365 Days ago...

I posted this entry. It was the day after my race in Kingston (the one I had a personal best in yesterday). I thought it was very interesting...

Monday, Aug. 02, 2004, 9:20 AM

Dear La,

When are you going to stop doing this? When are you going to stop underestimating and undermining your abilities? You do this all the time; you set low expectations for yourself so that a) you won’t have to stretch yourself to achieve them, and b) so that nobody expects any more of you. You have been doing this all your life – or at least back as far as high school. Don’t show them what you can do; otherwise they’ll expect it of you all the time. It’s very easy, isn’t it, to set the bar so low that you will never fail. Of course, you’d say that you have not been successful at everything you’ve done, but you’ve certainly been more successful than not.
That was a very humbling experience for you yesterday, wasn’t it? You didn’t respect the distance, yet did the race anyway, completely unprepared. But then, you set low expectations for yourself so that when you got off your bike, it was easy for you to quit. Granted, it was a hot day, you bonked, blah, blah, blah.

I’ll give you an out on yesterday’s race, but you really have to stop doing this to yourself. Start setting the bar higher. Start requiring more of yourself. Start expecting that you are entitled to the best life has to offer. Start pushing your limits a little bit – physically and emotionally. Stop giving up at the first sign of discomfort. Stop thinking that you are “less than”. Stop putting yourself down. Stop standing at the back of the room and putting yourself at the end of the line. Just stop, OK?

OK.

And one other thing... don't you think that you are being disrespectful by assuming that MV (and all other men, for that matter) would not find you attractive simply because you do not have the body of a super-model? You are being disrespectful by thinking that that's all they care about and that they can't be attracted to you anyway. The truth is that YOU do not find yourself attractive, which is why they also don't. So, stop doing that, too, OK?

Love, La