I have a couple of litmus tests (LT) I use to help me know whether I am into a guy or not:
1) How do I feel as soon as I get a call/e-mail/text from the guy? Do I get excited? Am I all happy? Do I want to reply right away? If yes, then I'm into him.
2) How do I feel about the prospect of seeing him, or even running into him unexpectedly?
On those two litmus tests, I'd have to say that I am NOT really into A1. Last night during my run I was actually dreading the thought that I could bump into him as I was running in our neighbourhood. Every time I saw a guy walking a dog I thought, "Is that him?" On LT#1, I didn't reply to his text right away, and in fact as I'm writing this post an e-mail from him came through and I'm not in any big hurry to read it!
So, that tells me a lot about how I feel about him. I'm not quite sure if my lack of interest is because of him specifically, or if it's due to the realization I had the other night that I'm not ready to get into another relationship (ready to date - yes; relationship - no).
Anyway, off to read his e-mail now...
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
A1 Date Report
Since you asked...
We met at the restaurant. I got there right at 7:30 and he was already waiting outside. We recognized each other right away. There was a line-up, but he had already put us on the waiting list for a table.
I looked pretty good - dress, high heels, hair blowed dry (after my spin workout, I needed to!). He was dressed more casually (shirt, jeans, sandals).
Since we had to wait a few minutes for our table I took him over to see my new car (since he'd asked me how it was), which was only 1/2 block away. By the time we got to the restaurant, we only had to wait a few more minutes for our table.
Conversation was good. He's nice, personable, showed interest in me, etc. I found him fairly attractive, but I wouldn't say that I was instantly physically attracted to him.
After dinner I offered to drive him home (so that he could hear my awesome stereo - LOL). We drove the long way around so that we could hear the best part of the song (Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who). I pulled up in front of his place and then it happened: he went in for the kiss.
I was dreading this part because although I liked him, I really wasn't feeling like kissing him (and certainly not as passionately as he wanted to kiss me). I have to learn to say no in situations like that and not worry about hurting the guy's feelings. Anyway, he's not a very good kisser (at least not the way I like to be kissed). He said he'd like to see me again and I said yes, that would be nice.
After he got out of the car, my initial reaction was one of disappointment. I wasn't disappointed in him, but I was disappointed that he moved so quickly. I wanted to have the opportunity to build up some anticipation for a first kiss. Now that's gone.
He sent me a text last night, about an hour after I got home (had a nice time, want to see you again, etc.). I didn't reply for two reasons: 1) I just wasn't in the mood to reply, and 2) because I don't have a QWETRY phone and I hate having "conversations" via text (I prefer e-mail for that). So I sent him an e-mail this morning (telling him that). We've now exchanged real e-mail addresses.
He's going away for the weekend and I'm busy the next two nights, so I suggested he contact me when he gets back.
When I got home last night (before I'd received the text) I poured myself a glass of wine and talked to my friend, L, on the phone. He's my best friend and is my "dating coach" of sorts. He knows me really well and I trust his judgement. As we were talking and he was giving me his thoughts I started to cry. At first he said, "Are you listening to me or watching TV?" I squeaked out, "No, I'm crying." I realized in talking things through with L that I still have some unresolved issues about R and how our relationship ended. I'm still a little gunshy and not ready to get into another relationship right away. I guess that's good news (for me, since I figured it out now rather than later), but it's still hard.
So, onto my next First Date with A2 tomorrow night. I've also connected with another guy on-line "C". I gave him my number but told him that I have limited availability to talk between now and Saturday as I'm out every evening. We'll see how that goes.
We met at the restaurant. I got there right at 7:30 and he was already waiting outside. We recognized each other right away. There was a line-up, but he had already put us on the waiting list for a table.
I looked pretty good - dress, high heels, hair blowed dry (after my spin workout, I needed to!). He was dressed more casually (shirt, jeans, sandals).
Since we had to wait a few minutes for our table I took him over to see my new car (since he'd asked me how it was), which was only 1/2 block away. By the time we got to the restaurant, we only had to wait a few more minutes for our table.
Conversation was good. He's nice, personable, showed interest in me, etc. I found him fairly attractive, but I wouldn't say that I was instantly physically attracted to him.
