You know what bugs me?

When I sign my name in an e-mail and someone replies to that e-mail misspelling my name!!! It's SIX letters - why can't you get the last two right? Is it that hard? Sheesh!

Yes, I'm in a pissy mood.

Dry Spell

I have to admit that I haven't been actively pursuing the dating thing lately. I did send one message last week to a guy who looked interesting, but he read it and never reponded. Oh well.

I've received a few e-mails lately (2-3), but none of them were from guys who interested me. I got one today and he seemed OK, so I replied. He's a bit young (39), but that's not a deal-breaker. I'm sure you can hear the enthusiasm in my "voice."

Anyway, as much as I am still interested in dating, I'm really not motivated to waste my time going on lots of first dates with guys that I know I'm not really into. I know from past experience that it's all about numbers and the more guys I go out with, the better chance I'll have in meeting someone whom I click with.

I'm just kind of feeling "meh" about the whole thing right now.

"Death" of a Salesman

Since Holly asked...

The date with K last Friday night was fine. We spent most of the evening "talking about the weather" so I didn't really get much info out of him. He was nice enough, attractive enough, but I don't think he's really my type.

He's what I call a "salesman." Whether or not he actually works in sales is irrelevant. I define the "salesman" as follows: someone who will do/say whatever it takes to a) get what he wants, b) make you agree with him, c) get/take something from you, d) put a positive/appealing spin on something negative (usually to justify something or sell something), etc. I don't trust them; I always feel like I am being manipulated by them. I feel like they aren't telling me the truth; they are telling me what they think I want to hear (so that I will give them what they want).

And dating a "salesman" is the worst, because the thing they are trying to sell you is themselves! And they have this way of talking about themselves without actually giving up anything of value. They rarely ask you questions (I had to volunteer most information about myself, which I'm usually quite forthcoming with anyway).

So, we ended the date with a hug and a nice to meet you and a let's get together again. But I have yet to hear from him, so whatever. L said to me that K was probably waiting for me to contact him. I said that I wasn't feeling particularly motivated to contact him because I didn't really care if I saw him again.

I am back at square one with no prospects on the horizon. Though to be honest I haven't been on-line in a while, so I really shouldn't complain.

Oh, I've had messages from a few guys, but none of them were interesting to me. One guy who was really into cooking and wine (and seemed to have a lot of contempt for people who go to the gym) sent me a message proposing that we get together to cook. I politely replied that I prefer to be the cook and not share my kitchen space with anyone (I get along best with people who like to eat and clean). I suggested that we were likely too much alike (with respect to cooking) to be compatible. He replied, "Oh, that's a new one: we're too compatible so therefore we shouldn't meet." Um, no, that's not what I said (and e-mailed him back to tell him that). But being another "salesman" he had to reply why he thought my logic was wrong and why he was right.

Yeah, I just deleted that message.

Here's a piece of advice for on-line dating: If you e-mail a guy to tell him that you're not interested, resist the temptation to reply to him if he writes back trying to convince you otherwise.

Long time no date!

The dating scene has been a bit thin for me lately. I've communicated by e-mail and on the phone with a couple of guys, but not much else than that.

I have not heard from A1 since our dinner last week. I also haven't heard from C, the guy I talked to on the phone last Friday afternoon. I did send him an e-mail today to see how things are.

That said, I do have a date tonight with K. His profile says he's 51 and 5'8". I fully expect him to be 55 and 5'6". LOL. Anyway, I'm going ahead with it and trying to keep an open mind.

I was saying to my friend L that I have a bit of a mental hurdle with 50. My dad died at 51 (and in my mind he will forever be that age), so it's hard for me to consider dating guys who are that age (and older). However, I do have a good friend, D, who just turned 51 and he is active, youthful, and fun - not at all like my dad was at that age.

I was also telling L that I already know I am going to have a hard time turning 50 (not to mention 51). I hated turning 30 (depressed for two years before and three years after). I LOVED turning 40! My 40s have been awesome! I don't really know why I'm dreading 50 so much! Still over four years away, so lots of time to adjust.

"What do you want?"

That's the question R asked me when we met this morning. I think he was asking it on multiple levels.

