And... Scene!

I have a few things to report on:

Date with S:
S called me on Sunday to see if I wanted to get together that evening. He suggested a movie. We went to see Pirate Radio. The movie was good, the date fell a bit flat. After an OK first date, I just didn’t feel like we made a connection, or took our conversation to the next level. We parted with a promise to get together again, but I really don’t think that will happen. Next.

Dinner with R:
Yes, my Ex, R. We’d exchanged a few e-mail over the last couple of weeks. I mentioned that I had some DVDs of his to return. He suggested we get together and Thursday was the night that worked best for us. Things were fine, and not at all awkward. I got a little teary at the restaurant when we started to talk about why things hadn’t worked out between us. He mentioned that, in most cases, he’d always re-dated the same women a couple of times – I’m not sure if he mentioned that because he thought that he and I would try to rekindle things, but I came to realize that it’s part of his MO. The other part of that MO is being the Knight in Shining Armour who comes to the rescue of all the women in his life. Honestly, I don’t want (or need) that from him.

We continued talking on the drive home and in the car in front of my place, most of that I spent in tears. But they were not tears of sadness for him specifically. They were more tears of frustration, because having been in a relationship with him, I’m now much more clear on what I’m looking for in a partner and a relationship (some of that I did get from him, but some of it was what was missing in our relationship). I’m also afraid that I’ve now set the bar unrealistically high and that there can’t possibly be anyone out there who will fit that bill. And I’m not even talking about “picky” stuff like looks, height, occupation, income, etc. I’m talking about fundamental character traits, as well as being in synch with respect to what we want out of life and in our relationship. Big stuff.

So, on the one hand I am happy that I know exactly what I want (so that when I find it, I’ll know it’s right); but on the other hand, I fear that it’s not realistically achievable.

Group Date Event #2:
Last night I went on my second (and final) group date. This one was a bit different: three tables of men and women, with the men rotating between tables at the end of each course. That worked well (better than speed dating) because it was long enough to actually have a conversation with someone, but not so long that if you didn’t click with the people at your table, you didn’t have to spend the entire night with them.

I had an interesting conversation with a guy named B. I wasn’t attracted to him, but he was pleasant to talk to. Heck, he even managed to convince me to let him take my resting pulse rate (on my wrist) when talking about the fact that I am a runner. And that was before dinner – when I’d only met him 10 minutes earlier! Anyway, the question he asked me at dinner (based on the fact that I’d told him how I was involved in running and triathlon groups and had a fairly wide social circle from that) was, “So why are you here at this event, then?” Hmmm, that’s a good question! My answer to him was that I was hoping to branch out my social/dating circle since most of the men I knew through running/tri were either attached or just friends. But to be honest, it really made me think about what I thought I was going to get out of an event like this. It became clear that most of the other people at the event didn’t have large social circles. Some of them only go to the dinners so that they can try out new places to eat and meet people since they don’t have much of a social circle of their own. And to be quite frank, some of them (mostly the men) were socially awkward/introverted to the point where they needed the practice in how to interact with people. OK, fine. But I didn’t pay $70 per event to be someone to help someone else come out of their shell! Maybe that’s harsh, but when I’m paying for a service, I kind of expect to get something out of it.

The organizer sent an e-mail this morning asking how the event was and to provide them with my feedback. This is what I wrote:
=====================================================
- Hostesses were good
- Evening/logistics flowed well
- Like that we had assigned seating to ensure alternating men/women at the table
- Location was great, food was great, service was great
- Mix of people was good

Overall, my experience was pleasant, but I doubt that I’ll attend another of your events. Although everyone I met at both events were nice, I found the men (in particular) to be a bit socially awkward/introverted and I found little in common with any of them. For the cost of the two-dinner package I bought, I didn’t see any real value as it appeared to just be a group of people thrown together, with the only commonality being in the same age range. I’ve honestly had much better connections with people I’ve met through on-line dating sites, at a considerably lower cost.
========================================================

So, that’s it for now! I have no other prospects or social events on the horizon. My trip to Vegas is in a little over a week, but that’s with a group of friends (two couples and two other guys, both of whom are married).