After dinner I offered to drive him home (so that he could hear my awesome stereo - LOL). We drove the long way around so that we could hear the best part of the song (Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who). I pulled up in front of his place and then it happened: he went in for the kiss.
I was dreading this part because although I liked him, I really wasn't feeling like kissing him (and certainly not as passionately as he wanted to kiss me). I have to learn to say no in situations like that and not worry about hurting the guy's feelings. Anyway, he's not a very good kisser (at least not the way I like to be kissed). He said he'd like to see me again and I said yes, that would be nice.
After he got out of the car, my initial reaction was one of disappointment. I wasn't disappointed in him, but I was disappointed that he moved so quickly. I wanted to have the opportunity to build up some anticipation for a first kiss. Now that's gone.
He sent me a text last night, about an hour after I got home (had a nice time, want to see you again, etc.). I didn't reply for two reasons: 1) I just wasn't in the mood to reply, and 2) because I don't have a QWETRY phone and I hate having "conversations" via text (I prefer e-mail for that). So I sent him an e-mail this morning (telling him that). We've now exchanged real e-mail addresses.
He's going away for the weekend and I'm busy the next two nights, so I suggested he contact me when he gets back.
When I got home last night (before I'd received the text) I poured myself a glass of wine and talked to my friend, L, on the phone. He's my best friend and is my "dating coach" of sorts. He knows me really well and I trust his judgement. As we were talking and he was giving me his thoughts I started to cry. At first he said, "Are you listening to me or watching TV?" I squeaked out, "No, I'm crying." I realized in talking things through with L that I still have some unresolved issues about R and how our relationship ended. I'm still a little gunshy and not ready to get into another relationship right away. I guess that's good news (for me, since I figured it out now rather than later), but it's still hard.
So, onto my next First Date with A2 tomorrow night. I've also connected with another guy on-line "C". I gave him my number but told him that I have limited availability to talk between now and Saturday as I'm out every evening. We'll see how that goes.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Are two dates better than one?
HV referenced "The Book" in one of her posts. I have also read "The Book" and mostly agree with the stuff the author is saying. One of the tips is to date up to three guys at the same time.
At first I was resistant to the idea, but I gave it a try. It wasn't as tough/weird as I thought it would be (though I did have to keep track of their names/details so that I didn't get them all mixed up - not quite a spreadsheet, but close!). The idea is not to put all your emotional eggs in one basket and to take your time to get to know lots of guys. Eventually, some of them will drop off and others will start to rise to the top. Now that I'm back in the dating game after a brief hiaitus, I'm trying to apply the same approach. The only thing I'm unsure of is how much to tell each of the guys about my dating plans. I want to be honest, but I also don't want to turn them off, either. I also don't want any of them to feel that they are in competition with each other (a la Bachelorette).
I have two dates set up for this week, plus I'm communicating with a third guy(though it hasn't gotten past the e-mail stage yet):
The date with A1 is tonight. We are meeting for dinner. I spoke with A2 on the phone last night. He called while I was driving my new car, so I asked if I could call him back once I got home. Our conversation was good, but we didn't connect quite as well as A1 and I did. A2 is a cop and is a little bit jaded (I think), having been exposed to some of the worst aspects of society/humanity. I am a much more optimistic and positive person. You could argue that I need someone more realistic than I am to balance out my (sometimes naive) enthusiasm, but don't want someone to dampen it too much.
When A1 and I were communicating by e-mail last week I told him about my planned trip to Vegas in December and he'd joked about asking to come with me in any capacity (pool boy, drink valet, lotion applier). So, when he called the other day, the first thing he said on the phone as, "Hello, I'm applying for the position of Towel Wrangler for you in Las Vegas." LOL. I like that kind of attitude.
Fire, Air and Water: I am a fire sign (Saggitarius). We tend to get along well with other fire signs (Aries, Leo). We also get along fairly well with air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) who do a good job of "fanning our flames" as long as they don't "blow out the fire." Water (Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio) and Earth (Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus) tend to put our fire out.
A1 is a Gemini. A2 is a Cancer. Based solely on the one conversation I've had with each of them so far, I'd say that the Air/Water description I gave above is pretty accurate. I'll know for sure once I've met them both.
