let him know that you're interested in meeting him. So I did.

Is that bad form (or just weird)?

BTW, I haven't heard from A yet (the one who suggested we get together on Tuesday) even though I can see that he's been on-line recently and has read my message.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

All the cool kids are doing it...

So, I haven't posted here in a while. I have another private/personal journal I write in, as well as a great on-line running forum that I post on that meets most of the needs that writing a public blog fulfilled.

But I thought I'd start things up again since a few of my friends have started blogs recently. The common theme among them is a sort of "Adventures in Internet-Datingland" approach. So here goes my contribution to that...

I guess the first important piece of information is that I recently broke up with someone that I'd been seeing for a few months. We met on-line. I had been "dating" lots of guys at that point, but when I met R I knew that there was something different about him. He was the 9th of 10 guys I went out with in a 12-month period - hardly a prolific dating life, but it had gotten more active in the first few months of 2009.

I'm not sure really what happened to cause the breakup. Even though our relationship was short-lived, it was pretty intense and we'd started to make plans for our future together. We just seemed to fit really well. But then I started to feel him drifting away from me toward the beginning of July. Part of that was due to his work/travel schedule, as well as some traveling on my part. All of these were things that had been planned long before we met, so we knew that we just had to make it to mid-August before all our previously-scheduled commitments were over and we could spend more time together. But as I said, once July approached, he started to become distant and the time we spent apart was difficult to bridge. Finally, the week after I got back from Lake Placid (and many attempts to talk and resolve things), things became unbearable for me and I decided to end it. Other than a very heartfelt e-mail I sent him a few days later (and a very brief reply on his part) we have not spoken or seen each other since the first Monday in August. I don't plan on contacting him, and knowing him, he is unlikely to contact me (stubborn Scot that he is).

It doesn't seem like a lot of time has passed, but I really feel like I need to get back "out there" and resume dating. I still have a bit of bitterness over how things ended with R, but I believe that I can put that aside and give my full attention/effort (and eventually my heart) to someone new.

So here goes...

I'm back on PoF (free site), re-posted my profile on F-S (but haven't paid yet), and am also thinking of joining another site that matches based on chemistry (but it's expensive and I don't really want to pay for that right now).

Anyway, I've met one guy: A. He lives in my neighbourhood and he asked if I'd like to get together on Tuesday. I replied "yes" (this morning), but I haven't heard back from him yet. Details to follow...