"S" Date Report

I met S on Friday night at a local pub. I got there first, he arrived about five minutes later. He looked pretty much like his on-line photo (cute and bald). He was pretty short (but not "deal-breaker" short) - the same height as I am.

He was nice, personable, though a little reserved. Conversation was fine, though it didn't flow effortlessly.

The date lasted two hours (and 1.5 pints of Kilkenny for me) and then we parted ways. He asked if I'd like to get together again and I said yes. Honestly, if I never hear from him again I won't be disappointed. I agreed to go out a second time because I like to give people a second chance since first meetings can be awkward, but I didn't really feel an instant connection/attraction to him.

Next up: Group Date #2 on November 25. This one is a "rotational" dinner, so the men change tables every course. That way I'll meet twelve men in total - not quite as bad as speed dating.

Date Night

Alright, back on the dating horse again. This one's name is S. He's 43. He does web design for a large newspaper. He lives close by, though not in my exact neighbourhood. From his profile, he looks cute (and bald!). He's a bit on the short side (5'8") but that's not a deal breaker for me.

We're meeting for a drink at a local pub this evening (key people know where we're meeting, so all is safe).

Stay tuned for details...

Hey, here's a suggestion for you...

I sent my feedback to the Dinnerworks people. Here is their response:

"I have a suggestion for you, if you are interested, I do a personal consultation for $150 which allows me to get to know you. I then have a better idea of what it is that you are looking for and then I can do one of two things, I can direct you to the right dinner or get a gentleman to attend a dinner that you are attending that might be suitable, the other thing I can do is see if there is a match for you with someone I am currently working with.

I forgot to mention that I do personal matchmaking, and I have a lot of men clients that don't attend dinners but might be suitable for you,.

The charge is for my time."

Really? You forgot to mention that you offer that service? Go figure! That makes everything so much better for me now. Sure, I'll send you another $150 on top of the $140 I've already paid to attend one of your dinners (where I still have to pay for my meal). What the heck was that fee for if not for some kind of assurance that the event would be suitable to me?

Whatever.

Group Dating

You know how on The Bachelor/Bachelorette they go on these "group dates"? Well, I always thought that was a little weird; I mean, five girls/guys all vying for the attention of one guy/girl... seems odd, creepy, frustrating, and contrived to me.

Well, that's a bit how last night's dinner felt: weird.

My understanding of how the evening would go would be that we'd meet in the bar of the restaurant, have a drink, then be seated at our table when everyone had arrived. I was late getting there (traffic coming from downtown). I hate being late. I don't like other people who are late and I am rarely late myself. I get stressed when I am late. So, I guess it's my own darned fault then that everyone was already seated at the table when I arrived.

At first it looked like the table was full and that there wasn't even a seat for me (my stomach sank just a bit there), but then the "hostess" got up and gave me her seat (she leaves when dinner starts). I'd also been told that this would be a dinner for eight (four men, four women). Well, there were actually 10 people at dinner (including me), five men/women, but we were seated at a table that would have even been a stretch for eight, let alone 10. I was seated at the end of the table (way to stand out in the crowd - being late and being seated at the head of the table) as there were four people on each side and one on each end of the table.

Now, I'm no math whiz, but with an even number of men and women you'd think they'd figure out to arrange the seating as boy/girl around the table. No, there were two cases of men sitting next to men and women sitting next to women. But being that there were 10 people at the table, the conversation sort of developed into five against five, with my "five" consisting of three women and two men. There was no way to have a conversation with anyone at the other end of the table.

Not that I really wanted to. Upon arriving, a quick scan of my dining companions had me realize that there wasn't anyone who even remotely interested me. Conversations were fine, but the woman on the right of me tended to dominate my fivesome (almost "perform" - she was a wannabe actress with a larger-than-her-own-life personality). The guy on my left was pretty quiet, though personable (though he could have at least made a bit more of an effort than wearing jeans and a plaid shirt). There was one other woman and another man within conversational distance from me, and they were both pleasant.

So, would I do it again? Well, I kind of have to since I've paid for one more of these dinners. But I will contact the organizers beforehand to give them my feedback on how last night went to make sure that I get placed in a more suitable group next time.

Took the Plunge!