At first I was resistant to the idea, but I gave it a try. It wasn't as tough/weird as I thought it would be (though I did have to keep track of their names/details so that I didn't get them all mixed up - not quite a spreadsheet, but close!). The idea is not to put all your emotional eggs in one basket and to take your time to get to know lots of guys. Eventually, some of them will drop off and others will start to rise to the top. Now that I'm back in the dating game after a brief hiaitus, I'm trying to apply the same approach. The only thing I'm unsure of is how much to tell each of the guys about my dating plans. I want to be honest, but I also don't want to turn them off, either. I also don't want any of them to feel that they are in competition with each other (a la Bachelorette).
I have two dates set up for this week, plus I'm communicating with a third guy(though it hasn't gotten past the e-mail stage yet):
The date with A1 is tonight. We are meeting for dinner. I spoke with A2 on the phone last night. He called while I was driving my new car, so I asked if I could call him back once I got home. Our conversation was good, but we didn't connect quite as well as A1 and I did. A2 is a cop and is a little bit jaded (I think), having been exposed to some of the worst aspects of society/humanity. I am a much more optimistic and positive person. You could argue that I need someone more realistic than I am to balance out my (sometimes naive) enthusiasm, but don't want someone to dampen it too much.
When A1 and I were communicating by e-mail last week I told him about my planned trip to Vegas in December and he'd joked about asking to come with me in any capacity (pool boy, drink valet, lotion applier). So, when he called the other day, the first thing he said on the phone as, "Hello, I'm applying for the position of Towel Wrangler for you in Las Vegas." LOL. I like that kind of attitude.
Fire, Air and Water: I am a fire sign (Saggitarius). We tend to get along well with other fire signs (Aries, Leo). We also get along fairly well with air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) who do a good job of "fanning our flames" as long as they don't "blow out the fire." Water (Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio) and Earth (Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus) tend to put our fire out.
A1 is a Gemini. A2 is a Cancer. Based solely on the one conversation I've had with each of them so far, I'd say that the Air/Water description I gave above is pretty accurate. I'll know for sure once I've met them both.
Monday, August 31, 2009
First Date
So, I officially have a first date in Round Two of my dating exploits. A1 called me yesterday afternoon and we talked for over an hour. We're meeting for dinner tomorrow night in our neighbourhood.
We hit it off quite well on the phone. We never ran out of things to talk about and we probably could have talked for another hour if I hadn't ended it by saying that I had to go make dinner (which I didn't - I really wanted to get back to following the IMC racers on-line). Besides, I didn't want to waste all our conversation and have nothing left to talk about on Tuesday.
On paper, things look good: he's my age (6 months older), lives in my neighbourhood, likes to cook, is a good conversationalist, etc. I guess the only thing up in the air is whether we have any physical chemistry. From his photo he seems to be my type (bald, taller than me, not skinny), though he does have a goatee and I'm really not big on facial hair.
We are meeting at the restaurant tomorrow. I hope I remember what he looks like! Though I'm pretty easy tp pick out of a crowd, so he'll likely spot me before I spot him.
We hit it off quite well on the phone. We never ran out of things to talk about and we probably could have talked for another hour if I hadn't ended it by saying that I had to go make dinner (which I didn't - I really wanted to get back to following the IMC racers on-line). Besides, I didn't want to waste all our conversation and have nothing left to talk about on Tuesday.
On paper, things look good: he's my age (6 months older), lives in my neighbourhood, likes to cook, is a good conversationalist, etc. I guess the only thing up in the air is whether we have any physical chemistry. From his photo he seems to be my type (bald, taller than me, not skinny), though he does have a goatee and I'm really not big on facial hair.
We are meeting at the restaurant tomorrow. I hope I remember what he looks like! Though I'm pretty easy tp pick out of a crowd, so he'll likely spot me before I spot him.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Numbers Game
You'd think the odds would be in our favour: a quick search on PoF shows 393 women in the Toronto area between 36 and 46. When doing a search for men in that same age group, there are over 600!! 40 pages of profiles to scroll through!
In the age range I am searching for (42-48) there are 585 men and 177 women. Those are pretty good odds!