I left there with somewhat of a better sense of it (or maybe a confirmation of what I already knew). I also left there with a better sense of who I wanted it with. Or rather, who I didn't want it with: I really don't think I want it with him anymore.

I think I agree with him when he said that we were just too different. I told him what I needed from my partner (that he had not been giving me), and I don't think he's capable of doing that. Or for me to give him what he needs.

I didn't get a satisfactory answer to the "what happened?" question, but I guess I didn't really expect to.

Now don't get me wrong... there are things in me that R was able to bring out and uncover that I don't know if someone else would have been able to do. I guess I just need to focus on that - the gift that he gave me - rather than being sad about the part that the two of us could not make it work. And to be honest, I still do put much of that blame on him because he checked out (and never discussed things with me) long before I officially ended it. He also gave me a few lines today that I think are total BS, but whatever.

But getting back to the question of who I do/don't want it with, I'm pretty sure I don't want it with A1. Even though he was very understanding when I told him that I wanted to take things slowly, I still don't think he gets it. And I don't think that I can see myself falling for him at some point in the future. I guess I just have to tell him that.

So, I guess I do feel better having seen him and talked to him, even though I didn't necessarily get the resolution I was looking for. I think I was able to reclaim my heart, and that's all I really wanted.

More to follow

R and I had a bit of an e-mail exchange on Friday. I told him I was frustrated by the fact that he blew me off on Thursday and only called me late that night. I said I thought he at least owed me the courtesy of following up on my request to get together. He replied, "You broke up with me, said you never wanted to talk to me again... and I owe you?"

Ouch.

OK. Fair enough. I didn't want to get into all the crap that led up to me doing that last month, prefering to wait until we got together to talk. I also didn't want to antagonize him, thereby making him shut down and be unwilling to talk to me.

He called me this afternoon to confirm for tomorrow. 11AM at Starbucks. Details to follow...

On a related note, I had date #2 with A1 last night (who should probably just be called A from now on since A2 is likely out of the picture). We had a nice time. He's a very sweet guy, very attentive and will make someone a great boyfriend - I just don't know that it will be me. I was honest with him and told him that I was still reeling a bit from my breakup with R and that I wasn't looking to get involved in anything serious. He said that was fine and that he would just let me take the lead with where we go from here. See... great guy. I just don't know if I'm into him. Though, he did lose points when he went in for the wet sloppy kiss again after walking me to my car. Yeeeesh.

I also spoke on the phone yesterday with C. Turns out he's a former colleague of a very good friend and running partner of mine (CL). So of course I had to text CL to get her opinion on him. She said: Nice guy, really cute, not macho. Whatever that means. Hopefully I'll hear from him next week (he's away for the weekend) and we'll get a chance to meet. Oh, and he also lives in my neighbourhood. Jeez, maybe I should stop dating guys from my 'hood for fear that I'll run into them at inappropriate times!

Not what I needed

Well, I caved and called R on Tuesday morning. I'm not sure what possessed me to do that, but it was something I felt I needed to do. I called him at 7:30AM. It rang three times and went to voice mail. I can't even remember what I said in my message other than, "I'm not really sure why I'm calling you."

He called me back within about 10 minutes. We talked about nothing to start, but then we talked about other things, too. I asked him if he was free this week to get together. He suggested Thursday; I said that worked for me.

The rest of Tuesday, Wednesday and most of today (Thursday) I had been contemplating what I wanted to get out of this meeting/talk. I decided that my main goal was to take my heart back (so that I could ultimately give it to someone else). But I wasn't really sure how I was going to do that. I still have so many unanswered questions where he is concerned - questions that I feel only he can answer. My main one being, How did we go from talking about dreams and houses and families, to not talking at all within the span of a couple of weeks?

Anyway, around 1PM today I sent him an e-mail to see if he was still available to get together tonight. As of a few minutes ago (9:15PM) I hadn't heard from him so I poured myself another glass of wine. I decided to check my work e-mail. He replied to my note at 6:15PM saying that he was still on the boat and would call me later. Um, yeah, OK.

This is exactly what he did in the week leading up to our breakup; I tried to make plans with him and he'd get "busy" doing something else, leaving me hanging. So. Not. Cool. What kind of person behaves that way?? To me, that behaviour says, You are not important to me. And to top it all off, (in the past) he's tried to make it look/sound like I am the one being unreasonable where this is concerned, trying to pin him down to a timetable over which he has no control.