I signed up for Dinnerworks. Holy carp, it's not cheap! I bought a two-dinner package for $139 (plus GST) and that doesn't include the dinner! I think I get one free drink with that.

Anyway, I think I might be attending my first event next Tuesday the 13th. I just have to hear back from them. There are a fair number of events coming up, so if not this one, then another one. The key for me is the age range - I don't always have a lot in common with people my own age: no kids, more physically active than most, etc.

But, I'm just trying to "do a different thing" in the hopes of achieving a different outcome.

Stay tuned...

Blocked!

I sent a note to a guy on PoF. Nothing weird, just saying Hi. I'm pretty sure I saw it in my outbox after I sent it, but then when I went back it was gone. Weird.

So, I re-sent the message (with a p.s. joking that I wasn't a stalker for sending the same message more than once) and got the following message:

YOU HAVE BEEN BLOCKED BY THIS USER

Um, oh, OK. Am I that offensive that I need to be blocked??

The ironic thing is that in his profile he wrote:

"I was born and raised in a small town - [city], NB - and was taught that smiling and saying "Hello!" to people was the right thing to do. [...] I still like being gregarious, but it seems people have lost that loving feeling in the Big Smoke. No?"

I'll say!

You know what bugs me?

When I sign my name in an e-mail and someone replies to that e-mail misspelling my name!!! It's SIX letters - why can't you get the last two right? Is it that hard? Sheesh!

Yes, I'm in a pissy mood.

Dry Spell

I have to admit that I haven't been actively pursuing the dating thing lately. I did send one message last week to a guy who looked interesting, but he read it and never reponded. Oh well.

I've received a few e-mails lately (2-3), but none of them were from guys who interested me. I got one today and he seemed OK, so I replied. He's a bit young (39), but that's not a deal-breaker. I'm sure you can hear the enthusiasm in my "voice."

Anyway, as much as I am still interested in dating, I'm really not motivated to waste my time going on lots of first dates with guys that I know I'm not really into. I know from past experience that it's all about numbers and the more guys I go out with, the better chance I'll have in meeting someone whom I click with.

I'm just kind of feeling "meh" about the whole thing right now.

"Death" of a Salesman

Since Holly asked...

The date with K last Friday night was fine. We spent most of the evening "talking about the weather" so I didn't really get much info out of him. He was nice enough, attractive enough, but I don't think he's really my type.

He's what I call a "salesman." Whether or not he actually works in sales is irrelevant. I define the "salesman" as follows: someone who will do/say whatever it takes to a) get what he wants, b) make you agree with him, c) get/take something from you, d) put a positive/appealing spin on something negative (usually to justify something or sell something), etc. I don't trust them; I always feel like I am being manipulated by them. I feel like they aren't telling me the truth; they are telling me what they think I want to hear (so that I will give them what they want).

And dating a "salesman" is the worst, because the thing they are trying to sell you is themselves! And they have this way of talking about themselves without actually giving up anything of value. They rarely ask you questions (I had to volunteer most information about myself, which I'm usually quite forthcoming with anyway).

So, we ended the date with a hug and a nice to meet you and a let's get together again. But I have yet to hear from him, so whatever. L said to me that K was probably waiting for me to contact him. I said that I wasn't feeling particularly motivated to contact him because I didn't really care if I saw him again.

I am back at square one with no prospects on the horizon. Though to be honest I haven't been on-line in a while, so I really shouldn't complain.

Oh, I've had messages from a few guys, but none of them were interesting to me. One guy who was really into cooking and wine (and seemed to have a lot of contempt for people who go to the gym) sent me a message proposing that we get together to cook. I politely replied that I prefer to be the cook and not share my kitchen space with anyone (I get along best with people who like to eat and clean). I suggested that we were likely too much alike (with respect to cooking) to be compatible. He replied, "Oh, that's a new one: we're too compatible so therefore we shouldn't meet." Um, no, that's not what I said (and e-mailed him back to tell him that). But being another "salesman" he had to reply why he thought my logic was wrong and why he was right.

Yeah, I just deleted that message.

Here's a piece of advice for on-line dating: If you e-mail a guy to tell him that you're not interested, resist the temptation to reply to him if he writes back trying to convince you otherwise.