What does that say? That men are more likely to do on-line dating than women? That men are more likely to sign up for free sites such as PoF?
Interesting.
In the age range I am searching for (42-48) there are 585 men and 177 women. Those are pretty good odds!
What does that say? That men are more likely to do on-line dating than women? That men are more likely to sign up for free sites such as PoF?
Interesting.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
More on Profiles
OK, I know I'm a bit of a spelling/grammar N@zi, but sometimes a person's bad spelling makes for an unintentionally funny headline. How about this:
"Do you have the lips of an angle? I am looking for a woman how has the kiss of an Angle."
Um, what kind of angle? Right angle? Acute angle? More like obtuse angle. LOL
"love's music playing guitar like's going too movie's specialy drive in at port hope (love it!)enjoy's soccer, the beach, and nice drive's in the country."
"Nobody reads this stuff anyway's. Ask me and I'll tell you. Picture's on request."
Enough with the apostrophes!!! Argh!
"i can give you a diatribe of who i am but that might be mundane. however it's probably better to get to the cruz of who i am and what makes me tick.
Diatribe? Are you really that self-critical and bitter? Cruz? That just sounds gross! At least he used "mundane" correctly.
Then of course there's ALL CAPS GUY, or cAP lOCKS iMPAIRED gUY. Or _./'\._ .•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•._./'\._*•. .•* •. .•*/.•*•.\ •¤**¤•.•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•. /.•*•.\ whatever the heck THAT means! And even Emoticon Guy (dancing bananas, rock hands, dancing smiley, etc.).
Other words/phrases that turn me off:
Class/classy (shudder)
Lady/Ladies (honestly, I'd prefer Gal/Girl to Lady!)
Someone to complete me (gag)
The list is long... I guess that's why I haven't found anyone yet. LOL
"Do you have the lips of an angle? I am looking for a woman how has the kiss of an Angle."
Um, what kind of angle? Right angle? Acute angle? More like obtuse angle. LOL
"love's music playing guitar like's going too movie's specialy drive in at port hope (love it!)enjoy's soccer, the beach, and nice drive's in the country."
"Nobody reads this stuff anyway's. Ask me and I'll tell you. Picture's on request."
Enough with the apostrophes!!! Argh!
"i can give you a diatribe of who i am but that might be mundane. however it's probably better to get to the cruz of who i am and what makes me tick.
Diatribe? Are you really that self-critical and bitter? Cruz? That just sounds gross! At least he used "mundane" correctly.
Then of course there's ALL CAPS GUY, or cAP lOCKS iMPAIRED gUY. Or _./'\._ .•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•._./'\._*•. .•* •. .•*/.•*•.\ •¤**¤•.•¤**¤•.•¤**¤•. /.•*•.\ whatever the heck THAT means! And even Emoticon Guy (dancing bananas, rock hands, dancing smiley, etc.).
Other words/phrases that turn me off:
Class/classy (shudder)
Lady/Ladies (honestly, I'd prefer Gal/Girl to Lady!)
Someone to complete me (gag)
The list is long... I guess that's why I haven't found anyone yet. LOL
Profiles
I'm always interested in reading other people's profiles. Especially women, because I like to see how they present themselves. I wonder what types of profiles get more hits than others. I'm sure that the photo has a LOT to do with it. But what kids of user names and headlines (that show up ahead of the profiles) attract guys the most?
This is what people will see when I show up on a search on PoF (the photo at the left here on my blog is the photo I use). Comments are welcome (I can take it - I think):
Kitchen goddess!
"Totally normal and cool; not a whack-job." - that's what my best friend Leo says about me. I'm young looking (35, not 45), young-at-heart (25, not 45), great smile, awesome cook, fit, great friend, Toronto Ontario
To see the rest of my profile they have to click on my username or photo. PoF only shows the first X number of characters in your profile, without line breaks, so how much shows is up to them, not you.
Is this sending a compelling intro? Would a guy want to click on that link?
Update: So, the two guys I am communicating with right now both have names starting with A, so I will name them A1 and A2.
