So, I have a second date scheduled with M. We texted yesterday afternoon and he asked me to go skating on Saturday followed by dinner. I have mixed feelings about this:
- I'm happy to be going on a second date, skating is fun, dinner is fun. It will be good to see him again since that will give me a better sense of whether I am into him.
- He suggested cooking dinner for me at my place after skating, to which I replied, "Hmmm. Not sure about that" (because I'm not sure I want him to come over - I'm uncomfortable enough with the fact that he wants to pick me up, rather than just meeting there). Oh, and is it bad that when he texted: "Ceasar salad. Bruschetta. Pasta. Wine" my first thought was, "I don't like Ceasar salad."
- He's doing "all the right things" in how he is pursuing me.
- So far, I haven't felt any physical attraction to him. To answer Heather's question from my last post, it's not the fact that he is Chinese (culturally) that bothers me; I just don't find myself attracted to him. I suppose the fact that he is Chinese contributes to that, but it's not the main reason. I've found myself attracted to black guys and Indian guys in the past, but I don't think I've ever met an Asian guy who has turned me on. I have a few male Chinese and Japanese friends, and I've never been attracted to any of them.
- I'm worried, based on some comments he made while we were e-mailing (i.e., before we met), that he seems to be intent on pursuing me, and isn't interested in pursuing anyone else. I, on the other hand, want to keep things casual, keep my options open, go out with other guys, etc. For example, he was quite persistent in e-mailing me, even when I hadn't replied to one or two of his messages. I'd indicated that I was hesitent to date someone who had full custody of his kids and lived in Mississauga. Some things he's written:
"Obviously there is a mutual attraction or we wouldn't be at this point, so now to fill in some of the blanks to nudge you off the fence.....lol" [Um, where did he get the idea that there was mutual attraction?? Just because I replied to his e-mail doesn't imply attraction!]
"In a profile I had read sometime ago this person wrote, "the problem with POF is, that everyone is always looking for that one better." That thought has stuck with me for sometime now. I had to agree with that statement. There is so much choice out there on Pof that you get the feeling that the grass might just be a little greener with the next profile. I'll be honest, I've felt that way. I've had that What if feeling??? Well, I'd have to say I had that feeling up until the day I replied to your profile. I have no desire to seek greener pastures at the moment. At this point I'd say I've found a diamond in the rough so to speak. Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket just yet, heck we haven't even met yet, but I'd like to give this my best shot to get the opportunity to meet." [OK, this just scares me a little]
I guess I'm kind of feeling like the frog in the pot of hot water at the moment. I'm feeling under pressure to pursue and develop something that I'm just not sure is there for me, just because it is for him. I don't want to lead him on and have him spend all this money on me. I feel guilty about that.
So, I really don't know what to do. I will go skating on Saturday and try to be as open-minded as possible. But beyond that, I haven't a clue.
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2 comments:
My guess is he's the type of person who doesn't go on the first date, and definitely not the second date, and maybe not even send a message, unless you also feel some attraction. So, if he operates under that assumption, he might project it on to you and think that you wouldn't even be bothering to talk to him unless he feels somem attraction.
As for the second quote...eep. Yeah. A bit intense. My reaction would be to say "whoa" (but then, I often say "whoa" too much ;) ).
And, um, "diamond in the rough"?! Is he aiming to polish you? You don't need polishing! :p
Anyway, if you're worried about leading him on, it's only fair to let him know that while you're open to seeing how things go, you're not really on the same page just yet. He's clearly operating under the assumption that there's some mutual attraction, so honesty might be the best policy. It's not about his time or money invested - it's about his feelings. He's made it clear where he stands, it might be more fair to let him know where you are. As I said, not "no" but just "not the same page yet, but want to see where things go" type of thing.
I think it's ok to tell someone you don't like Caesar Salad. ;)
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