Anyway, I haven't decided what I am going to do/say if/when he actually calls me. I reeeeeeally want to be able to move on, regardless of whether we ever get a chance to talk. I'm just not sure how I am going to do that.

ETA: He called me at 10. Some whole excuse about a problem with his boat, blah-blah-blah. Anyway, the latest status is that he is going to call me on Sunday (since we're both busy between now and then). I'm not holding my breath.

Oh, and...

Seeing your ex's profile pop up (and on-line) on the dating site you met on doesn't help things, either.

Nothing new

I have nothing new to report in my dating life since Thursday night's date. I gave my number to a guy named C, but he hasn't called. I have also communicated on-line with another guy (K) but I don't know if it will go anywhere. I did relax my standards a bit with K since he is [gasp!] over 50! Actually, I think he's 50 or 51. OMG, that sounds so old to me! But then again, 45 sounds old, but I don't feel that old.

I'm also having thoughts about contacting R again. After the sighting last Thursday I haven't been able to get him off my mind. I really just want to talk. I have questions I want answered. Mostly I want to do this because I don't want to make the same mistakes in the future. And I need it so that I can (hopefully) get the closure I need so that I can move on.

I dunno.

A2 Date Report

Where to begin...

A2 told me on the phone the other night that he has a thing about shaking hands when meeting for a first date (um, OK). He said it's like a "sign" to everyone in the restaurant that you are on a first/blind date. He also said he'd call me from the restaurant so that we could easily find each other. Fine.

I get to the restaurant at the appointed time (6:30). He's not there. I wait a few minutes, then decide to call him. I mistakenly call A1 (since their numbers are sequential alphabetically in my cell phone). I manage to hang up before A1 answers. Phew. I call A2 and he says he's walking up the street. I see him and go over to say Hi. He looks pretty much the same as his photo - no surprises (positive or negative). We sit on the patio and order drinks. A while later the waitress comes over to take our dinner order and I say that we haven't had a chance to look at the menus yet. I pick mine up, but he doesn't. He then says that he's already eaten dinner (huh? I thought we were meeting for dinner??) but to go ahead and order something if I wanted. Um, no, I don't think I will (feigned some excuse about not being hungry since I snacked on crap all day long, which is true).

The conversation was fine. He didn't give up much personal info about himself, even though I asked. He also didn't ask me much about me (which is Litmus Test #3, and how I can tell whether I think a guy is into me).

We are sitting on the patio, which is on the side of the restaurant. The restaurant is on the main street in my neighbourhood, so the patio is along the side street that feeds onto the main street. It's a one-way street going north. I am facing north, sitting right on the edge of the patio. About an hour into our date I notice a familiar car: It's R (my ex). He is driving north on the side street, then makes a right-hand turn onto the main street, in the direction of where he lives. Wow - that's my first R sighting post-breakup. My heart sinks a little, but I manage to keep it together.

About 20 minutes later, A2 gets up to go to the bathroom (he's already paid the bill). I am sitting there by myself and guess who drives by AGAIN??? Yeah. This time instead of turning right (towards where he lives), he turns left (heading downtown). Now, unless you know my neighbourhood, where R lives, and how the one-way streets and dead-ends are configured, you'll have to accept my word that I can't see any reason why he'd be driving up that street a second time within a 20-minute timeframe, unless he had done it deliberately.

In the meantime, I check my cell while A2 is in the bathroom and notice that A1 has called and left me a message. I guess he saw that I called his cell earlier. I haven't called him back (nor have I listened to the message). I'm not in any hurry. We communicated a bit by e-mail today and he asked if I wanted to get together next week. It looks like we'll have date #2 on Friday. I think I'll need to have The Talk with him that night, though.

Anyway, back to A2. We parted with a "thanks for the drink it was nice meeting you" but that was it. He's a bit too anal and rigid for my taste. I don't think we share similar values, so I really don't see any point in seeing him again. I seriously doubt I will hear from him again, anyway. I don't consider it a waste of my time because every guy I go out with brings me closer to the one I'm meant to be with.

So, onto the next prospects...