A1: 46, Gemini, lives near me. We have plans to get together on Tuesday. We chatted quite a bit on-line yesterday afternoon. He sounds nice, has a good sense of humour, and I think we'll get along. He works in the telecom industry and made a comment about having "computer geekery" skills (he's helping a friend buy and set up a computer today), but I don't really know what he does.
A2: 47, (profile says 44, but he fessed up to this in our first e-mail), Cancer. This is the one I spoke about in my last post. We had connected many months ago, but then lost touch, then I started seeing R, then he contacted me again. He replied to my message yesterday and said he's be open to talking and getting together. He's a cop. I think he's in Vice because he made a comment about how he only meets prostitutes and lawyers in his line of work. He plays the guitar. He's working nights this week and then has the week off starting Monday, so he has my number and will call when he can.
This is what people will see when I show up on a search on PoF (the photo at the left here on my blog is the photo I use). Comments are welcome (I can take it - I think):
Kitchen goddess!
"Totally normal and cool; not a whack-job." - that's what my best friend Leo says about me. I'm young looking (35, not 45), young-at-heart (25, not 45), great smile, awesome cook, fit, great friend, Toronto Ontario
To see the rest of my profile they have to click on my username or photo. PoF only shows the first X number of characters in your profile, without line breaks, so how much shows is up to them, not you.
Is this sending a compelling intro? Would a guy want to click on that link?
Update: So, the two guys I am communicating with right now both have names starting with A, so I will name them A1 and A2.
A1: 46, Gemini, lives near me. We have plans to get together on Tuesday. We chatted quite a bit on-line yesterday afternoon. He sounds nice, has a good sense of humour, and I think we'll get along. He works in the telecom industry and made a comment about having "computer geekery" skills (he's helping a friend buy and set up a computer today), but I don't really know what he does.
A2: 47, (profile says 44, but he fessed up to this in our first e-mail), Cancer. This is the one I spoke about in my last post. We had connected many months ago, but then lost touch, then I started seeing R, then he contacted me again. He replied to my message yesterday and said he's be open to talking and getting together. He's a cop. I think he's in Vice because he made a comment about how he only meets prostitutes and lawyers in his line of work. He plays the guitar. He's working nights this week and then has the week off starting Monday, so he has my number and will call when he can.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Bad form?
Back in the spring I was chatting with a few guys on line, setting up dates, etc. I met this guy (rockstar) and we seemed to hit it off on-line, but never met in person (he dropped off for a bit). Then I met R and we started dating. I got an e-mail from rockstar (while R and I were still together) trying to re-connect. I replied saying that I was seeing someone.
So, I am now back on the market. I didn't go looking for rockstar deliberately, but when I was on-line today he came up in my search (as did a few others guys I'd corresponded with) and was active as recently as today. I thought, what the heck - drop him a line to let him know that you're interested in meeting him. So I did.
Is that bad form (or just weird)?
BTW, I haven't heard from A yet (the one who suggested we get together on Tuesday) even though I can see that he's been on-line recently and has read my message.
So, I am now back on the market. I didn't go looking for rockstar deliberately, but when I was on-line today he came up in my search (as did a few others guys I'd corresponded with) and was active as recently as today. I thought, what the heck - drop him a line to let him know that you're interested in meeting him. So I did.
Is that bad form (or just weird)?
BTW, I haven't heard from A yet (the one who suggested we get together on Tuesday) even though I can see that he's been on-line recently and has read my message.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
All the cool kids are doing it...
So, I haven't posted here in a while. I have another private/personal journal I write in, as well as a great on-line running forum that I post on that meets most of the needs that writing a public blog fulfilled.
But I thought I'd start things up again since a few of my friends have started blogs recently. The common theme among them is a sort of "Adventures in Internet-Datingland" approach. So here goes my contribution to that...
I guess the first important piece of information is that I recently broke up with someone that I'd been seeing for a few months. We met on-line. I had been "dating" lots of guys at that point, but when I met R I knew that there was something different about him. He was the 9th of 10 guys I went out with in a 12-month period - hardly a prolific dating life, but it had gotten more active in the first few months of 2009.
I'm not sure really what happened to cause the breakup. Even though our relationship was short-lived, it was pretty intense and we'd started to make plans for our future together. We just seemed to fit really well. But then I started to feel him drifting away from me toward the beginning of July. Part of that was due to his work/travel schedule, as well as some traveling on my part. All of these were things that had been planned long before we met, so we knew that we just had to make it to mid-August before all our previously-scheduled commitments were over and we could spend more time together. But as I said, once July approached, he started to become distant and the time we spent apart was difficult to bridge. Finally, the week after I got back from Lake Placid (and many attempts to talk and resolve things), things became unbearable for me and I decided to end it. Other than a very heartfelt e-mail I sent him a few days later (and a very brief reply on his part) we have not spoken or seen each other since the first Monday in August. I don't plan on contacting him, and knowing him, he is unlikely to contact me (stubborn Scot that he is).
It doesn't seem like a lot of time has passed, but I really feel like I need to get back "out there" and resume dating. I still have a bit of bitterness over how things ended with R, but I believe that I can put that aside and give my full attention/effort (and eventually my heart) to someone new.
So here goes...
I'm back on PoF (free site), re-posted my profile on F-S (but haven't paid yet), and am also thinking of joining another site that matches based on chemistry (but it's expensive and I don't really want to pay for that right now).
Anyway, I've met one guy: A. He lives in my neighbourhood and he asked if I'd like to get together on Tuesday. I replied "yes" (this morning), but I haven't heard back from him yet. Details to follow...
But I thought I'd start things up again since a few of my friends have started blogs recently. The common theme among them is a sort of "Adventures in Internet-Datingland" approach. So here goes my contribution to that...
I guess the first important piece of information is that I recently broke up with someone that I'd been seeing for a few months. We met on-line. I had been "dating" lots of guys at that point, but when I met R I knew that there was something different about him. He was the 9th of 10 guys I went out with in a 12-month period - hardly a prolific dating life, but it had gotten more active in the first few months of 2009.
I'm not sure really what happened to cause the breakup. Even though our relationship was short-lived, it was pretty intense and we'd started to make plans for our future together. We just seemed to fit really well. But then I started to feel him drifting away from me toward the beginning of July. Part of that was due to his work/travel schedule, as well as some traveling on my part. All of these were things that had been planned long before we met, so we knew that we just had to make it to mid-August before all our previously-scheduled commitments were over and we could spend more time together. But as I said, once July approached, he started to become distant and the time we spent apart was difficult to bridge. Finally, the week after I got back from Lake Placid (and many attempts to talk and resolve things), things became unbearable for me and I decided to end it. Other than a very heartfelt e-mail I sent him a few days later (and a very brief reply on his part) we have not spoken or seen each other since the first Monday in August. I don't plan on contacting him, and knowing him, he is unlikely to contact me (stubborn Scot that he is).
It doesn't seem like a lot of time has passed, but I really feel like I need to get back "out there" and resume dating. I still have a bit of bitterness over how things ended with R, but I believe that I can put that aside and give my full attention/effort (and eventually my heart) to someone new.
So here goes...
I'm back on PoF (free site), re-posted my profile on F-S (but haven't paid yet), and am also thinking of joining another site that matches based on chemistry (but it's expensive and I don't really want to pay for that right now).
Anyway, I've met one guy: A. He lives in my neighbourhood and he asked if I'd like to get together on Tuesday. I replied "yes" (this morning), but I haven't heard back from him yet. Details to follow...
Monday, April 14, 2008
Majorca!
I'm just back from my cycling trip to Majorca! What a paradise that is! There were more bikes than cars on the road. Sea, mountains, farmland... you couldn't ask for anything more! I rode 511 kms in 6 days. My two longest rides were 105K and 113K. Lots and lots of climbing!The weather was cool, especially at the start of the rides in the morining, but got up to about 20-22C by the afternoon. Perfect riding weather. Mostly sunny, though we did have two overcast days. Luckily, no rain until late Saturday afternoon (and I wasn't riding then).
This is the sunrise over the Mediterranean the first morning we arrived. This was the view from my balcony. Gorgeous!
We had one rest day mid-week, so we took the bus into Palma, which is the main city, about an hour away from where we were staying in Alcudia.
I ate like a pig while I was there, but it was worth it.
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